Golden Princess
by lourdesmont
Summary: Erik and Tallis have been married for seven years and live in Trevinny’s cottage with their two young sons, Gabriel and Michael. Tallis has not had easy pregnancies. Now she holds a secret that could turn her loving husband back into The Phantom.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter Summary:** Tallis sends her sons away for the night so that she can break some unexpected, possibly unwelcome, news to her husband.

_**Author's Notes:** First of all, the outline for the sequel to "Puzzle Pieces" has been written but there are still a few short stories that must be told before y'all get the first chapter of that story. Oh – and it needs a title but that is just a minor detail._ **I will say that I am giving this chapter an "R" rating! AND I MEAN IT! This chapter deals with a married couple and what got them their sons in the first place. Yes – this chapter hints atsex! So if you are under age – consider yourself warned.** _Not to mention that this is my first time writing this kind of stuff as my characters usually abide by Rule #86 – "No explicit sex, please; we're British!". Oi … oi … oi – for all of us!_

CHAPTER ONE

"Oh, Moira," Tallis sighed as she closed the door to Trevinny, turning the key in the lock and slipping it into the pocket of her coat. She turned to look at her cousin. "He is going to be so angry with me."

Moira snorted and adjusted the hat on her head. It had been a hard winter and the winds of March were still blowing bitter cold off the Atlantic. It seemed as if Old Man Winter was deeply reluctant to let go of the sway he held upon the land. It was as if he were having his last bit of blustering anger before spring swept in trailing warmer weather and brighter days in her wake. Those who lived along the Cornish coast of England were hardy folks and used to having to wait for the heady days of spring and summer. Moira was no different. She turned her face into the wind and settled her hat in a position that would keep it from flying off. Moira then slipped her arm through Tallis'. "I think it takes more than one person," Moira reminded her cousin in a no-nonsense tone.

Tallis nodded her head. "It does," she said softly in response, reminding herself at the same time. "It does."

"Let us go! Let us go!" children's voices chorused.

Moira and Tallis shook their heads and exchanged grins as they approached the wagon that sat in Trevinny's front drive, Moira's husband, Joseph, seated at the front and holding to the reins. In the back of the wagon, nestled in the warm hay and covered by thick blankets was a group of bouncing children. Two heads of dark curly hair stood out amongst the other heads of warm brown hair. Moira took the offered hand that was held out and allowed Joseph to help her up to the front of the wagon.

"Thank you for taking them," Tallis said as she smiled up at her cousin's husband.

Joseph smiled and nodded at her. "It is our pleasure. What are two more children in a house all ready full of them?"

Tallis winced. "Oh dear."

Moira nudged her husband playfully. "He is just joking," she laughed. "We love having Gabriel and Michael and their cousins love having them, as well."

"They will have a wonderful time and we shall take the best of care," Joseph finished.

"I know," Tallis assured them. "Thank you." She walked to the back of the wagon and rested folded arms on the edge. "May I have goodbye kisses from my boys?" she asked.

Two small boys, one five, one nearly three, peeked their heads out from beneath a thick blanket. They crawled to the edge of the cart, stood up and wrapped their arms about their mother's neck.

"I love you, Mama," Gabriel said as he kissed his mother's cheek.

"Wuv you, Mama," Michael lisped as he kissed Tallis' other cheek. He always wanted to do what his big brother did.

Tallis sighed happily and wrapped both sons into her embrace. She kissed first one and then the other. "I love you," she whispered in each of their ears before drawing back slightly and smiling at their eager little faces. Tallis no longer saw the scarring that marred Gabriel's right temple or the malformed ear and scarring that disrupted Michael's scalp and thinned out his otherwise thick black curls – she simply saw her boys. "You both promise to be good for Aunt Moira and Uncle Joseph, yes?" she asked them and both boys nodded. "And you will play nice with your cousins?"

"We promise!" Gabriel and Michael chorused; their promise echoed by the same words from beneath the heavy blanket, followed by a round of happy giggles.

"Have a wonderful time, my angels," Tallis told her boys and gave them each a last kiss, shooing them back under the warmth of the blanket. She smiled widely as she watched the blanket undulate and heard the blissful sound of children's laughter. She turned toward Moira and Joseph who were looking over their shoulders. "I shall see you tomorrow, then."

Joseph nodded and turned his attention back to the team at the front of the wagon. Moira nodded and mouthed "Good luck" as Joseph clicked his tongue and the wagon began to move off.

Tallis stood in the front drive of Trevinny, watching the wagon move down the drive and turn right onto the main road that led down to the plains sheltered by the huge curve of land. It was there that Joseph and Moira had a comfortable home, two barns and several acres. And it was there that Gabriel and Michael loved to run around with their cousins, chasing the farm cats, startling the implacable cows and being the active, happy boys Tallis loved to the point of her heart breaking. Tallis stood watching until she could no longer see the cart before she turned to walk around Trevinny, through the back garden and toward the path that led to the huge cottage she called home. She paused for a moment at the entrance to the well-worn footpath near the cliff's edge and turned to look back at Trevinny, sighing as she thought of all the wondrous changes that had occurred over the last seven years. A smile crossed her face as she turned, wrapping her arms about her waist and walking toward the home she shared with her husband and their children.

Tallis could scarcely believe it had been over seven years since she had found Erik slumped along the lake's edge in his lair, barely clinging to a life he no longer wanted. It had taken all her strength to pull him back from the eternal darkness, his fighting her every inch of the way. Yet Tallis had fought harder, had been the one with the strength that time, the one who would not take no for an answer. She had spent months badgering and cajoling, screaming and caressing, hating and loving. She had not allowed Erik to have a moment's peace. She had not given him even the barest of room in which to maneuver and play his games. She had not settled for "no" as the answer to any question she had asked him – even the one of marriage. Now, as spring promised to come forth, trailing summer in her wake, their seventh wedding anniversary loomed on the horizon. It had been seven years of grief and happiness in equal measure. Seven years in which there had been moments of great pain and even greater peace. Seven years of unending music punctuated by the hard won grace notes named Gabriel and Michael.

"Oh, Erik," Tallis said as she paused at the front door to her home. "I pray you understand," she finished as she pushed the door open, smiling as Erik appeared in a doorway.

"Have the boys gotten off safely?" Erik wondered.

Tallis nodded. "I wish you would have come," she replied as she slipped from her coat, hanging it on the peg rack by the door. Tallis turned and melted into the open arms that waited for her. "They were laughing so hard when the wagon left." She drew back from the embrace and kissed her husband. "I think they will be having such a wonderful time! I am certain it will be quite late before all the children finally get to sleep this night." Tallis felt Erik's hands move down her back, grabbing her rear and pulling her close.

"They will not be the only ones," Erik breathed in his wife's ear, emphasizing his intentions by grabbing her earlobe lightly between his teeth and tugging it gently.

"Erik," Tallis protested as she wriggled free from his arms, "it is daylight!"

The look upon Erik's face was one of disappointed confusion. "When has that ever been an issue?"

"Since I have dinner to prepare," Tallis replied, laughing at the groan she heard from the man she left standing by the front door. "Why do you not go into your music room and compose?" Tallis asked over her shoulder. "I shall call you when the meal is ready." As Tallis entered the huge kitchen at the rear of the cottage, she heard her husband clomp across the floor, the sound a slamming door echoing through the still rooms. Tallis sighed and raised her eyes to the ceiling. "I do not know which child is most difficult, Lord – Gabriel, Michael or Erik."

Tallis reached for the apron that hung on a peg, tying it about her waist and going to the huge pot that simmered over the open hearth. She lifted the lid, standing back as steam smelling of dried herbs, root vegetables and rich stock exploded from the pot. Tallis smiled as she dipped a nearby spoon in, stirring and lifting a little stock from the pot, blowing on it and giving it a taste. She nodded in pleasure as she replaced the lid and turned to the brick oven on the other side of the hearth. Tallis used her apron to protect her hands as she slid a golden loaf of bread out and onto a nearby counter. "The way to a man's heart," Tallis muttered and then under her breath, "Please let this work." She turned back to the kitchen and shrieked, a hand going to her heart. "Erik, you startled me!"

"Good to know I still have the ability to startle people," Erik replied with a smirk on his face that rapidly disappeared as he entered the kitchen, breathing in the aromas that floated by. "Can I have an end of the bread?" he wondered.

"I just took it out of the oven!" Tallis exclaimed. "It is hot!"

"But I am not Gabriel or Michael," Erik reminded her as he walked toward the counter where the bread rested. "And I can handle hot foods."

"As you would," Tallis told him. "Just remember it is …"

"Damn!" Erik hissed between teeth as a single hand flamed at his mouth.

"Hot," Tallis finished as she reached into a cabinet, retrieving dishes for the dinner table. Most nights found Tallis and her family seated around the wooden table in the center of the kitchen, little heads bowed in prayer before the ruckus of mealtime began. Tallis ran a loving finger over the chipped edge of a bowl; tonight there would be no laughter, no silly child's jokes. She replaced the chipped bowl, hands reaching for china that had rarely seen the light of day since her sons had entered her life. Tonight was a night for fine china, her husband's favorite soup, a bottle of rich, red wine – anything to draw Erik into a sense of peace and security before she sprang her news upon him.

Tallis smiled as she turned around and saw Erik coming up from the basement stairs, a bottle in hand. "You must have read my thoughts," she said as she began to set the table, watching Erik move to the counter, removing the cork from the wine bottle.

"It is a bottle of the cabernet that Meg and Val sent us for our last anniversary," Erik told her as he set the bottle on the table. "I know how much you like that wine."

"I do," Tallis said as she leaned over for a kiss.

"I will go and wash and give the wine some time to breath," Erik grinned at his wife. "And the bread to cool a bit more."

"Twenty minutes?" Tallis wondered, watching as Erik nodded in reply.

"That will give me a bit of time to straighten my music sheets, as well."

Tallis took another kiss and watched Erik leave the room. "Please let this work," she sighed to herself.

Dinner was a time of blissful peace in lives that were otherwise ruled by two boys who had their mother's sense of wonder and adventure and their father's keen intelligence and quick temper. Erik and Tallis sat beside each other, instead of at opposite ends of the table. They laughed together as they ate out of each other's plates. They fed each other like the newlyweds they had once been. They spoke of the day's events – the progress of Erik's newest commission, the latest gossip from Paris contained in yet another of Antoinette's long letters, the desire of Tallis' parents to come and spend some time during the summer, the opening of Trevinny that would soon occur. And all the while both of their minds strayed to the two little people who were not present at the dinner table that night.

"Can you even remember the last time we had a quiet meal such as this?" Tallis wondered, taking the last sip of her wine.

"It is passing strange, is it not?" Erik wondered and snorted. "I never thought I would ever miss those annoying little interlopers so much."

"Remind me to tell your sons that you called them such when they are grown men with families of their own." Tallis took some satisfaction in the look of pained horror that crossed Erik's face.

"I shall remind you of no such thing," he replied and reached for his wife's hand, raising it to his lips. "Did I ever thank you for my sons?"

Tallis could feel her heart breaking. "Every day in so many little ways that you do not even know."

Erik kept hold of Tallis' hand, resting his cheek against it. "You went through such difficulty to bring them into this world and they have made me complete." He closed his eyes and rubbed his cheek against Tallis' hand. "They make us complete." His eyes opened again. "I never thought I could be this happy."

"I know," Tallis said softly, watching the emotions that played over her husband's face, knowing exactly to where his thoughts strayed.

"I thought I nearly lost you after Michael's birth and I do not think I have ever been so scared in my entire life."

Tallis gave Erik a wavering smile as he let her hand go, cupping her face in both his hands.

"Christine may have been able to bring me to my knees," Erik told her, knowing the mention of that name no longer bore the painful stigma it once had, "but you are the only woman who can scare The Phantom nearly to death."

Tallis felt Erik's fingers massage her temples as he leaned in to place a kiss on her forehead.

"Do not ever frighten me like that again," Erik told her in a stern tone of voice that softened to a plea. "Please do not ever do that to me again. I could not bear to face life without you. I would not know what to do with your sons. I would not know what to do with myself! I would not …"

Tallis reached up to take her husband's hands in her own, drawing them from her face, kissing his lips firmly. "You would know exactly what to do with our sons because you love them as much as I." Tallis wrapped her arms about Erik's neck, resting her cheek against his marred skin. "And I am not going anywhere." She felt the desperation in Erik's embrace – it was an emotion he had never fully gotten over.

I hope, Tallis thought and then out loud, "Why do you not help me to clean the dinner plates?" She drew back and winked at Erik, knowing how easily he could be distracted. "The sooner we finish, the sooner we can go to bed."

Erik responded to the twinkle in his wife's eyes. "It is still daylight, Madame."

Tallis looked over her shoulder at the darkening sky before turning back to her husband. "It is nearing twilight, sir."

"Then time is wasting, Madame," Erik replied, "and that is a sin against God." Erik's face was expressionless. "Or so I have heard."

Tallis smacked her husband's knee and laughed.

The table was cleared, the dishes cleaned and the remaining wine poured into the glasses in short order. As Tallis put away the last of the dishes and banked the fire in the hearth, she knew that Erik moved easily about the darkened cottage, securing windows and doors. They lived so close to the moors and the caves beneath the cliff that Erik often commented to her about her safety – a nervousness that multiplied exponentially with the arrival of each child. Yes, Erik would acknowledge, his wife's family was respected but a smuggling and salvaging heritage was capable of winning out over any respect. Tallis knew that Erik would double-check the locks on the windows in the room that the boys shared, even knowing that they were safe with their cousins that night. She knew he would give a longing look at the two empty beds, missing his sons even though he would be reluctant to admit to such a thing. Tallis had often heard her husband wonder when his heart and soul had been taken from him and placed into the dirty hands of two small boys. Tallis was also perfectly aware that Erik knew he would never receive an answer.

The sound of the door to her sons' room closing echoed through the still house and Tallis heard it from where she sat in the bedroom she shared with Erik. She knew that Erik would move through the deepening shadows of their home with an ease born of years living in even deeper, darker shadows. She could picture the smile that grew on his face, lighting his eyes on fire, as he approached the door to the bedroom they shared; Tallis took a sip of her wine to steady her nerves. She laughed slightly to herself and closed her eyes, unable to believe that her husband still had the power to make her feel like a frightened school girl.

"Do I make you that nervous?" a voice asked her from the doorway.

Tallis opened her eyes and rose to her feet, wine glass in hand. "Yes," she told Erik as she handed him the wine glass, watching him take a deep draught of the fine vintage. "You have always made me nervous." She took back the extended wine glass, placing it on the nightstand beside the bed. "You will always make me nervous." Tallis shivered as Erik ran a single finger down the front of her dress.

"A healthy sense of fear is what keeps us alert," Erik whispered as he drew Tallis into his embrace, expert fingers easily undoing the small buttons that ran the length from his wife's neck to her hips.

Tallis, too, was busy undoing buttons. A smile crossed her face as she slipped Erik's shirt from his shoulders, tossing it to the floor, allowing her fingers to play along the waistband of his pants. "Then you must be utterly terrified," Tallis breathed lightly, her breath catching in her throat as Erik moved his hands to her shoulders, her dress falling to puddle on the floor about her feet.

"You have always terrified me," Erik growled as he grabbed his wife, pulling her close, his hands roaming freely, massaging her sides, moving down to her hips, grabbing the shift she wore beneath her dress. "Thank you for not wearing that damnable corset," Erik whispered as he began to lift Tallis' shift.

Tallis lifted her arms, drawing back slightly and shivering as the cool air enveloped naked skin and her shift was thrown across the room. She lowered her arms and wrapped them easily about Erik's neck. "Wasting time is such a sin," Tallis told him, a half-grin crossing her face.

Erik swept his wife up into his arms. "I can think of other sins," he told her as he placed her in the center of the bed they shared.

Tallis moaned slightly as Erik moved his hands from the waistband of her French pantaloons down her thigh and under the wide lace edge, slowly creeping back to the edge of stockings. She looked at her husband through slitted eyes, seeing his calm expression even as his fingers danced back and forth over bare skin and stockinged leg.

"What do you want?" Erik teased his wife.

Tallis drew several deep breaths, trying to still her racing heart; he was not going to win this time. Not like every other time. "Not this time," Tallis whispered under her breath and smiled at her husband. "I want …"

Erik's fingers danced ever higher.

"I want …" Tallis could feel her resolve weakening as two sets of fingers ran back and forth over the skin where her thighs met her hips, occasionally straying a bit further inward.

"What do you want?" Erik asked as he knelt over his wife.

"I want my legs back!" Tallis told him as she suddenly slipped from his grasp, going to sit against the headboard. She watched as Erik stared at her in disbelief, unable to stop the laugh that escaped her lips.

"You … little … minx …" Erik spat out. "And I want what is mine!" he finished as he lunged for his wife.

Tallis moved slightly to the right, just far enough for Erik to have to work to take her. She laughed delightedly as he finally grabbed her around the waist, pulling her backward to rest against his chest. Tallis found she could not stop laughing as Erik began to tickle every spot that he knew would eventually render her helpless. "Erik!" Tallis managed, her legs kicking in the air. "Please!"

"Please, what?" Erik growled back.

"Stop!" Tallis panted. "Please stop!" As fingers stop tickling, Tallis found herself turned around in her husband's embrace, staring into his face, the eyes that burned golden fire. The fingers that had been tickling her were suddenly slipping her pantaloons from her hips. Tallis felt her husband's need pressing into her abdomen and she buried her face in the crook of his shoulder. "I want you," she breathed into the sensitive skin of her husband's neck, her trembling hands going to his pants, fumbling with the button. Tallis found herself flipped onto her back, herremaining clothes discarded onto the floor. Tallis smiled as Erik caressed her legs, his fingers knowing just where to linger for maximum effect. "I want only you," Tallis breathed, raising her head as caresses suddenly stopped, a smile growing on her face as Erik slipped out of his pants which followed her clothing onto the floor.

Tallis held her arms open, closing them about Erik, her fingers lightly tracing the scars on his back. "Just love me," Tallis begged him. "Just love me." The slightest touch from Erik's knee was all it took for Tallis to open to him. She sighed deeply as Erik began to plant kisses on her neck, never stopping as his kisses traced ever lower. "Oh, God, Erik," Tallis whispered as she grabbed onto his gray hair.

Erik returned to claim his wife's lips, even as he settled between her thighs. "My Goddess," he whispered as he lightly bit her bottom lip, slipping easily into the treasured center of the woman he loved, feeling her hips rise to meet him. "I love you," he breathed. "I love you. I love you," he kept repeating.

Tallis savored each movement, each caress, the feel of her husband's lips, the warmth of his breath. She raised her head, kissing his throat, trailing her kisses along Erik's collarbone. Suddenly Tallis clung tighter to Erik as she could feel the ripples beginning to spread outward from her middle. "Erik, Erik, Erik," she kept repeating, words trailing off into incoherent sounds as the ripples became a crashing wave that pulled her under, drowning her in an emotional release that left her unable to breathe, unable to think, unable to function. Yet through it all, she could feel her lifeline, the other part of her soul, drowning with her, calling out to her, wrapping her in a symphony that surely rivaled the choirs of heaven.

Later they snuggled together, spooned into each other, Erik's arms wrapped about his wife's middle, his head buried in her hair. Their legs were intertwined and Tallis ran her foot lightly up and down her husband's calf.

"You will never know how very much I love you," Tallis heard her husband whisper. "You are my savior. My light. My very reason for living." She felt his chest expand and contract with a long sigh. "It terrifies me to know I would sink back into Hell should anything happen to you."

Tallis let out her own sigh, taking one of Erik's hands in her own and lifting it to her lips, kissing each finger in turn. "I love you just as much," she told him, feeling his arms tighten about her, pulling her closer to him, trying to pull her into him. "But you are so much stronger then you could ever imagine," Tallis finished.

"Not without you I am not," Erik insisted. "You and the boys are my strength."

Tallis knew it was time and turned over in her husband's embrace so that she could look at him.

"What?" Erik wondered as he looked into the earnest depths of his wife's calm gray eyes.

Tallis drew a deep breath. "We are going to be parents again," she said simply.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Summary:** The news of his wife's pregnancy sends Erik off into the moors. Tallis finds a possible answer to her fears in her cousin's words. Tallis confronts Erik about his actions and they break the news of the new baby to a silly Michael and an observant Gabriel.

CHAPTER TWO

"Erik!" The voice pleaded as a hand knocked lightly against the locked door to his music room. "Are you going to talk to me?"

Erik heard the voice, its sweet tone and blocked it from his mind.

Another knock on the same door and this time the tone of voice was a bit more strident. "You are going to have to talk to me sooner or later."

Erik's fingers curled into fists as he fought the urge to break something.

This time the sweet, pleading tone of voice and gentle knockings were gone, as a palm slammed against the door, the voice now raised in anger. "Damn you, Erik!" A pause. "I did not do this by myself!" Another pause and the voice screamed at him. "You cannot ignore me forever!"

Erik's entire face turned bright red as his blood pressure rose with each word that came through the locked door.

A last gentle knock on the door and the angry voice was gone, replaced by one of a resigned sadness. "As you would, then," the voice said. "I am going to go to Trevinny and you can just stay here and brood." A hint of sarcasm crept into the gentle tone. "Since we both know how very much you like to stay in the shadows and be miserable." The tone of voice softened again. "I will have lunch with the boys at the house but we will be back for dinner. And you will sit with me and smile at them as **_we_**," the word as emphasized, "tell them they are going to have a little brother or sister."

_Maybe there will be no need to say it to them_, Erik thought as he heard the front door of the cottage open and close, no regrets crossing his mind or heart at the harsh coldness of his thought. Erik raised his eyes to the ceiling, closing them tightly as his fingers smashed against the piano keys, the harsh sound grating in his ears and piercing his heart. _Perhaps this is all a dream and when I open eyes, it shall all be just a bad memory._ Erik lowered his head, opening his eyes and staring at the room about him. "God damn it all to Hell!" he shouted as he slammed his hands down one last time on the keyboard before rising, striding across the room and pulling the door open.

Erik stormed through the empty cottage and out the door that led from the kitchen into the back yard. He heard the two dogs in their pen barking at him, waiting for him to release them and let them run free across the moors. Erik ignored them, not seeing their wagging tails slowly droop, their eager bouncing stop as the dogs lay down, heads between their paws, not understanding where their young playmates were or why they were being left behind. Yet Erik knew exactly where he was going as he left behind the comfortable cottage that had become his safe haven from the world – he was seeking the old and familiar.

And Erik found it as his long strides carried him to the edge of the moors behind the home he shared with his family. He paused for a moment in his walk, looking at the bleakness that stretched before him, the barren landscape matching the emptiness of his own heart. Erik forced himself to unclench his fingers as he continued to walk deeper and deeper into the moorland. He was grateful for the chilled breezes that blew their way through his shirt and pants for they reminded him of the damp coolness of the dark that he had loved. As he walked over the land that rose and fell, Erik was careful to avoid the boggy traps that nature had set. He finally stopped at a familiar rock that rested at the edge of steep drop-off, sitting down and wishing he had known of such ingenuity long ago.

"Perhaps then that boy would never have escaped," he said aloud to the snow-sprinkled world that stretched out before him. Erik's lips set in a hard line. "He would have been sucked under with no way to escape and she would have been mine. Things would have been the way they should have always been." Erik's head shook back and forth and his eyes glittered with an angry fire. "She and I would have shown the world what I could do! We would have taken the world by storm!" He drew in several deep breaths in an attempt to steady the emotion that shook his whole body. "Then there would have been no Tallis, no Gabriel, no Michael. There would have been no sleepless nights full of worry. There would have been no chance of losing again. There would have been no fear of the future. There would…" Erik's voice drifted off and he placed his head into his hands. "There would have been no Tallis, no Gabriel, no Michael."

Erik slowly raised his head and stared off into the distance, not seeing outwardly but turning his gaze inward. "Four children," he whispered as he thought of Antoinette's last letter. "She and that boy have four children and it came so easily for them." His fingers once again curled into tight fists. "Why could it not have come so easily for us?" Erik demanded as he opened his eyes, raising them to the heavens. "Why must everything in my life be so difficult? Why do you hate me so much?" Erik screamed. There was no answer and he rose to his feet, taking the few steps to the very edge of the drop-off from which he had so often warned his sons away. He let his toes stick over the edge as he looked down.

Old, decaying roots stuck out from the sandy soil, holding out the hope of rescue until the person who had slipped over the edge reached out and the decay would break the root in two. The unfortunate person who had gone over the edge would then continue to slide downward, watching as the pile of rocks at the bottom rose to meet them. If the person were lucky, they would hit the rocks and die instantly. If they were unlucky, they would fall into the bogs on either side of the rock pile, falling through natural camouflage that made the bogs look like solid land. Then the thick, liquid beneath would grab onto the person, pulling them further and further downward even as they struggled to break free. It would be a lonely, frightening death.

"It would be perfect," Erik whispered as one foot went out over the edge of the drop-off. Suddenly the words _- I did not do this by myself! _– screamed through his mind and Erik drew his foot back before collapsing onto the cold ground. "I cannot do this to her," he kept repeating. "I cannot do this to her."

Erik leaned back against the rock. "I never wanted children; all I wanted was her," he whispered to the surrounding countryside. "All I wanted was to be loved. I did not think … I did not know…" Erik slammed his open palms down on the hard ground, feeling sharp pebbles cut into them and not caring. "Why did there have to be children? Why did they have to be cursed like me? Why could they not be perfect?" A grimace crossed his face. "I am certain their children are perfect. I am certain they are all beautiful and perfect."

"Damn you, God!" Erik yelled, his voice carrying across the moors, echoing off the rocks, reaching into the shadows, the long buried power and emotion of The Phantom rising once again. "Damn you! Why did you allow my curse to infect her children? Why did you allow it to infect her? Did you not make it difficult enough for a woman to bear a child? Why must you risk her life to bring forth those little abom…" Erik's chin began to tremble as images of two small boys filled his mind.

Erik could see them as they were held at their mother's breast, safe and content, their little eyes closing in sleep. He could see them as they squirmed along the floor, eager, impatient and ready to face the world. He could hear them laugh in delight and cry in anger. He remembered their first faltering steps, little hands held out to him, trusting that he would catch them. He could feel Gabriel on his knee, as the small child pounded on the piano keys. He could see Michael putting anything and everything in reach together as he made creations only a child's mind could picture.

Erik remembered long afternoons that were spent at the beach as they fished in the waves, laughing as they caught something to bring back home. He remembered watching as their mother taught all of them how to clean the day's catch, the boys delighting in the gory mess. He remembered long walks on the moors, throwing sticks for the dogs to chase, returning home dirty and tired. He remembered bathing those dirty, tired bodies, more water ending up on the floor than had seemingly been put into the wash bin. He remembered the sweet, clean smell of tiny bodies snuggled next to him as he told amazing stories, slowing introducing his sons to the world beyond their cottage. He remembered looking up to see the smile and love on his wife's face as she watched her family from the doorway.

"Do as you would with me, God" Erik said and let out a long sigh. "I have long since resigned myself to the fact that you gave me into Satan's hands the moment I drew breath." The anger once again appeared on his face. "But I vow that if anything happens to Gabriel or to Michael…" Erik once again raised his head to look at the bright sky that seemed to stretch beyond where human eyes could see. "Or to Tallis and this child she carries, it shall be eternal war between us!" Erik was silent for a moment. "One perfect child, Lord; that is all I ask. Just give her one perfect child." Suddenly the fear, the anger, the love that he had been fighting overwhelmed him and he buried his head in his hands as the tears came. "Keep her safe. Please – I am begging You – keep her safe!"

The woman and children for whose lives Erik bargained with God were at that very moment having a joyous reunion in the front drive of Trevinny. Moira was climbing down from the front of the small cart and slipping the reins of the team through the ring in the hitching post. Tallis waited until the cart was still before walking out the front door and to the back of the cart, a huge smile on her face as her sons reached for her.

"Mama!" Gabriel exclaimed as his arms wrapped around Tallis' neck.

"Oh, I missed you so much!" Tallis said, smiling at the half-grin that crossed Gabriel's face – a grin that reminded her so much of his father.

"But it was only one night," Gabriel replied.

"And one night without my boys feels like a lifetime to me," Tallis told him as she kissed cheek.

"Why?" Gabriel wanted to know.

Tallis ran her fingers through his thick curls and pulled Gabriel's head forward, kissing it lightly. "Because I love you so much," she whispered. "Do you want me to lift you down?"

Gabriel squirmed out of his mother's arms. "I am a big boy now, Mama," he insisted and jumped down from the cart, landing firmly on his feet and smiling up at Tallis. "See?"

Tallis ruffled his curls. "You are such a big boy!" she agreed and turned her attention to her second son who waited in the cart with his arms open to her. "And are you a big boy, too?" Tallis asked Michael, as she pulled him to her, hugging him close.

"No," Michael replied as he kissed his mother and wrapped his arms tightly about her neck, his legs wrapping about her waist. "Carry me, Mama."

"Baby," Gabriel said as he turned to the open door to Trevinny, walking inside.

"I shall carry you inside," Tallis told Michael, "but then you must play quietly with your brother for a few moments while I talk to Aunt Moira, yes?"

Michael sighed and settled his head on Tallis' shoulder. "Yes, Mama."

"Would my boys were so well behaved," Moira laughed as she walked from the hitching post to stand next to Tallis. Moira reached out to stroke Michael's head. "We had such a wonderful time with them last night," she told Tallis before the question was even asked. "They helped with the chores," Moira continued and stopped as an embarrassed smile crossed her face.

"Helped or hindered?" Tallis whispered as she walked into the entry hall of Trevinny and placed Michael down. "Go and play with your brother," she said and watched as Michael scampered over to where Gabriel was playing at the bottom of the grand staircase. "Gabriel watch your little brother for a moment," Tallis called out and waited until Gabriel looked up and nodded at her before handing a wooden soldier to his younger brother. Tallis gave a last glance to her boys playing in their usual spot before turning back to her cousin.

"They definitely helped," Moira lied in reply to Tallis' question, her face a perfect blank canvass. "And what of Erik? Helped or hindered?"

Tallis sighed and shook her head. "He probably helped as much as the boys did."

Moira laid a hand on Tallis' arm. "I am that sorry. Is he being horrible about it?"

Tallis frowned. "Yes, he is," she admitted. "He rose before I did this morning and locked himself in his music room. He would not come out for breakfast and he will not talk to me." Her voice lowered. "He drives me to distraction when he behaves in such a manner! He is … he is …"

"Still The Phantom?" Moira asked.

"Yes," Tallis replied and kicked out at the marble floor beneath her feet. "Damn him."

Moira sighed. "You knew what – and whom – you were marrying. You would not hear a word against him from any of us," she reminded her cousin.

"I know, I know," Tallis replied, nodding sadly. "I just thought that after all this time he would finally be secure enough to know that the boys love him and that I love him." She heaved a great sigh. "And that he can be free to love us in return." She looked over her shoulder at the two dark-haired children playing together before turning back to Moira. "It frightens me when he is like this," she said. "I worry about what he might do to the boys."

Moira looked shocked. "He would not hurt them!" She shook her head. "Would he?"

"Not physically," Tallis told her. "But, oh Moira, I worry about what he could do their emotions." There was a note of pained resignation in Tallis' voice. "He still has that ability to control a person, that ability to take a person and mold them into his creation. He knows he cannot – and dare not! - do it with me but what if something happens to me when this baby is born?" Tallis reached a hand down to cover her lower abdomen. "What will become of my children? What kind of people will he raise them to be? I cannot even bear to think of my sweet babies with all their promise alone in his hands!" Tallis felt her arms gripped firmly in Moira's hands.

"You need never worry about it!" Moira adamantly declared. "I promise that if anything should happen to you, Joseph and I will take your children. We will protect them and raise them to be the people you would want them to be. I swear!"

"Thank you," Tallis replied as she sniffled back tears and wrapped her cousin in a warm hug. "Thank you," she repeated as they drew apart.

"You are very welcome," Moira whispered. "I shall pray that it will never be necessary."

Tallis nodded. "So shall I." She watched as Moira waved to Gabriel and Michael.

"I must be getting back," Moira said and blew kisses at the boys who were waving at her before turning her attention back to Tallis. "If you need anything – anything! – you come to us. We will do whatever is required to protect you and the children. Yes?"

"Yes," Tallis said and walked Moira to the door. "Thank you," she said again, giving Moira one last hug and watching as Moira undid the reins, holding onto them as she climbed aboard the cart.

"Anything," Moira gave a last reminder as she guided her team down Trevinny's long drive.

Tallis nodded her acknowledgement and turned back to Trevinny, entering the foyer and closing the door behind her self. She walked over to where her sons were playing quietly, smiling down at the upturned faces that greeted her. "I think there are bacon sandwiches, milk and applesauce in the kitchen for lunch," she told them. "Are you hungry?"

Both boys jumped to their feet.

"Yes, please!" Gabriel exclaimed.

"Cut mine?" Michael wondered.

"Certainly," Tallis said as she took each of her children by the hand.

"Baby," Gabriel muttered.

The rest of the afternoon was spent quietly as Tallis continued her methodical inspection of each room in Trevinny. She looked under dust covers and in drawers, ensuring that each item from the previous year was still there and ticking the item off her list as she found it. She smiled at her sons as they played in the upstairs hallway as she went from room to room. Tallis would hear their laughter and peek around an open doorway at them as they went about the business of being children. Her heart would swell with pride as she watched Gabriel carefully keep his younger brother near him, preventing Michael from wandering off and possibly being hurt. Gabriel was so like his father, the thought passed through her mind, methodical, careful and observant. And Michael was like her, ready to fly off, chasing after the next adventure, always eager for a new experience. Her children balanced each other out nicely, Tallis thought.

"Just like Erik and I used to do," she whispered to herself as she closed the door to the room she had been inspecting.

"What did you say, Mama?" Gabriel asked.

Tallis smiled down at him. "I said I think it is time we should be returning home to your father. I need to get dinner ready." She bent over and ran a finger down Gabriel's cheek. "And you need to wash that dirty little face."

"I not dirty," Michael declared.

Gabriel rolled his eyes at his little brother. "Yes you are."

Michael stuck out his lip and looked at his mother. "I not dirty!"

"Perhaps just a little," Tallis told him, taking his hand as well as his brother's and raising them to their feet. "So you shall need to have your face washed, as well." She looked down at the toy soldiers on the floor. "Pick up your toys and we shall put them in the box on the first floor."

Tallis guided her children down the hall and then down the stairs to the first floor. She waited patiently while Gabriel and Michael put their toy soldiers in the box tucked into the curve of the stairs. Tallis then helped Michael slip into his coat while Gabriel put on his own. She slipped into her own coat, guiding her children out the front door and locking it. Tallis took a hand from each child into one of her own and began walking back to the cottage. She listened as the boys told her of the night spent with their cousins. She listened to Gabriel as he described how he was learning how to milk a cow. She listened as Michael told her of being allowed to help feed the chickens. Tallis laughed with her sons as they described trying to help the herding dogs round up a few stray ewes. Soon enough their conversation stopped as they reached their own front door. Tallis drew a deep, silent breath and pushed the door open, her fear easing a bit as sound could be heard coming from behind the closed door of Erik's music room. She shooed her children into the house and helped them out of their coats.

"Can we go see Papa?" Gabriel wanted to know.

"You know the rules," Tallis told him gently. "When the door is closed, we do not bother Papa." She smiled brightly. "Would you both like to come and help me in the kitchen?"

"Play wif toys," Michael said, his little nose wrinkling.

Gabriel took his brother's hand. "I will watch him," he told his mother.

"Do not make too large of a mess," Tallis told them as she ruffled their hair, watching them go down the hall to their room before turning and walking to the kitchen. A look of amazement crossed her face as she entered the kitchen and the aroma of stew reached into her nostrils.

"I thought you would appreciate it if you did not have to cook this evening," a voice said from behind her.

Tallis set her lips into a thin line and squared her shoulders before turning around to look at her husband. "And that is supposed to make everything better?" she asked, watching as the muscles in Erik's lower jaw twitched. Her heart broke as she saw the pained look that crossed his face but she was not giving in easily this time.

"I thought – at the very least - it would help," Erik replied softly.

"It does," Tallis said. "Thank you." She turned back to the room, walking toward the large open hearth. She lifted the lid of the pot simmering there, sniffing the rich steam that floated upward before placing the lid back. She began to turn back toward the room, ready to set the table and found her arms lightly grabbed by the man once again standing behind her. Tallis looked down at her husband's hands before looking up into his face.

"I am … I am …" Erik stuttered. "I am sorry."

Tallis was silent for a moment before shaking her head. "That is not enough this time." She reached up and took Erik's hands from her arms. "Not this time." She walked across the kitchen to the cabinet where the dishes were kept, turning back to find Erik standing next to the table, a look of expectation on his face. Tallis sighed and sat down. "I have been accepting your apologies since we have known each other and I am tired of it." She reached a hand up to rub at her forehead. "I am tired of you having to say them." Tallis heard a chair scraping along the floor and knew that Erik was sitting down. She raised her head to look at the man seated beside her. "You cannot deny the fact that you are to be father again. This is not going to magically go away just because you wish it!"

"I do not …" Erik started and was stopped by Tallis' upraised hand.

"You do," Tallis sighed in resignation. "And you know that I am aware of such." Her resignation turned to anger. "But I want this baby and I am going to have this baby." Tallis reached out a hand to grab Erik's wrist, sinking her fingernails into his skin. "And you are going to love all of us whether you want to or not! Is that clearly understood?"

Erik could only nod.

Tallis released his wrist and raised an eyebrow at him. "Because if you do not understand and – God forbid – something should happen to me, you will never see your children again."

"What?" Erik bellowed. "How dare you say such a thing!"

"Listen to me," Tallis hissed from between clenched teeth, silencing Erik's outburst. "I will not have any resurrected Phantom raising my children! Do you understand me? Either Erik, my husband, their father, raises my children or they will go to people who will raise them up in love." Tallis' anger and fear got the better of her normally calm disposition. "I will not have you destroy my children's lives the way yours was destroyed!"

There was a potent silence at the kitchen table as husband and wife glared at each other, both struggling to find a way past personal anger and shared fear. It was Erik who broke the silence as he turned away from the cold depths of his wife's gray eyes.

"What have I done?" he whispered, hanging his head.

Tallis watched quietly for a moment before pushing her chair back and walking over to her husband, wrapping her arms about his neck and placing her head on his shoulder. "Nothing that cannot be fixed," she whispered in reply as she kissed his cheek before resting her own against it. "But you must stop being ruled by your fears. You must! If you do not, I fear for what will happen to this family that you want so much."

"You are my fears," Erik replied softly. "You terrify me in a way that I am not even able to explain." He leaned into the cheek against his own, reaching up to wrap his hands about Tallis' arms. "Please promise me that you and the new baby shall be well and I think I may be able to set my fears aside."

Tallis closed her eyes, knowing Erik was lying to her and knowing she was about to lie to him in return. "I promise," she said.

"Thank you," Erik told her, knowing she lied, knowing they both lied; but it was enough for the moment.

"We are hungry," a little voice said from the doorway, interrupting the healing that had slowly begun to take place. "When is dinner going to be ready?"

Tallis and Erik looked up to see their sons - holding hands – standing in the doorway. Tallis opened her mouth but Erik stayed her.

"We have something to tell you," Erik said and held out his hands to his sons. "Come here for a moment."

Michael eagerly skipped across the room and jumped onto his father's lap. Gabriel walked a bit more slowly, waiting until his mother sat down before climbing into her lap.

Tallis watched as Erik wrapped his arms about Michael. She smiled down at Gabriel as she wrapped her own arms about him.

"How would you like to have a little brother or sister?" Erik asked.

"Why?" Michael wanted to know.

Tallis smiled down at the curious face that was looking up at her. "Because Mama is going to have another baby," she said with a smile.

"Baby!" Michael chortled delightedly, his hands going over his mouth.

Tallis raised her eyes from Gabriel to look at Erik, their eyes meeting, unspoken pain and fears in their gazes.

And Gabriel watched his parents. He did not understand what was happening between them but it did not go unnoticed.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: Sorry about the delay in updating but the end of summer means the beginning of the fall semester. That means my job gets crazy and Real Life takes over. Hope this was worth the wait and thanks for your patience!_

**Chapter Summary:** It has been a few months since Tallis informed Erik that they were expecting another child. Time has not been her friend for Erik is sinking further and further back into the darkness from which Tallis had pulled him. Tallis finally looses her temper with Erik and goes to Kingsand to spend the day with her sons. And Gabriel makes a promise to his mother.

CHAPTER THREE

The following months flew by in a haze of activity as Tallis prepared for the opening of Trevinny that was all too soon to occur. It had been a long held understanding between Serge and Tallis that guests were to be expected any time from the beginning of June through the end of August and the house would be ready to receive them. This year Tallis knew that Serge would not be spending the summer at Trevinny with his family as was his wont for Nadia was barely a year old and Ilse wished to take her sons and daughter up into the Bavarian mountains of her youth. No, this year it would be cousins and parents, brothers and sisters who would come to enjoy the hospitality offered forth by Tallis and her staff. Tallis would ensure that each guest found a welcoming atmosphere where local food warmed the belly and comfortable beds awaited a weary body at the end of the day. Tallis had carefully chosen her staff and each man and woman willingly gave all they had to the young woman who ran Trevinny as if it were her own home. Tallis trusted her staff to treat the guests with due respect and to handle matters as she would. And she trusted Moira to take over – once again - for her as the summer would draw to a close and the birth of her own child crept ever closer.

Yet, in spite of all the renewed activity and happy expectations that came with the yearly opening of Trevinny, Tallis would find herself in rare quiet moments sighing heavily as she thought upon the cold politeness that now existed between herself and Erik. She knew he was frightened. Tallis was frightened, as well; but she knew that if they could share their fears, it would help to ease their burdens. Yet each day that passed seemed to send Erik running further and further away from her. He played the concerned and caring father and husband during daylight hours but at night Erik would sleep with his back to her, ignoring her attempts to find comfort in the warmth of his arms, banishing the passion they shared into the mists of memory. Most nights would find Tallis crying herself to sleep – from fear, from anger, from want – unable to see the battle the man on the opposite side of the bed was fighting with himself as he listened to her soft cries. And as time continued to march onward and the evidence of the child she carried grew ever more obvious, Erik crept deeper and deeper into his familiar darkness, spending more and more time behind the locked door of his music room. Tallis' patience with her husband's moodiness finally reached its breaking point one morning while she ate breakfast with her sons.

Tallis turned around as she heard the sound of tiny feet on the floor behind her. She smiled as she watched Gabriel leading Michael into the kitchen for breakfast. She walked across the kitchen, stopping to kiss Gabriel before lifting Michael into her arms. "Good morning," she said as she smiled at her sons. Tallis looked at Michael's clothing and ruffled Gabriel's hair as he settled into a chair. "You did a very good job of helping your brother to dress," she told her oldest son before settling Michael into his chair.

"Thank you, Mama," Gabriel replied. "He squirms."

Tallis laughed as she set bowls of porridge and glasses of milk before her sons. "You squirmed, as well."

"I never squirmed," Gabriel declared around a mouthful of porridge.

"No," Tallis lied as she banished the smile from her face. "You never squirmed." She sat in the chair between her sons, reaching for a napkin to slip under Michael's chin. "You do not want to make a mess all over your clothes."

"Why?" Michael wanted to know.

"Because we are going to go into town today and I want you to have clean clothes for at least a little while," Tallis told him.

"Jam, Mama!" Michael declared, ignoring his mother and reaching for the jam jar that Tallis had placed just beyond his reach.

"What do you say?" Tallis wondered.

Michael looked up at her with wide, innocent gray eyes. "Jam, Mama!"

"You say 'please'," Gabriel grumbled.

"Please," Michael mimicked his older brother.

Tallis placed a large spoon of jam on the top of Michael's porridge and turned to Gabriel. "Would you like some, as well?" she wondered.

"No," Gabriel sighed as he played with his breakfast.

"What is the matter?" Tallis wondered. She knew her eldest child could be moody and prone to temper tantrums when things did not go his way but Tallis also knew that those moments usually occurred when Gabriel was tired and out of patience. "Gabriel?"

Gabriel raised his head and looked at his mother. "Is Papa coming with us today?"

Tallis silently wished for Erik to be at the table in that moment so that he could see the pain in the eyes of a five-year old. "No," Tallis told him with a shake of her head. "Not this day. Today it shall be just you and I and Michael. Papa has to work."

"But there is no music," Gabriel stated the obvious.

Tallis sighed inwardly; Gabriel had inherited his father's talent for observation. "Sometimes when Papa works he hears the music in his head and he must listen to it and understand it before he can play it on the piano." Tallis studied the questioning little face looking at her. "Do you understand?"

"He is no fun anymore," Gabriel said. "He just stays in his music room all day long. He never takes us for walks with the dogs and he never lets us play music with him. He never plays with us." Gabriel returned to playing with his porridge. "Papa is no fun anymore."

Inwardly seething, Tallis leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on Gabriel's head. "Have a care for your little brother for a moment," she told him before standing and leaving the warmth of the kitchen.

Tallis walked toward the north end of the cottage and the room that had been turned into Erik's music room. He had declared he liked the room for its north-facing window that let in filtered light and cool breezes off the moors. Tallis knew that he liked it for it reminded him of the damp coolness beneath the opera house. Tallis knew that her husband needed the tangible memories that the room evoked in order to feel safe. She knew he needed to feel safe in order to create the beauty that flowed from his mind through his fingertips. She understood him and loved him enough to know that a part of his soul would forever remain in the twisted tangle of rooms and passages beneath the opera house. Yet on this day she had had enough of the brooding Phantom who had been sharing her life and her bed for the last months.

"Erik," Tallis called softly as she stopped in front of the door to her husband's music room.

There was no answer.

"Erik!" Tallis demanded as she carefully tried the knob and found the door locked. "Damn, impossible man," she muttered and pulled a single key from the pocket of her apron. She slipped the key into the lock and turned it, her free hand pushing the door open. "Erik," Tallis sighed in frustration.

Erik sat in one of two chairs that faced the cold fireplace. His eyes were closed, hands folded in his lap and he appeared to be sleeping but at the sound of his wife's sigh, his eyes opened. "What do you want?" he wondered. "Can you not see I am working?"

Tallis quietly closed the door behind hers and folded her arms over her chest. "I see that you are very hard at work." She frowned as Erik turned his head toward her. "Hard at work brooding."

"I was listening," Erik hissed between clenched teeth.

"To your misery," Tallis shot back, a single hand going out as Erik began to rise to his feet. "If you get out of that chair, I am going to scream and than I shall hit you." A decidedly nasty smile curled her lips. "And then what will your sons – pardon me – my sons think of you?"

"You would not dare," Erik told her as he did, indeed, rise to his feet.

Tallis stood her ground. "You know better than that," she replied, watching as Erik approached where she stood. Tallis decided to play the one card that she knew would always cut to his very fragile heart. "Monsieur le Phantom."

Erik froze in mid-step.

Tallis wished to scream her triumph in her husband's face but knew she had done enough. "Gabriel says that you are no longer any fun," she said, seeing Erik's head turn away at her words. "He has seen through your poor attempts to hide behind your mask! He says you no longer do anything with him and with Michael. I told him you were working and he said he did not hear the music." Tallis let her arms fall to her side as a sigh escaped her lips. "Gabriel is far too much your child and I will not allow him to become you!"

Erik's head snapped back at that statement, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "Watch where you tread, Madame," he warned.

"I am no longer frightened of you," Tallis said simply. "I am also tired of you. I am tired of the man, the ghost, the damn phantom who has invaded my happy family over these last months! If you wish to hide from the world, from your fears, then so be it!" Tallis, too, narrowed her eyes. "But I will not allow you to drag my children – any of my children! - into that darkness with you!" Tallis backed up two steps, a hand reaching behind to grab the door latch. "I am taking my children into town today. I am going to go to the doctor for a visit and then we shall shop and have lunch. We will return home when we return home and you, sir, can have a care for yourself this day!" Tallis opened the door and slammed it closed, slipping the key into the lock and turning it loudly. She made one last point as the sharp tip of a sturdy shoe kicked at the base of the door.

Tallis strode quickly back to the kitchen, her heart pounding, a little butterfly fluttering its wings at the bottom of her abdomen. "I will be damned if I tell him," she whispered as she reached out to caress her baby.

"Mama?" Gabriel's voice cut through Tallis' angry introspection.

A smile quickly replaced the frown on Tallis' face as she looked at the two little faces looking at her with such expectation. "Papa is busy working and it shall just be the three of us going to town this day," she said as she walked into the kitchen. "Michael," Tallis laughed as she removed the napkin from about his neck and used a clean corner of it to wipe at the sticky mess on his face. "Gabriel, can you take your brother and wish his face while I clean the breakfast dishes?" Tallis lifted Michael from his seat and placed him down, waiting until Gabriel took his brother's hand.

"Is Papa coming with us?" Gabriel wanted to know.

"No," Tallis said, seeing the disappointment crossing the faces of her two boys. "But that is all right for we shall have a very good day in town." Tallis smiled as she bent over slightly and placed gentle hands on the boys' faces. "Plus I have some surprises for you both." She straightened. "No go and wash faces and hands and play quietly for a few minutes."

Tallis turned back to the work at hand, trusting that Gabriel would do as she asked and watch out for his little brother. She quickly cleaned the breakfast mess, walking out the back door to give the leftovers to the two dogs that greeted her with bright eyes and wagging tails. Tallis made a mental note to find some time in the early evenings to take the boys and the dogs out on the moors for walks. "Since someone else is not going to do it," she muttered under her breath as she closed the outside door. She stood with her back against the door for a moment before walking across the kitchen to open a cabinet on the far side. Tallis reached into the cabinet, feeling about, before pulling out a small satin bag. Her fingers ran over it lightly, a wistful smile curling her lips as she thought of the day that she had received the bag…

Antoinette managed a small laugh. "You are not 'simple folk', my dear child." She reached behind a pillow on the sofa, extracting a satin pouch that she placed into Tallis' hands. "This is some money I wish you to put away."

"I cannot accept this…" Tallis began.

"I am glad I accepted it, my dear friend," Tallis said as she reached in and took out several bills from her secret fund before slipping the satin bag back into its hiding spot. "This shall help to make a memory this day for my children and bring smiles to their faces." Tallis heaved a great sigh. "It shall bring the smile back to Gabriel's face."

Tallis turned on her heel and walked out into the great room of the cottage, smiling as she saw her boys waiting near the door, both beginning to fidget impatiently. Tallis crossed to their sides and took small jackets off of peg hooks. "Put these on," she told them.

"Why?" Michael asked as his mother helped him slip into the jacket.

"Because it is still a bit chill in the morning and it shall be a bit chill when we come home this evening," Tallis told him.

"We are going to be in town all day?" Gabriel wondered, his eyes growing big at the prospect.

Tallis nodded at him as she wrapped a colorful shawl about her torso. "All day," she replied. "I have to see the doctor about the new baby and there are errands to run." She grinned at her children. "And we shall have lunch and a snack and shop."

Michael pulled on his mother's skirt. "Park, Mama!"

Tallis opened the front door. "Of a certainty, we shall visit the park." She waited until Michael and Gabriel had walked out to the small front garden before closing the door; Michael was all ready running toward the path that led to Trevinny. "Michael, stay on the path and away from the cliff!" Tallis called after him, smiling down as Gabriel took her hand.

"I want to have fun," Gabriel stated as he smiled up at his mother.

"Then let us go and find the very first surprise of the day," Tallis smiled back at him.

Ten minutes later, Tallis stood in the front drive of Trevinny, a child's hand in each of her own. She could not repress the giggles that bubbled up and over her lips as she looked at her children, their eyes wide, their mouths open.

"We are not walking?" Gabriel asked.

"Ride?" Michael wondered.

Tallis turned her smiling face toward the man who held open the door of the private coach, a blue velvet interior visible through the open door. "We are going to ride to town this day," Tallis told them. "Count von Theissen-Koenig has said that we may use his coach on very special occasions." Tallis squeezed the little hands holding to hers. "I think today is a very special occasion." She looked down at her sons. "Do you like your first surprise?"

"Go! Go! Go!" Michael said as he scrambled to the coach, climbing up the stairs.

"Let me help you, my lad," John Terrance, the coachman, said, giving Michael a boost, helping little legs to navigate the steps into the coach.

Gabriel turned big eyes to his mother. "Can I ride on top?"

Tallis fixed her son with a worried, indecisive look. "I do not know if that is wise."

"I shall have a care for him, ma'am," John interjected, having noted the eager look on Gabriel's face. Tallis was respected and well liked by the staff that she had hired to tend to all of Trevinny's many needs. That respect was quickly transferred to each child that she had introduced to the staff. Each man and woman found Gabriel and Michael to be well-behaved, curious children and they took Tallis' children under their wings as if they were their own, teaching, befriending and caring for the two boys.

"Please, Mama!" Gabriel pleaded.

"Please, ma'am!" John added his own plea.

Tallis winced inwardly but gave in, unable to resist the eager expectation on her son's face. "Yes," she said and quickly admonished, "But only if you promise to listen to everything Mister Terrance tells you."

"I promise, Mama!" Gabriel said as he let go of his mother's hand. "I promise!"

Tallis watched as John easily lifted Gabriel into his arms, helping the little boy onto the top of the coach. Tallis giggled once again as she watched the looks that passed over her son's face as he took in everything from his high perch – the horses, the equipage, the view – squirming in his eagerness to be gone.

"Thank you, John," Tallis said as she took John's offered hand and climbed into the coach. "I believe you have just made him happier than he has been in days."

"Ah, it's nothing," John told her with a shake of his head. "It shall be fun for the young master and I can teach him at the same time." He nodded his head, a crooked grin spreading across his face. "How better to learn than to make it fun?"

"How indeed," Tallis replied softly as she settled herself on a padded interior bench.

"Go! Go! Go!" Michael declared as he clambered up next to his mother.

"I wanna go!" Gabriel could be heard.

"I have my orders," John said with a wink as he closed the coach door.

Tallis could feel the well-sprung coach sway slightly as John climbed aboard. "Sit down," she told Michael who was standing next to her and suddenly there was a light jerk as the team began to move forward. As the sound of wheels crunching on the drive and the jingle of the equipage crept in through the partially opened window to which Michael's tiny hands clung, Tallis could feel her anger and frustration and sadness begin to fade away. It faded away even as Trevinny and the cottage by the sea faded away behind the coach that was rapidly picking up speed. Tallis' storm-tossed emotions continued to fade as she answered all the questions Michael asked about the countryside that went past and Gabriel's laughter could be heard drifting backward from the top of the coach.

The stress and anger continued to fade as Tallis looked into the eyes of David Pendleton, one of the physicians in Kingsand and the one who had delivered both of her boys.

"Then everything is going well?" Tallis asked for the hundredth time in attempt to reassure her self and ease her fears.

"I can detect no problems." David Pendleton leaned forward and lightly tapped Tallis' knee. "I think that, perhaps, you all ready are aware of such."

"I am," Tallis acknowledged and let out a long breath that deflated her rigid posture and she closed her eyes. "Thank God," she breathed before opening her eyes again. "And thank you."

"You are a very good patient," David told her. "You follow my directions without question." His mood sobered a bit. "I am more concerned about what will happen during delivery. I wish you would allow me to deliver this child in the hospital."

"No. This baby shall be born at home, in the comfort of my own bedroom." Tallis shook her head. "What will happen is meant to happen and I mean to have my family about me, in any case."

David rose to his feet, extending his hands and helping Tallis to her own. "Ah, the French," he breathed as a small smile crossed his face. "And they say we English have such phlegm."

"I am just a realist," Tallis told him.

"And a very charming one, at that," David said with a smile as he opened the door to his waiting room, smiling at the two small children who played quietly in a corner.

"Mama!" Gabriel and Michael chorused as the door opened.

"Are you ready for the rest of our day?" Tallis wondered.

"Our baby?" Gabriel asked causing his mother to smile inwardly at his choice of words.

"Your new baby brother or sister is doing very well," David assured the little boy.

"Me hungry!" Michael said.

"You are always hungry," Tallis sighed and turned to David. "I shall see you in another few weeks." She nodded as David's mouth opened. "And I promise I shall send should anything change."

David nodded at his next patient before walking Tallis and her sons to the front door of the home where his office took up what had once been a study and a library. "Have a lovely day, Madame," he said as Tallis left, a child's hand in each of her own.

Tallis walked with her sons down the porch steps, through the small gate and out into the high street of Kingsand. "Where should we start?" she asked her sons as they stood in the bright sun of a May morning.

"Me hungry!" Michael stated again.

"Me, too," Tallis agreed with a laugh. "I do believe we should have a snack before we begin our shopping." She walked her sons down the hill toward their favorite bakery, swinging her arms back and forth, listening to the chatter and laughter that came from the mouths of two little boys happy to be spending the day with their mother.

Time flew by that day as Tallis went into shop after shop in Kingsand, placing orders for the seasonal needs of Trevinny, ensuring standing orders would be filled. She allowed Gabriel and Michael to look in the windows of shops when something especially interesting caught their eyes. They picked up their lunch at the very same shop in which Tallis and Serge had gotten their first lunch all those years ago. The same old man was still behind the counter and – with a wink and a nod to Tallis – he snuck an extra sweet into the lunch packets for Gabriel and Michael. Tallis took her sons to the same park by the sea where she had eaten her lunch with Serge and with her cousins when she was much younger. She sat on a bench with another mother, watching as their children ran about the park, playing games that only a child's imagination could conjure. Tallis watched as her sons' attention was caught by the boats that drifted past, gulls following close behind as they trailed the odor of the day's catch. She was caught up in their infectious laughter at the cormorants that dove beneath the dark waves, returning with fish in their beaks. And as the day began to fade into late afternoon, Tallis walked her sons back toward the town stables where they were to meet John and ride home. One final stop was made at the local mercantile where Tallis allowed her sons to purchase one small toy of their choice – a toy horse for Michael and a milk cart for Gabriel.

Finally – as the sun began to set over the western Atlantic – John guided the coach back toward Trevinny and the cottage by the sea. The outside of the coach was stacked with the day's purchases that John had gathered together and he sat in the driver's seat, a happy tune whistled from between his lips as he skillfully guided the team home. And inside the coach, Tallis sat, her feet sore, her head aching slightly, a familiar pain in the small of her back but content, none-the-less. Michael's head rested in her lap, the toddler falling asleep the minute the coach door had closed. Tallis looked down at her sleeping child, his thumb in mouth and caressed the dark curls that tumbled about his sweet little face.

"Mama?"

Tallis turned to look at Gabriel who sat on her other side. She reached her free arm about his shoulders, pulling him close, nestling him in the warmth of her embrace. "What is it?"

Gabriel turned an earnest face to look at his mother. "Someday when I get all big, I am gonna get you and me and Michael and the new baby a house that will be just for us. I am gonna take care of you."

Tallis bit her bottom lip at the words that had slipped from between Gabriel's lips. "You take care of me now," she told him. _"In ways that you will never know, you take care of me," _she thought to herself.

"I am still gonna get us a house," Gabriel insisted.

"I would like that," Tallis assured him and leaned over to kiss the top of his head.

"I love you, Mama," Gabriel said as he rested his head against Tallis' side.

"I love you, too, my baby," Tallis breathed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Summary:** Erik and Tallis continue to struggle in the emotional maelstrom brought about by her pregnancy. Tallis asks Erik to watch what she is doing, hoping he will understand. Her request leads to an emotionally draining conversation that is overheard by an unseen shadow. And the results of that conversation will change lives.

_**Author's Notes:** First of all the song lyrics are from "The Soft Goodbye" by David Downes and published by Liffey Music. I know it is a recent song but the words conveyed perfectly the emotion for which I was searching. Secondly this is a _**Tissue Issue**_ chapter. I mean it. Consider yourselves warned!_

CHAPTER FOUR

It had been nearly a week since Tallis had visited the bustling harbor town of Kingsand with her children to shop, eat, enjoy the park and visit with the doctor who had delivered her sons. During the first two days after that visit, Tallis had waited for Erik to inquire about her health and the health of their new child, her anger and sadness growing with each silent minute that had passed. She knew that Erik longed to know for she could see the questions in his eyes when he did not think she looked. Yet the very instant she would catch him in an unguarded moment, Tallis could see the doors and windows to his heart and soul slam shut, her husband unwilling to face still another pain in his life. Tallis' anger and sadness began to slowly fade into a resigned acceptance. She knew the man she had married, she knew his character flaws and had accepted them regardless and all that Tallis could do was make the best of the decisions that had brought her to this point.

Now Tallis paused in the doorway to the room her sons shared, staring at them, a smile crossing her face as she watched their sleeping forms. Michael was curled on his side, his newest horse clutched tightly in one hand, the other hand near his mouth but – thankfully Tallis noted – no fingers beyond his closed lips. She turned her gaze toward the other bed to look at Gabriel who was flat on his back, arms outspread, looking as if he were flying, open and willing to face the world. Tallis breathed a happy sigh as she gently eased the door nearly shut; she had learned to leave the door slightly ajar so that she could hear her sons in the night. Tallis gave a last listen to the gentle sounds of Gabriel and Michael at rest before moving through the darkened cottage and toward the room she shared with her husband.

Tallis paused at the closed door to the bedroom, her hand reaching for the latch and falling back to her side. She stood silently as her thoughts were tossed about like ships in a storm and the child in her womb fluttered anxiously. Tallis wanted nothing more than to turn on her heel, walk back to her children's bedroom and sleep the night away with them, allowing their innocent dreams to chase away her own dark imaginings. Yet there was a powerful draw beyond the closed door before her that Tallis knew she could not fight. She knew that she would open that door, walk in and spend the night sharing a cold bed with a stranger. Tallis knew she would walk through that door for she could not do otherwise.

"God help me," she whispered to herself as her hand returned to the latch, slowly lifting it, "I love that man."

That man was sitting on the edge of the bed nearest the door as Tallis walked in to the room. She saw him lift his head as she entered the room, his face a blank canvas, devoid of even the merest hint of emotion. Tallis walked past her husband, knowing his eyes followed her every movement. She paused before the rocking chair, slipping her shawl from her shoulders and draping it over the back of the chair. Tallis drew a deep breath before crossing her arms over her chest and turning around. "Are we switching sides of the bed this night?" she wondered. Tallis watched as Erik cast his eyes down, away from her gaze.

"I … I … I…" he stammered.

"You what?" Tallis sighed in a tone of voice normally reserved for exasperating children.

Erik lifted his head, fixing his wife with an even gaze. "I would like to know what the doctor told you." He shook his head slightly. "I would like to know if … if …"

Tallis watched as her husband struggled with the complex emotions that ruled his heart. She knew what he wanted to ask and could have given him an answer without Erik having to fumble over his words. Yet Tallis was tired and a small spark of anger still glowed in her soul; she was going to make him ask, make him say the words aloud. "You would like to know what?"

"What has the doctor said?" Erik repeated.

"I am well. The baby is well and everything is progressing as it should," Tallis told him, standing her ground on the other side of their room, waiting for her husband to ask the question he could not voice, to seek permission to – once again – be a father.

"I am pleased, then," Erik breathed and looked down at his hands before slowly rising to his feet and turning to look at his wife. "Is the baby…" he began and paused. "Has the baby …"

Tallis was growing weary of Erik's attempts to voice his desires. She raised a hand to rub across her forehead in an attempt to ease the headache she could feel beginning. "Has the baby what, Erik?" she asked a bit more sharply than she had intended.

"Has my child begun to move yet?" Erik shot back in an equally sharp tone.

"Now it is your child?" Tallis wondered. "When did that happen?"

Erik took two steps toward his wife. "It happened the day I took you to my bed, Madame!"

"That was my second mistake!" Tallis retorted in a raised voice.

"What, pray tell, was the first?" Erik, too, could raise his voice and exert the power behind it.

"Falling in love with you!" Tallis exclaimed before clapping her hands over her mouth. She sunk into the rocking chair and promptly burst into tears. "I love you so much it hurts!" Tallis said as she buried her head in her hands, the tears still flowing freely. "Your sons love you even more! And I keep looking at everything you are missing, everything you are casting aside and I feel so betrayed! I keep wondering if I should not have left you to die all those years ago." Tallis began to hiccup around her sobs. "And than I hate myself for wondering such a thing because of everything I would have missed! I would not have Gabriel. I would not have Michael. I would not have this new baby. I would not have you." She felt hands on her shoulders but Tallis would not raise her head. "I would not have lived at all!" Her sobs began to overwhelm her again and Tallis found she no longer had words left.

"I am the world's greatest fool," a gentle voice told her as Tallis was raised to her feet, warm arms wrapping about her, the hands of a master massaging just the right point in her back to ease her hiccups.

Tallis managed to nod her head. "Yes, you are," she agreed as she felt a single finger go beneath her chin, lifting her head up.

"Would you like my handkerchief to dry your eyes?" Erik wondered.

Tallis finally opened her eyes; there was still a silvery glint of defiance in them. "No, thank you; I believe I shall just wipe them on my sleeve." And Tallis drew back from Erik's embrace and did, indeed, wipe her eyes on her sleeve.

"Will you accept my apology for my incredibly boorish behavior these last weeks?" Erik's tone of voice was sincerely apologetic.

"I will," Tallis nodded and quickly dashed the hope that had begun to glow in her husband's eyes. "But you must do more, Erik; you need to do more! You need to be a father to your sons again. You need to be my husband again. You need to be a father to our new child." Tallis set her jaw, her lower lip sticking out in a pout. "You need to stop being The Phantom and – once again – be the man I know you are capable of being."

"I am … afraid," Erik admitted reluctantly, "and I am not sure I know how to do that anymore." Erik managed a ghost of a smile. "But I shall try."

"Try very hard!" Tallis told him, her chin quivering as she fought to get her tears under control. "I cannot do this alone! I need your help!"

"I shall try," Erik repeated, emphasizing the last word. "It is all I can do and it shall have to be enough."

Tallis nodded her acceptance and held up a hand as Erik – once again – reached for her. "All I ask is that you watch…"

"Watch for what?"

"You will know," Tallis told him. "If you truly love me, if you truly love your children, you will know and there shall be no need to explain it to you."

Erik sighed his frustration. "Explain what!"

Tallis took two steps forward and took her husband's hands in her own shaking ones. "If you watch, if you become a husband and a father again, you will know and there shall be no need to explain it to you." Tallis gave him a smile that started out wavering but grew stronger as the shaking in her hands stopped. "I need you to know! You must know!" She took back one of Erik's hands and found the spot where their child was demanding its share of the attention. Tallis watched quietly as the light began to glow in her husband's eyes, a smile nudging the corners of his mouth upward and she felt hope begin to slowly grow in her soul.

"How long?" Erik wondered as he felt his newest child play beneath his hand.

"A little over a week," Tallis told him.

"It is alive," Erik said softly, almost to himself, raising his head to look at his wife. "I will know?"

Tallis saw the same wonder and amazement upon her husband's face that she had seen each time he had felt a child move beneath her skin. It was a gift he had never thought to have and she had been so pleased to be able to give it to him. Her anger and frustration and sadness melted beneath that look and Tallis took her husband into her embrace, wrapping her arms about Erik, pulling him close. "You will know," she promised him. "You will know," she whispered into his ear as she began to cry. _You will know,_ Tallis thought as she felt herself lifted up into strong, protective arms and carried to the bed. _You have to know._

The next weeks passed quickly as spring gradually gave way to summer, each day growing warmer and longer, each night growing softer and shorter. The activity at Trevinny began to settle into the busy routine of the season as part-time staff returned, filling out the positions required to run a grand home full of grand people. Yet each passing day saw Tallis spending less and less time at Trevinny as she turned the running of the home and staff over to her cousin Moira, falling back to the familiar ways that had accompanied the birth of each of her other children. Each morning would find Tallis meeting with the staff at Trevinny and giving orders for the day, trusting that the people she knew, respected and loved would not fail her, before returning to the cottage and her small family where Tallis would fall into a comforting pattern of daily behavior.

The pattern of behavior was woven about Gabriel and Michael, its threads catching the children in the tapestry their mother was creating. Each thread caught a child up in a mother's love as Tallis spun silver threads of laughter throughout a day's play, throwing a ball for children and dogs to chase, blowing dandelions and watching their little fairies scatter about the wind. Multi-colored threads were woven throughout the day as Tallis taught her children to cook, caring little for the mess they made. Bright colors began to create a tapestry as Tallis gifted her children with the knowledge that she had learned from her parents before her, preparing them for the life that awaited them. But precious gold threads were saved for the softer hours of the night when Tallis would sit in her children's bedroom, wondrous tales taking Gabriel and Michael to faraway lands on great adventures. And as little eyelids would begin to close, a mother's lullaby would wing them to dreamland, a kiss on their foreheads the price of admission.

Tallis knew that Erik watched what she was doing with their children, struggling to understand that which was before his eyes. Tallis could see the little cracks begin to form in the wall that Erik had once again begun to build about his heart and – in those moments – she was able to draw him into the tapestry she was creating. Tallis would find her husband hesitantly - almost fearfully - coming to join in the games played in the bright sunshine. She would find him standing at her elbow, watching with curiosity as two pairs of small hands made a mess that scattered about the huge kitchen. Tallis would see Erik shaking his head – utterly mystified - at the laughter and joy found in the work to clean messes made. And Tallis could see her husband's wall fortified each night as his shadow would hover in the doorway to the children's bedroom, Erik listening to the words that sung her children to the Land of Nod:

_…Rain comes over the gray hills  
and on the air a soft goodbye.  
Hear the song that I sing to you  
when the time has come to fly._

_When I leave and take the wind  
and find the land that faith will bring,  
the brightest star in the evening sky  
is your love waiting far for me._

"What is that song?" Erik asked Tallis one evening as she came into their room.

Tallis shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. "I do not know. It is something I heard Moira sing to her own children one night." A strange smile crossed her lips. "I love the song. It is calm and restful and it always helps to ease Gabriel and Michael to sleep." Tallis crossed the room, leaving the door slightly ajar, and sat the edge of the bed, watching as Erik paced back and forth before the cold hearth. "What did you say?" Tallis wondered as she heard Erik mutter something unintelligible.

"I said," Erik replied as he stopped paced to look at his wife, "it is a depressing song."

"And you would certainly understand such a thing," Tallis shot back, watching as her husband drew himself up, squaring his shoulders and setting his jaw.

"Yes, I would," Erik told her in a soft voice that bespoke more emotion that any raised tone could.

"You do not understand," Tallis said in amazement, unwilling to be caught up in the power that her husband was using. "You still do not understand."

"What am I supposed to understand? That you are choosing to spend each and every minute of each and every day with the children? That you are neglecting your duties as my wife and as the housekeeper for that damn German Count in favor of playing childish games?"

Tallis could feel her anger growing but would not rise to her feet and give Erik the satisfaction of knowing his words stung at her heart. "Serge," Tallis replied evenly, "would understand." She fixed her husband with a steady gaze. "And to where – pray tell – did you think my wifely duties lead? Children are a natural result of those – as you so charmingly put it - duties."

"I never wanted children!" Erik shouted at Tallis. "I only wanted you!"

Husband and wife glared at each other, neither having seen the little shadow that appeared in the doorway and just as suddenly disappeared back into a darkened home. The shadow had not gotten the drink it sought but it had found a new resolve that began to dance in the dreams of a child far older than his years. And while the child found new dreams for a new life, old dreams and old ghosts from an old life still haunted the adults.

"Erik!" Tallis exclaimed, tears beginning to well in the corners of her eyes. "Surely you do not mean that?" She reached protectively for her new child. "Erik…" Tallis could not find the words as frightened tears slipped down her cheeks.

The emotional storm that had caught Erik up in its tempest was quickly swept away by the sight of the silent tears that Tallis cried in the midst of the fear for her children. "I … I…" Erik stammered and sighed, hanging his head. "No. I do not mean that," he admitted.

Tallis watched as Erik stepped toward where she sat, stopping before her. She raised her eyes to his face, seeing the conflicting emotions playing across his face.

"I do not understand," Erik admitted. "You have told me to watch and I have watched. I have watched you devote nearly every waking moment to our children. I do not understand what it is I am seeing."

"Come," Tallis said as she reached for her husband's hands, drawing him down to sit beside her, "sit with me." She shook her head, pained puzzlement crossing her face as she studied the face staring back at her. It hurt Tallis to see Erik so confused and caught up in something he could not control for such things added years to his face, seeming to twist his disfigurement further, making him look like the monster he was once and could still be. "You really do not understand, do you?"

Erik sighed and shook his head. "No."

"I wish you to sit quietly and listen to what I must tell you," Tallis said and squeezed the hands she still held. "I love you," she began, "and I know that you are afraid of what might happen when I birth this child. Do you not think that I am afraid as well? I am afraid of losing this baby. I am afraid of losing my own life but I have to look beyond those fears to what is here and what is real. I must look to my boys; I must look to Gabriel and Michael." Tallis took one of her hands and placed it under her husband's chin, holding his head steady. "What is to become of my children if I should die? Hmm? Do you not understand that I am creating memories for Gabriel and Michael?"

"What?" Erik asked, lost and confused.

"Michael is too young to truly remember me if I should die," Tallis said, her gaze going distant as she turned her thoughts inward. "When he remembers me, it may be as a smell or a smile or a hazy image but he will not remember me." A soft smile curled the corners of Tallis' lips. "Gabriel, though, is old enough to remember me. He is old enough to remember my face and my kiss and the sound of my voice. He is old enough to remember playing in the sunshine with me and making cookies in the kitchen. Gabriel is old enough to remember me for his little brother and for this new baby."

"I do not wish to hear this," Erik said and tried to turn his head.

Tallis kept a firm hold on her husband's chin, forcing him to look at her. "One of us must think upon such things. One of us must look toward the future and since you cannot and will not, I shall." Tallis caught her husband's gaze and held it. "I may die, Erik; I may die and this baby may live. Or the baby shall die and I will live. Or we may both die."

"I cannot bear to think of such things," Erik told her.

"I know," Tallis acknowledged with a slight nod of her head. "I know," she repeated softly. "And that is why I told you to watch what I was doing. I had hoped you would understand. I had hoped that The Phantom would have left enough of Erik so that you would know that I was creating happy memories for our children and that you would join with me. I do not want my sons' memories to be only of me; I want them to be of a happy family! I want my children to have what I had – I want them to be able to look back on their childhood and remember it with smiles and with love."

"How can I give them something I never had and do not understand?" Erik wondered.

"Because you love them," Tallis replied simply. "You can do it because you love them." She grew somber. "Or – at least – I thought you did." The somberness on Tallis' face was replaced by a stern decisiveness. "And if you do not love them, Erik, I swear I will make arrangements so that you will never see them again! Not a word!" Tallis warned as Erik's lips opened in amazement. "Understand me – should I die, I will not have any Phantom raising my children! Either their father will raise them or I vow you will never see them grow to manhood!" Tallis' chin began to quiver but she refused to give in to the tide of sorrow and fear that threatened to drown her. "I need my husband to share my fears. I need the father of my children to love them. I need Erik," Tallis shook her head and took her hands back. "I need…" She could not continue and gave in to her tears, placing her hands over her face. Tallis felt a hand go to rest upon her knee, the other going to clasp gently to her arm. A soft voice followed the warm touches.

"I know you are weary of my apologies but I do not know what else to say," Erik began. "I want to be the man you believe me to be but I am ruled by my fears."

Tallis dropped her hands and opened her eyes as Erik snorted in disgust.

"I do not want to think of what I should be without you," Erik continued. "Do you truly think I wish to be The Phantom again? Do you truly think I wished to be ruled by my madness? That is not what I want!" he exclaimed and bit his bottom lip. "It is not what I wish to give my children. Those children are the greatest gift I have ever been given! They are the future I never thought I would have! Yet I am afraid that should you … should…" Erik stammered and drew a deep breath. "I am afraid that should you die and I lose my touchstone, I will become that monster again. I know that I should!" He shook his head sadly. "And it terrifies me!"

"Do you think I want to die?" Tallis wondered. "Do you think I want to lose this baby? Do you think I want to leave Gabriel and Michael?" She sniffled. "Do you think I want to leave you?" Tallis began to rub gentle circles over the butterfly that fluttered its wings so gently beneath her skin. "It grieves me so to even think upon such a thing but I must! I have to think upon my children." Tallis gave Erik a crooked smile. "I have to think upon my husband." Her shoulders began to shake as her sobs began again. "I have to think upon what I leave behind me. I have … I have to think upon the love that I leave … I have …" Tallis suddenly found herself caught up in two strong arms, a hand going to her neck, gentle pressure making her head find a familiar comfort in the crook of a neck, the words she longed to hear being spoken from a long distance away.

"I shall strive to be Erik again," the voice told her. "I shall strive to be a husband and father again. I shall share in your fears, making them our fears. I shall again be the man worthy of your love." The voice grew softer as a head turned to whisper in Tallis' ear. "And I shall love in return."

The summer sun of the next day peaked in through the windows of the cottage, witnessing the long process of a marriage being rebuilt. Tallis was physically and emotionally drained from the previous night's conversation, grateful for the quiet of her sons sleeping in a bit longer than usual. She awoke to an empty bed and the smell of freshly brewed tea wafting through the cottage. Tallis was sitting up just as Erik came through the bedroom door, a full breakfast tray in his hands.

"I thought you would appreciate sleeping a bit later this morning," he said simply and placed the tray on the bedside table, looking for all the world like a child seeking the approval of a parent.

"Thank you," Tallis told him, seeking and finding a kiss that was hesitant and unsure. "I do love you," she reminded Erik as he turned to walk from the room.

"I know," he replied softly, turning to look back for a brief moment before leaving his wife to enjoy her meal in peace.

Tallis glanced at the mantle clock and ate quickly, dressing just as quickly. There was much to be done at Trevinny before she could spend the day with her children. A smile crossed Tallis' face as she slipped hair combs into the long braid wrapped at the base of her neck – perhaps Erik would spend the day with her and Gabriel and Michael and not be hesitant and afraid. Perhaps this day would once again find him to be the strong, protective and loving father that Tallis knew and loved. Perhaps this day would find a memory created that would outshine all others. Tallis hummed merrily as she left the bedroom she shared with Erik.

"Where are the children?" Tallis wondered as she entered the huge living area.

"They have been playing quietly in their room this morning," Erik told her.

A knock at the door interrupted anything Tallis might have said. She turned and walked to answer it, a smile appearing at the sight of her cousin, Moira, standing in the doorway. "Good morning," Tallis said as she accepted a quick kiss before stepping aside to let Moira enter.

"Good morning to you, as well," Moira said with a nod and then nodded toward Erik who stood in the door to the kitchen. "Erik," she acknowledged before turning back to Tallis. "We were a wee bit concerned when you did not come to the house at your usual time. I said I would come to look in and make sure that everything was well with you."

"She was just having a late morning," Erik grumbled from where he stood.

"Every now and then, my husband decides to pamper me," Tallis added with a smile at her cousin who was staring skeptically at Erik. "Now I would like the two of you to hold a civil conversation for a moment while I go get the boys." Tallis smiled at Moira and turned a meaningful glance to Erik before disappearing down the hallway to the bedroom her children shared.

"Mama!" Michael exclaimed as the door opened.

"Good morning, my darling!" Tallis said as she entered the room and kissed Michael. A look of puzzlement crossed her face as Tallis looked about the bedroom her sons shared. Michael sat on the edge of his bed, little legs swinging back and forth, banging against the wooden frame. Her glance quickly turned to the empty bed on the other side of the room. "Where is your brother?" Tallis asked as she turned back to her toddler. "Where is Gabriel?"

"Go bye-bye," Michael told his mother, a proud smile crossing his face as he remembered what Gabriel had told him.

Tallis could feel the world dropping out from beneath her. "What?" she asked.

"Go bye-bye," Michael repeated. "Go get new home."

The room spun about Tallis. "Erik!" she screamed.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Story to This Point:** Erik and Tallis have been married for nearly seven years. They still live in the cottage on Trevinny's estate grounds but now their home is shared with their sons – five year old Gabriel and Michael who is almost three. It is hinted that Tallis has not had an easy time birthing either of her children. Now with the birth of another child looming on the horizon, Tallis must deal with the fears of a husband who is slowly turning back into the brooding "Phantom". And Erik's actions have sent his oldest son, Gabriel, running away.

**Chapter Summary:** Gabriel disappears from home as he tries to find a safe, loving place for his mother, Michael and the new baby. Tallis gives in to the fears that grip her as she discovers her son missing. She sends Erik after Gabriel but not before giving her husband a warning. And Erik finds Gabriel on the moors, near a deadly drop-off.

_**Author's Note:** Sorry about the lack of updates but icky Real Life happenings and broken bones became rather distracting. Then The Muse/Attorney took a long vacation without any warning. She has finally come back and I believe we have now "kissed and made-up" … _(-:

CHAPTER FIVE

He had only wanted a glass of water.

The night had been warm, the late spring breezes blowing in from the ocean little comfort. A nightmare about flames and screaming had sent him tossing and turning only to become wrapped up in his bedding. Eyes the color of a storm-tossed winter sky opened quickly as he fought his way through the flames. He had been about to call for his mother when he realized it was only a dream and the flames that held him so tightly were but a tangle of sheets and blankets. A grimace crossed his face as he kicked at the offending linens, working his way free, one last swift kick sending the bedding tumbling to the floor. He sat up and turned his head to look at the other bed in the room, a smile quickly gracing his face as he noted that his younger brother still slept soundly. The smile just as quickly disappearing as he noted the thumb firmly ensconsed in his little brother's mouth.

"Baby," he muttered.

He slipped easily from his bed and moved quietly across the small room, cautiously opening the door and walking into the still darkness of the cottage his family called home. As he moved through the shadowed rooms, sharp eyes caught stray movements along dark walls, causing him to catch his breath each time he saw them. He knew they were only the monsters his mind created from dreams and wishes - his father had taught him that and he thought his father was the smartest man to ever walk upon the Earth. Suddenly a small light split the darkness before him and he smiled once again. That was a light from his parents' room – they were still up! His father would get him a drink of water and his mother would tuck him in and kiss away that stupid dream. He reached the partially open door and raised his hand to push it open the rest of the way when he heard voices that caused him to pause.

"_I never wanted children!" Erik shouted at Tallis. "I only wanted you!"  
_

Gray eyes grew wide as they heard the shouted exclamation that came from his father's lips. The hand that was raised to push open the door fell back to his side and he turned on his heel, quickly running through the darkened cottage, demons no longer able to kept at bay nipping at his heels. He burst through the door to the sanctuary of his bedroom, ready to slam the door, the sound of rustling bedclothes from behind him, stopping the angry, emotional outburst. Remembering and not wishing to disturb his sleeping brother, small hands gently pushed the door shut and he quietly returned to his bed, climbing up to settle uneasily on the mattress. He did not bother to collect the bedding that he had previously kicked to the floor; instead he rolled over on his stomach and pounded his feet angrily up and down on the mattress.

Finally the shock that had caused him to flee back to the safety of the room he shared with his brother began to flee, leaving only the anger in its wake. His lip stuck out in a pout and began to tremble as hot tears he could not stop trickled down his cheeks. He had known it. He did not want to believe it but he had known it. His father did not want him or his brother or the new baby. He did not love any of them anymore. Maybe he had never loved them at all. But he knew that his mother loved all of them and he loved her more than anything else in the whole world. Now he would need to protect his mother and his brother and the new baby from his father. He was determined to stay awake all night so that he might come up with the just the right plan to protect the ones that he loved. Yet sleep would not be forsworn nor would the imagination of a five-year old and lids finally closed over the gateway to a troubled soul.

He had awoken from a troubled sleep as the first rays of dawn crept beneath the shuttered bedroom windows. He had risen quickly and as he had begun to slip into clothes, he had heard a voice calling to him.

"Gabriel?" the sleepy voice had asked.

Gabriel slipped on his boots before turning around to face his younger brother. He walked over to the bed where Michael was sitting, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and took Michael's hands in his own. "Can you do something for me?" Gabriel wondered.

Michael nodded around a big yawn.

"I need you to tell Mama something for me," Gabriel said.

Michael nodded his little head, dark curls tumbling every which way.

"I want you to tell Mama that I went away to find us a new place to live."

Michael began to nod again before a puzzled look crossed his face. "Why?"

"Because I have to protect you and Mama and the new baby," Gabriel said.

"What about Papa?" Michael wondered.

Gabriel's face scrunched into a tight frown, lips pursed angrily. "Papa can stay here with his music," he declared. "It will be just you and me and Mama and the new baby." The frown disappeared. "Can you tell Mama that for me?"

"I wanna go!" Michael said, a pout beginning to form.

Gabriel shook his head. "No, I need you to stay here and protect Mama and the new baby until I come back for you." Gabriel thought quickly, a silver flicker momentarily lighting stormy gray eyes. "I need you to be the knight who protects Mama from all the evil dragons."

Michael's pout quickly disappeared; he had a great fondness for stories involving knights and dragons. "I protect Mama!" he replied with a smile.

"Good." Gabriel heaved a sigh of relief. "Let me help you get dressed and you play in here until Mama comes for you."

Michael nodded happily, a huge smile on his face.

Now Gabriel was walking a familiar pathway across the moors that extended as far as the eye could see. Max, one of the two dogs the family kept, trotted happily at his young master's side a watchful eye kept on the child next to him.

"I hate Papa," Gabriel grumbled and kicked out a stone, sending it skittering across the wind-swept land.

Max nudged at Gabriel with a wet nose and barked.

Gabriel stopped in his tracks and sighed as he wrapped arms about Max's neck. "I am so glad you wanted to come with me," he whispered into the soft black fur of the dog's neck, laughing as Max's tongue began to lave the crook of his neck. Gabriel drew back and frowned as he looked into Max's brown eyes. "I still hate Papa, though." Now with a happy Max at his side, Gabriel continued to walk further and further from the safety of his home completely unaware of the uproar his disappearance had caused at home. Yet even as Gabriel continued his quest to find a new home for his mother and siblings, Erik was facing that uproar.

"Do not touch me!" Tallis screamed at her husband as Erik reached out for his terrified wife, trying to offer what comfort he could.

Erik backed up two steps in stunned response to the woman before him; he had seen Tallis angry before but never like this. Even in his most fevered and delusional moments, Erik had never been this angry and his wife's behavior shocked him. "What is it you wish me to do?" he wondered.

Tallis held her ground, arms folded about her chest. "Moira," she addressed the woman standing next to her without turning her head. "Will you please take Michael up to the main house? Have John organize a search…" Her words were cut off by Erik.

"I will find my son!" he said softly, emotions rippling beneath the gentle tone of voice.

Tallis pointedly ignored him, even as she stared deep into his eyes. "Have John organize a search party. I know there will be many _good_," she emphasized the word, "folk who will wish to find my child."

Moira nodded, her eyes flitting fearfully between her cousin and her cousin's husband. "I shan't be gone long," she said as she took Michael's hand. "Come along, my lad," Moira addressed her young cousin. "Let us take a walk up to the big house, shall we?"

"Walk!" Michael chortled happily as he took the offered hand and walked out of the huge cottage kitchen, blissfully unaware of the tempest he was leaving in his wake.

Tallis turned her head to watch as her cousin led her child from the room, a tremulous smile forming over her lips, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes – Michael looked so much like the child that was missing from her arms.

"Tallis?" a voice called to her, a hand lightly touching her arm.

Tallis jerked away at that touch, her head swinging back to glare at her husband. "I told you not to touch me!" she shouted. "Do not ever touch me again!"

Erik's face grew red with anger, his eyes beginning to glow dangerously. "I have done nothing, Madame!" he hissed.

"And you continue to do nothing!" Tallis continued to shout – it was the only way she could react without exploding into an ocean full of broken pieces.

Erik drew a deep breath. "I wanted to assure myself that you were well before I…"

Tallis finally unwrapped her arms from about her chest as she walked toward her husband. Tiny hands began to push against Erik, shoving him backward. "Before you what!" Tallis shouted. "Before you what?" She continued to shove at him. "Before you found another woman to make more children you do not want?" Another shove. "Before you found the fastest way back to France and Christine's arms?" Another shove. "Before you hate my other children enough to send them to their deaths?" Another shove as Tallis completely surrendered to her hysterics. "You murdered my child!"

"Enough!" Erik bellowed as he grabbed his wife's flailing hands. He let out a scream as the sharp tip of Tallis' shoe connected with his shin.

"It is not enough!" Tallis shrieked as she wrenched her hands from her husband's grip. "I have never been enough for you!" Her hands no longer shoved but waved about, hitting every part of her husband that they could reach. "The children were never enough for you!" She reached up to slap Erik's face. "I hate you!" Tallis' hand would never connect with Erik's cheek.

"Stop it!" Erik commanded his voice full of a strange resonance that echoed off the walls of the cottage. He grabbed his wife by the shoulders, forcing her to still as he stared deep into her eyes. "Just stop it," Erik said more softly.

Tallis was silent for a moment. "I want … I want …" She choked and the tears begin to spill down her cheeks. "I just want my child back." She let out a shriek that would have brought a banshee to its knees. "I want my baby back!"

Erik drew his wife into his embrace and held her for a moment, feeling her whole body shake like a tree tossed about in a storm. A stray thought passed through his mind that – unlike the sturdy trees that hugged the coastline – Tallis was capable of being broken by this storm. It was something that Erik refused to contemplate and would not permit to happen. "I will find him," he said softly as he pulled back from the embrace. Erik was startled to see the hard glint of ice in his wife's gray eyes.

"You had best find him," Tallis said softly as she searched her husband's face. "You find Gabriel and you bring him home." Her jaw clenched. "Alive," she hissed the word out, "or you do not bother to come home at all."

Erik drew back, stunned at the strange woman standing before him.

Tallis choked back a sob. "I mean it, Erik!" she warned him. "You come back here with a living, breathing Gabriel in your arms or you do not come back at all." The normally soft, gentle features of Tallis' face grew hard and cold. "And God help you if my child is injured or dead," she told Erik as she finally voiced her fears, "for you will return him to me and you can just keep on going because you will never set foot in this house again." She grew silent, breathing deeply for a moment.

Erik took advantage of the pause. "Tallis …" he tried.

"No!" Tallis shouted at him. "I mean it! I want my son back in my arms! I want him whole and healthy! I want him breathing! And I want him smiling!" The muscles at the edge of Tallis' jaw clenched and unclenched. "If you cannot do that I never want to see you again!" She stared at her husband before turning her back. "Go!" she ordered.

Erik tried to reach for his wife but thought better of it and took back his hand. "I love you," he said softly.

"I do not care!" Tallis shot back, refusing to turn her head. "I want my child!"

Even though his world was shattering about him, Erik gathered up the remains of his dignity about him. "I will bring Gabriel back to you," he stated, willfully pushing down his own anger and fears, as he swept from the room.

Tallis' eyes closed as she heard the slam of the kitchen door. She began to sway back and forth, her knees suddenly unable to bear her own weight and Tallis collapsed into the nearest kitchen chair. Her chin trembled violently and the tears would not stop. "Gabriel," she cried as she stared down at empty hands. "Gabriel," she whispered through her sobs. "Please, God, my baby," Tallis tried to pray as haunting images of her son lying dead on the moors or at the base of the sea cliffs played across her mind's eye. Suddenly both hands reached for the child she carried, a low moan escaping from her lips and Tallis raised her eyes to the ceiling. "Just take them all, then!" she yelled. "I cannot bear this life any longer!"

"Mama?" a small voice whispered.

Tallis suddenly found herself staring Michael's innocent face. Her own eyes stared up at her, full of worry and compassion that a child not even three years of age should know. "No cry, Mama," Michael said as he rested his head against her swollen belly. "Gabriel make it all better."

But Gabriel was having a difficult time making it all better.

He had been wandering about the moors since the sun had barely made its presence known over the eastern horizon. He had walked and walked and walked, always heading deeper into the wind-swept land. Wise beyond his years, Gabriel knew enough to always stay on the trail that wound its seemingly haphazard way past peat bogs and stony drop-offs. Gabriel had specifically followed the path, remembering the tale his cousin would tell about pirates and smugglers who used the dangerous landscape of the moors to evade the constables. Gabriel hoped to do the same thing – find a special spot where his father would never be able to find him and he could be happy with his family. His steps along that path had eventually led him into parts of the moor that he had never visited. He would pause every so often and look about, trying to find a secret hideout that the smugglers had used, hoping he would find one to be the new house for his mother, brother and the new baby. Gabriel would sigh and small fingers would grip tightly to the fur about his dog's neck.

"Still nothing, Max," Gabriel would sigh as Max nudged him gently, the wet nose a strange comfort in the barren land.

As the sun rose ever higher and higher, Gabriel began to feel the first pangs of hunger. He stopped to look in the small packet he had managed to sneak from his mother's kitchen. Gabriel turned the leather pouch upside down and a few crumbs from the rolls he had taken and eaten earlier fell out, only to be blown away by a stray breeze. Gabriel sighed and stamped a small foot angrily. He dropped the empty leather pouch on the ground and followed it. Gabriel settled on the cool grass of the moor, drawing knees up to his chest and wrapping arms about them. He wanted to cry but he would not for then his father would only say he was a baby.

"And I am not a baby," Gabriel said as a single hand to reached to brush away the tears he would not cry.

Max, sitting in front of Gabriel, cocked his head to one side.

"I am not baby, Max," Gabriel insisted.

Max barked and bumped his nose against Gabriel's own.

"Michael is the baby," Gabriel said as a single hand reached up to rub Max's snout. "I am a big boy and I need to take care of Mama." Gabriel was silent for a moment as he looked strangely at Max, his gaze fading out of focus. "I need to take care of Mama," he whispered in a strange resonant tone that caused Max to growl softly. Gabriel quickly rose to his feet. "I need to take care of Mama, Max!" he said in a loud voice that carried across the bleak moorland. A determined, grim look passed over Gabriel's face as he wrapped his arms about Max's neck. "Let's go home."

Home – as well as Gabriel – was on the mind of the man who had sired the impetuous child. Erik felt his blood pressure rise with each step he took as he raced across the moors, fear – in the form of cold breezes – nipping at his heels. He could hear the sound of other voices calling for his child, men from the estate and the nearby town quickly volunteering to help find the missing Gabriel. Erik would pause momentarily as he heard another voice call out in the distance, hoping against hope to hear the familiar sound of his son's voice calling back. When no answer came, Erik would start running again. He was not sure what drove him, why he followed the path that he did – the path that led far deeper into the moors than he had ever taken his sons and their dogs. Erik was led by something he could not name - he was not sure if it was the anger of the Phantom or the fear of the father that guided him.

Or the broken sounds of his wife as she cried out her fear, screamed her hatred as she held out empty arms.

The sounds that had come from Tallis were sounds that Erik had never hoped to hear again. They were the sounds that Christine made as she had pleaded with him that night to let Raoul go. They were the sounds of desperation and a fear that could drown a person's soul. They were the sounds of a heart being broken. They were the sounds of a life without hope, a world without a future. And they were the sounds that he had brought to the one person in the world who had loved him without question.

"No," Erik whispered into the warm spring air, pausing to catch his breath and listen to the world about him. The still moment allowed Erik's history to catch him up. "There are others who love me unconditionally," he said in a stronger voice, closing his eyes, images of two small boys with their mother's dancing eyes playing across the lids. Erik clutched at his heart as a sharp, sudden pain wound about his chest, drawing the very life from his body. "What have I done?" he asked as he opened his eyes, raising them to the heavens. "What have I done?" he asked again, once again receiving no answer. "Damn you!" Erik screamed at a God in which he had never believed. "Answer me!" Still the only sounds heard were the different voices calling out his son's name, almost as if the angels had come down to dance about him, out of his reach, tormenting him with each syllable they sung out. "If not for me," Erik pleaded, trying a different tact, "then for Tallis." He still held to his chest. "Do not do this to her." He ground his teeth together. "Punish me, I no longer care but not Tallis and not her children." Erik drew a deep breath and called out in a voice that had terrified all of Paris: "Gabriel!"

Erik's cry carried across the moors, startling small animals from their hiding places, raising the hackles of the moor ponies. His angry, anguished cry sent birds aloft, their own distressed calls adding to the urgency of those who remained on the ground. Erik's cry even caused those who searched for Gabriel to pause in their tracks, right hands quickly making the Sign of The Cross as protection against the cry that seemed to be born from the very depths of Hell. Each man searching knew the desperation of a parent whose child was missing in the barren expanse of moor and they knew the fear that gripped that parent so tightly. Yet the cry of the child's name that echoed over the land was more than that of a mere parent – it was darker than midnight, more terrifying than the call of the ghost dogs who roamed the moor. It was the sound of a soul being wrenched from an unwilling body.

And Gabriel heard the call from where he sat on his "thinking stone" that overlooked a deadly drop-off and chose to ignore it. He knew Max had heard it as well, for the dog whined and nudged at his back. "No, Max," Gabriel said. "I am not gonna answer Papa." Gabriel knew it was his father for he had heard that resonant tone when Erik had told him stories about the grand operas that were performed in Paris. Gabriel – and Michael – had loved to hear their father use different voices for different characters, Erik's voice – at times – bouncing off the walls of the cottage with an emotional intensity.

Gabriel also heard the other voices, the other calls and he raised his head to look at the sun that was now beginning to drift lower in the sky. The shadows of bent trees were beginning to grow longer and more rustling could be heard in the sparse undergrowth as wild creatures began to awake, preparing to stalk the twilight landscape. Gabriel knew that the morning had passed into noon and that mid-day was now quickly fading into twilight; he had learned such things at the farm his cousins owned. He also knew that it would not be safe to be on the moor when night fell and the fog crept over the land; there were monsters and ghosts that haunted this place.

"Which is more scary, Max?" Gabriel asked the dog who had walked around and plopped down in front of him, placing his head on Gabriel's lap. "Papa or the moor?"

Max said nothing but rubbed a cold nose against a small hand.

"But I still have to protect Mama," Gabriel reminded himself. He looked down as his stomach grumbled. "And I am hungry." Gabriel sat silently for a moment, staring out over the moor that spread before him. Finally he turned his attention to the dog that was looking at him with such curious intensity. "We have to go home, Max," he stated and frowned. "Mama and Michael and the new baby need us." Gabriel rose to his feet, standing still for a moment as he listened to the voices calling his name. He could still hear his father's desperate call ringing in his ears but turned to a voice calling out to him from the west. Gabriel did not recognize the voice but it was not his father's and that was all that mattered; a decision was made. "Let's go, Max," Gabriel said as he began to walk toward that voice.

"Gabriel!" a voice called, causing the young child to pause in his tracks.

Max barked happily, his tail rapidly fanning the air.

Gabriel turned to the sound of that familiar voice and stopped. His father stood some distance from him, gray hair tousled, a hand clutched to his chest and a look upon Erik's face that Gabriel had never before seen.

"Gabriel!" Erik called again, his tone of voice gentler, more relieved.

"Go away!" Gabriel yelled at his father, taking one step backward.

Erik saw where his son stood and the desperate panic returned. "Do not move!"

"Go away!" Gabriel demanded, his little face angry and hurt. "You do not want me! You do not want any of us! I heard you tell Mama!"

Erik stopped in his tracks, his mind racing, a clear memory fighting its way through a frightened haze. Erik wanted to smack himself – the conversation the night before with Tallis. "Gabriel," Erik continued in a calm tone that belied the hysterics that made him want to crawl out of his skin. "I …"

"Go away!" Gabriel repeated. "You do not love me!"

"But I do!" Erik replied. "I love you and your brother and the new baby and your mother more than you will ever know!"

"You are lying!" Gabriel said and took another step backward.

Erik chanced two steps forward. "I am not lying," he tried again. "I love you."

"I hate you!" Gabriel said and turned around, running away from his father.

And disappearing over the edge of the drop-off.

"Gabriel!" Erik screamed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Summary:** Tallis is comforted by Michael and confronted by her cousin, Moira, as she begins to succumb to her fears. Moira makes an astute observation. And Erik and Gabriel meet at a deadly drop-off …

_**Author's Notes:** Once again, Real Life Icky Bits have been interfering with my fun. But I have a three month reprieve and that means I get to play again! Thanks for the patience with a distracted author. The next update will be rather soon!_

CHAPTER SIX

"Mama! Mama! Mama!" Michael called from where he sat upon the floor.

Tallis continued to pace back and forth across the living area of the cottage she had turned into a home for the family she loved. She did not hear the whispers of the people gathered about her in support. She only heard cries for help from the missing piece of her heart. Tallis did not see the furtive, worried looks that were sent her way from beneath lowered eyelids. She only saw broken images of a small child whose gray eyes no longer sparkled like the evening stars. Tallis found herself lost in a world where no senses existed, a world where time and life, itself, had ceased to be. There was only the cold numbness that came on the heels of fear and dread yet in that nothingness a small voice kept calling to her.

"Mama! Mama! Mama!" the voice insisted as something tapped gently on her leg.

Tallis finally stopped her pacing and looked down to see Michael looking up at her, a happy look on his face. She took a deep breath and managed a wavering smile. "What is it, Michael?" Tallis asked in what she hoped was a patient tone as she fought down the urge to scream.

Michael took his mother's hand. "Come see!" he insisted as he pulled his mother's hand.

Tallis found she had no other option but to follow Michael as he pulled her to the other side of the room. Tallis bit her bottom lip as they stopped in front of the blanket upon which Michael had been playing. She felt Michael let go of her hand as he got down on his knees and pointed happily to the house that had been created out of his building blocks.

"See, Mama," Michael said as he smiled at his creation, "new house." He picked up a little wooden soldier and held it up for Tallis to see. "Gabriel," he told her and picked up another soldier. "Me," Michael said as he put the soldier down and pointed inside the block structure. "We live here." Michael tugged on the hem of Tallis' skirt causing her to bend over; he pointed at two wooden figures covered by a blanket. "Mama and baby," he said delightedly and turned to wrap his arms about his mother's legs. "Gabriel make all better."

Tallis' chin trembled but she kept her composure. "I am sure he will," she said as she kissed her hand and rested it briefly atop Michael's curls. "You stay here and keep building Gabriel's house," she finished, pausing for a moment to watch her child at play before turning on her heel and walking quickly from the room; she needed to be away from there before she lost herself in a raging maelstrom of terror.

She walked through the kitchen and out into the back courtyard, glancing momentarily at the pen where the dogs were kept. A tiny glimmer of hope quickly sprung to life in her soul as Tallis noted that Max was gone – perhaps Gabriel had taken the dog with him. The tiny glimmer died just as quickly as it had sprung forth as darkness and fear renewed their hold on Tallis' soul. She ignored Bear as he rose to his feet and stuck his nose through the fencing - hoping for a quick pat - and moved into the small building that was used for storage. Tallis walked to the middle of the building and stopped, placing her hands over her mouth before screaming into them. She screamed until her throat hurt and then she screamed until she had no screams left, leaving only tears that would not fall.

"Tallis?" another voice from the darkness wondered.

"I want to crawl out of my skin," Tallis replied softly, recognizing the voice. "It has barely been half a day and I all ready wish to crawl out of my skin." She turned to see her cousin Moira in the door. "What will I do if something terrible has happened to Gabriel? What will I do if my baby does not come home? I do not think I shall be able to go on." Tallis shook her head slowly, casting her eyes downward. "What shall I do if Erik does not come home?" There was a moment of silence. "What have I done?" Tallis finally asked into the stillness, keeping her eyes down, not seeing Moira slowly close the door and walk to her side.

"Come and sit," Moira bade her cousin as she nodded toward two barrels beneath a shuttered window.

Tallis allowed Moira to guide her over to the barrels where she sat down, staring across the darkened expanse of the storage barn. She sat quietly, allowing her cousin to clasp a cold hand between Moira's own warm ones.

"Is that better?" Moira asked.

"Yes," Tallis replied with a slight nod. "Just having you near is a comfort." She squeezed the hands that held to her own, feeling the return squeeze. It was a loving gesture that brought a small comfort to a troubled heart. It was a comfort that would not last long.

"Good." Moira nodded and then asked, "What is wrong with you?"

Tallis grabbed her hand back, staring at her cousin in pained wonderment. "Pardon?"

Moira fixed Tallis with a steady gaze. "What are you doing in here?" She pointed toward the house beyond the barn. "You should be in there with Michael!"

"How dare you!" Tallis hissed softly. "How dare you tell me what I should be doing!" She rose to her feet. "You have no idea what I am feeling at the moment!" Tallis sniffed back the tears gathering at the corner of her eyes. "My son is out there," her arm flung outward toward the door. "God alone knows where - and I have no idea what has become of him! I do not even know if Gabriel is alive or dead!" Tallis clasped her teeth together. "And I told my husband not to come home without our child. You do not know Erik." She shook her head. "I will be lucky if either of them come home!" Tallis turned her head away to hide the anger and fear and the tears that would not now stop.

"Is that all you can think upon?" Moira asked.

Tallis' head whirled back. "How dare you!" she screamed. "How dare you? My husband and my child are gone!"

"And what of your other children?" Moira slowly rose to her feet. "What of the child who plays inside your home who believes his older brother can fix everything and only wishes to see his mother smile?" She reached out a gentle hand to rest over Tallis' swollen middle. "And what of this child for whom you are fighting so desperately? Will you sacrifice both of them, their needs, to your fears?"

Tallis was horrified. "I cannot replace one child with another!"

"Nor am I asking you to do so," Moira replied calmly.

Tallis drew a deep breath. "Then what do you want from me?" she screamed at the top of her voice, taking a step backward, away from her cousin's reach.

Moira refused to retreat; she reached into the pocket of her skirt and drew forth a handkerchief, holding it out to Tallis. "I want you to take this and wipe your eyes and blow your nose." Moira cocked her head slightly to one side, a small smile passing quickly over her lips. "And I do not wish you to return it." The handkerchief remained – untouched – between them. "Then I want you to come back in the house with me," Moira continued. "Michael may only be a small child but he is beginning to sense that something is wrong. You need to smile at him and reassure him that Gabriel is not in any trouble." Moira shook her head. "Mama needs to tell him that Gabriel is not in any trouble because of something that Michael did."

"Michael," the name slipped softly from between Tallis' lips as a tentative hand reached for the handkerchief.

"And you must have a care for your new child." Moira crossed her arms over her chest. "Or have you forgotten this babe already?"

"I have not forgotten anything!" Tallis spat as she flung the handkerchief at Moira. "And I will thank you to leave me alone!" She finished, voice upraised, before turning on her heel and walking to the barn's door, slamming it open. Tallis paused for a moment, turning to look over her shoulder, giving a last parting shot. "You are not my mother and I can take care of my own family!"

"That is what I thought," Moira said to the now empty barn, a knowing smile and nod punctuating her soft words as she bent to pick up the discarded and lonely handkerchief. "But, perhaps, a mother is what you need at the moment."

Yet it was neither a smile nor nod that punctuated the scream that escaped Erik's lips – it was a look of panicked terror that was seldom seen upon the face of the man once known as The Phantom. "Gabriel!" Erik screamed as he watched his small son run from him and right over the edge of one of the moor's many steep drop-offs.

Uncertainty gripped Erik's soul and for a brief moment he did know what to do. It was an unnerving moment for a man who prided himself on his ability to control and manipulate every aspect of his life. But since the very moment he had been introduced to the impertinent girl hired as Madame Giry's companion, Erik had seen that control slowly slip through his fingers. It had slipped away even as his son had slipped unknowingly over the edge of the drop-off. Now Erik stood where he was, a hand reaching out to someone no longer there, hesitating, frightened. And suddenly that fear awakened within him a deep primal urge that he could not name. It was a sensation he had never before experienced and it drove him forward.

"Gabriel!" Erik called again as he ran to the edge of that drop-off - falling to knees, head dropping downward, eyes nearly closed - afraid of what might be seen. He could not have borne it to see his child's body smashed upon the sharp rocks or a single hand reaching out of the soupy quicksand. A million frightening images passed over his eyelids in the space of a single heartbeat, each one more terrifying than the last. Each image mocked him, laughed at his dreams that he could live life as normal man. Each image killed his future. Each image took the world and moved it further and further from his reach. Each image took a piece of his heart and soul, scattering them into an emotional void.

"Papa!" a small, scared voice called back.

Max, sitting next to Erik, stuck his head over the edge and barked loudly.

"Gabriel!" Erik's eyes fully opened. "Oh God," he breathed as he took in the sight below him. "Do not move!"

Long ago trees had striven to take hold on the harsh landscape of the moors. Branches had reached for the warm sun overhead, trunks pushing them upward as roots reached into uncertain soil. Yet the trees had been no match for Nature and many had succumbed to fierce cold winters, the harsh winds that swept in from the ocean. They bowed in homage and surrender to forces controlled by a fickle universe. Many had broken under those forces, leaving only scraggly roots poking out from beneath the earth as silent testament to their brief existence. It was upon one of those roots that Gabriel had fallen as he plummeted over the edge of the drop-off. The slight child landing on his stomach as thin, rough arms reached up to grab him, to save him from the pointy teeth of death that waited below.

Gabriel braved turning his head to look up to his father, his eyes going wide as the root upon which he rested moved in protest. "Papa!" he called again, his head turning back to look down at the rocks directly beneath his precarious perch.

Max barked more urgently.

"I told you not to move!" Erik ordered, his voice resonating across the vast expanse of the moor. He could see what his son could not – the sandy soil of the exposed face of the drop-off slowly falling away from around the branch holding Gabriel back from the hands of Death. Each tiny movement of his son's body in turn moved the branch, loosening the soil, pointing the branch further downward … pointing Gabriel further downward.

Erik leaned back on his heels, hands reaching up to ruffle through his hair as he struggled with his options. He could slide over the edge, hoping to grab his son and hoping to avoid the rocks and the quicksand at the bottom. He could trust that an unseen God he did not believe in would keep his son safe while he went for help. For a brief moment, Erik thought he could do nothing and keep walking across the moor and no one would ever be the wiser. "No!" Erik screamed at the stray thought running through his mind. "I am not that creature any longer!" Other words also raced through his mind:

"You find Gabriel and you bring him home." Her jaw clenched. "Alive," Tallis hissed the word out, "or you do not bother to come home at all."

"If not for me, then for her," Erik breathed as once again he bargained with the God he was sure still laughed at him.

"Help me!" A child's scream shattered the stillness.

Max continued to bark.

"Quiet!" Erik ordered the dog as his mind was made up. He moved his hands down toward the ground, moving his body forward as he prepared to slide over the edge of the drop-off, ready to grab Gabriel as they both headed downward, hoping to use his body to cushion the fall and save his son's life. As his right hand passed over the outer edge of his cloak, it moved over a familiar shape and Erik groaned out loud.

"Gabriel," Erik called to his son as his hands began to undo the lasso he had grabbed from its usual place on the door of the storage barn. "Do not move!" he warned as he saw a large chunk of soil fall away from the root upon which his son rested. "I just want you to listen to me."

"Yes," Gabriel's shaky voice replied.

"I am going to lower a rope to you," Erik began as he stood up. "When you see the rope, I want you to grab onto it with both hands." He turned around to find a place to anchor the rope and decided on the boulder just behind him. "Than I shall pull you up." Erik quickly knotted the rope about the boulder and pulled tightly, assured that both the rock and the rope were stable, he moved back to the edge of the drop-off, hands already beginning to lower the rope to his child.

The root shook beneath Gabriel's weight, sending more soil downward, sending Gabriel sliding further toward the root's narrow end.

"I can't!" Gabriel called back as he tightened his grip on his tenuous perch.

Erik knew he was running out of time and fought back the urge to let go of the rope and fly over the edge to rescue his child. He planted his feet firmly and continued to watch the direction of the rope he lowered. "Yes, you can," he replied calmly.

"If I let go, I am going to fall!"

"_If you do not let go, you are going to fall,"_ Erik wanted to say as he struggled to find a way to calm both his child and himself. "Gabriel, you must listen to me," Erik said, using a voice that had often calmed Christine after one of his many outbursts; he hoped it would have the same effect on the little boy who was so much like him. "Think of yourself as a fish." Erik would have laughed at the words that slipped from his lips had the situation not been so dire. "You want the worm. When the worm dances before your face, you are going to let go of your part of the ocean and grab the worm."

Erik looked down to see the rope dangling just inches from the top of Gabriel's head. He drew a deep breath and lowered the rope a bit more, hands steady and sure, the rope at the end of those hands just as steady. "Look, Gabriel," he began, "the rope is just before you." He watched as Gabriel's head raised a fraction of an inch.

"I see it," Gabriel called back.

"Good," Erik nodded. "I want you to reach out and grab onto it and slip it about your shoulders."

"I can't! You'll drop me!"

"I shall never drop you!" Erik replied from between clenched teeth.

"You hate me! You don't want me! I know you'll drop me!"

Erik fought down his rising temper. "I want to take you home to your mother," he told his son. "And if you do not grab onto the rope, I shall not be able to do so."

"Mama!" came the plaintive wail.

"Dear God in Heaven, Gabriel!" Erik's patience had run thin. "Just take the damn rope!" he yelled.

It seemed like forever to Erik as he watched his son eye the rope before him while more and more soil loosened from around the root, snowballing down to the rocks below. Erik was not sure he breathed as he waited with growing impatience while Gabriel fought back his fear, finding the courage to reach out for the safety before his eyes. Erik's own fear grew with each heartbeat as he continued to wait and watch. Finally, Erik felt his heart begin to beat again as Gabriel slowly let go of the branch and with one hand grabbed the rope.

"Slip it over your head and beneath your shoulders," Erik instructed.

"Just pull me up!" Gabriel countered.

"Do as I say!" Erik ordered in a voice that echoed with emotion.

Gabriel turned his head to look up at his father. "I can't!"

The sight of his son's little face streaked red from tears, the scarring along his temple bright red from the heightened blood flow brought about by strong emotion, nearly broke Erik's heart. The thought that he was responsible for his son's terror and anger did break Erik's heart but it also strengthened his resolve to bring Gabriel home to his mother.

"I know you are frightened," Erik said slowly. "I am frightened, as well. But the best way for both of us to lose those fears is for you to grab the end of the rope." He watched as his son's face trembled, Gabriel struggling to fight back his tears. "The sooner you grab the rope, the sooner I can pull you up and the sooner you can be back with Mama and Michael and the new baby." Erik watched Gabriel's fingers slowly begin to loosen their grip on the rope. "Gabriel, no!"

"I can't!"

Erik closed his eyes for a brief moment, as he willed back his own tears. "Gabriel, please, take the rope and slip it about your shoulders." He gave his son a wavering smile. "I love you!" Erik stared at Gabriel. "Please!"

Gabriel looked at his father and turned his head to look at the rope before him. Slowly his other hand released its grip on the root and reached for the rope. The tears flowed freely down his cheeks as Gabriel took the rope in both hands and slipped it over his head. He did not know how his father struggled above him, fighting back the urge to tighten up on the lasso and pull the minute the rope was over Gabriel's head. Gabriel concentrated on carefully slipping the rope about his shoulders and did not see or sense what was happening about him until it was too late. His movements as he grabbed the rope and slipped it about his shoulders, loosened the last of the soil holding the root to the side of the drop-off.

Two terrified screams rang out – one young and high-pitched, one old and oddly primal – as the root supporting Gabriel fell away, clattering down the drop-off and breaking apart on the stones below.

"Papa!" Gabriel screamed as the root gave way and the rope about his shoulders suddenly pulled tight.

"Gabriel!" Erik screamed as his hands instinctively jerked on the rope, tightening the lasso. Hands tightened as Erik held on to the dead weight that threatened to throw him off balance, pulling him forward, sending both him and his son to certain destruction.

"Hold on, Gabriel!" Erik called out and gritted his teeth as he carefully released one hand from the rope. He could feel the rope begin to slip through his other hand and Erik grabbed the rope with his free hand and pulled hard.

"Papa!" Gabriel screamed in pain as the rope pinning his arms to his sides, dug in more deeply, his body swinging back and forth in the air.

"Hold on!" Erik yelled through clenched teeth before becoming still and concentrating on the task before him.

One hand released the rope and grabbed the slack, pulling back, urging the weight at the end of the rope upward. Erik carefully repeated the action, purposefully ignoring the cries of pain from his son. As the rope grew taut with each pull, Erik took a single step backward, bringing the rope with him, bringing Gabriel closer and closer the top of the drop-off.

Bringing Gabriel closer and closer to safety.

Finally, as Erik took yet another step backward, he could see Gabriel's dark curls begin to peek over the edge of the drop off. Erik sighed deeply and took a deep, cleansing breath and gripped the rope in his hands more tightly in preparation for one final pull. Erik could feel the pain in his shoulders radiating outward, across his chest and down his arms. He did not need to see the blood to know that the rough rope had sliced his fingers and palms. All he needed to know – all he needed to see – was Gabriel once again on solid ground. Erik took one last step backward and pulled on the rope with all his might, falling backward as he did so. The fall jarred his spine, causing black dots to float momentarily before his eyes and the rope to slip from his hands.

Somewhere in the distance he could not see, Max was once again barking with renewed enthusiasm. "Oh God!" Erik breathed as his vision cleared and he looked at his empty hands. "Oh God!" he repeated, fear tingling at every inch of his being.

"Papa?" a tentative voice asked.

"Gabriel!" Erik screamed as he jumped to his feet, running forward to grab the child who stood just beyond the edge of the drop-off. Not knowing if he laughed or cried, Erik whisked his son up into his arms, holding him tightly. " Gabriel, Gabriel," Erik whispered repeatedly.

"Ow!" Gabriel whined. "That hurts!"

"The rope," Erik acknowledged as he put his son down, away from the edge of the drop-off. Very carefully, he loosened the knot on the rope and lifted it over Gabriel's head, flinging the now useless object away. Erik reached for his son again, hurt when Gabriel took two steps away from him.

"I said it hurts," Gabriel reminded him. "My tummy hurts."

Erik finally had a chance to truly look at his son and his heart began to break as he took note of the scratches covering Gabriel's face and arms. The child's pants were torn in several places and he had managed to lose a shoe, showing a sock that now had holes in both heel and toe. But it was what Erik saw as Gabriel lifted up his shirt that completely broke his heart – Gabriel's chest and stomach were covered in deep scratches that bled tiny streams of red over skin that was already turning purple and black from bruising.

"Let me see that," Erik said as he approached his child.

"No," Gabriel said, his bottom lip sticking out, eyes flaring with cold fire.

"Now is not the time for your nonsense," Erik replied and took another step forward only to be confronted by Max.

The dog placed himself between Erik and Gabriel, growling softly as Erik continued to move toward his son. Each step that Erik took caused the hackles on Max's shoulders to rise up a bit further. Erik stopped to glare at the dog he had purchased as protection for his wife and children only to see the dog's lips curl back, exposing sharp teeth able to rend flesh with a single bite.

"Enough!" Erik bellowed as he stared at Max. Suddenly the dog prostrated himself at Erik's feet, head between his paws, tail wagging slightly. "Good dog," Erik said with an absent-minded pet to Max's head. He turned his attention to Gabriel. "Come here and let me see your stomach," he told the child as he went to sit on the boulder to which the other end of the rope was still tied. "Gabriel," Erik said as he held out a hand. "I am not going to make a game of this; you could be seriously hurt. You must let me see."

Gabriel stared at his father and looked at the dog that still rested by his feet. Max gave a soft snuffle and nudged his wet nose against Gabriel's legs. Gabriel raised his eyes to look at his father, heaved a great sigh and walked over to Erik, his shoulders slumped in defeat.

Erik ripped part of his shirt away and used it to wipe gently at the blood on his son's chest and stomach. His eyes drifted from surveying the injuries to the gray eyes that would not meet his own. "Does that hurt?" Erik wondered as he probed gently at Gabriel's abdomen. Gabriel muttered something inaudible. "Pardon?"

"Just a little bit," Gabriel said, finally lifting his eyes to his father. "I am a big boy and I can take care of myself."

"I see that." Erik drew his hands back, folding them in his lap. "You did a very good job of taking care of yourself today."

"And I can take care of Mama and Michael and the new baby, too!" Gabriel insisted, his angry sniffle punctuating his words in the poignant way of which only a child was capable.

"Gabriel …" Erik began.

"You don't love us!" Gabriel interrupted in a loud voice that held eerie echoes of his father's. "I heard you!" Gabriel's lone remaining shoe kicked out at his father. "You told Mama you don't want us!" And Gabriel grew still. "It's because we don't look like Mama," he said softly and finished as he reached for the scarring along his temple, "it's because we aren't pretty."

A potent silence hung between father and son as the honest words of a child drove a knife through Erik's heart.

Erik drew several deep breaths before he was able to answer his son. "That … that …" He drew several more breaths. "That is not the reason." He closed his eyes and shook his head in pain before opening them again to see Gabriel staring at him warily. "I do love you and Michael more than you will ever know and what you do or do not look like has nothing to do with that! I would love you and want you – both – no matter what!"

"You're just saying that!" Gabriel shot back.

Fighting down the agitation he could feel coursing through his veins, Erik fixed Gabriel with an open and honest look. "There was a time when I would have just said it and it would have been a lie," he began as he spoke to a child older and wiser than his young years. "But that was before I met your mother." A tiny smile crossed Erik's face. "Your mother was able to look past this," Erik pointed at his own disfigurement, "and see the man inside who just wanted to be loved." He reached out to touch his son's face. "Just as I do not see this when I see you or Michael." Erik sighed as he cupped his son's cheek. "When I look at you and your brother, I see everything that is good and pure about the world. I see your mother and how much she loves you – how much she loves me. I see a future I never thought and I would have." Erik withdrew his hand. "And to think about a world – my life – without you or your brother in it frightens me beyond belief! I cannot imagine my life without you or Michael! If I think upon it, the emptiness makes me want to scream."

Gabriel set his chin. "But you said …"

"And you did not hear the rest," Erik replied in a tone of voice meant to still the child.

Gabriel's eyes narrowed. "What … rest?"

"When I told your mother that I did not mean what I said." Erik shook his head. "When I told your mother that I only said what I did out of fear." Erik drew a deep breath. "I am afraid of something happening to your mother and the new baby. I am afraid of – anything -" he emphasized the word, "happening to my dreams." He reached out again for his son. "You and your brother and the new baby and your mother are the fulfillment of my dreams. You are everything I wanted and never thought I would have. You are every breath that I take. You are every beat of my heart." Erik drew his son close. "You are my soul!" Father and son studied each other. "I would die without you!" Gold eyes met gray eyes in silent longing for something just beyond the barriers of a broken heart. "I love you!"

Gabriel stood quietly for just a moment as his father finished speaking. A single hand reached up to touch his face before reaching across a vast space to trace the disfigurement of his father's face. Suddenly two arms wrapped themselves around Erik's neck.

"I love you," Gabriel said. "Take me home, Papa."


	7. Chapter 7

**A Brief Recap:** Erik and Tallis have been married for nearly seven years. They still live in the cottage on Trevinny's estate grounds but now their home is shared with their sons – five year old Gabriel and Michael who is almost three. It is hinted that Tallis has not had an easy time birthing either of her children. Now with the birth of another child looming on the horizon, Tallis must deal with the fears of a husband who is slowly turning back into the brooding "Phantom". Erik's actions sent his oldest son, Gabriel, running away only to be saved by his father.

**Chapter Summary:** Erik returns Gabriel to his worried mother. Erik and Tallis make peace over what happened to their child even as Erik feels himself slip further away from the world he so wants. And in the darkness of his music room Erik has an epiphany.

**Author's Notes: **Whoa, dude – an update! Yes, this story is actually going to be finished because it will lead into the story that follows. I am sorry for the lack of updates but Real Life has been rather mean of late and chased away The Muse who found other things to occupy her time. But now She is back and wants to write again and I am VERY happy to indulge her! And if you are still out there and willing to read – thank you for sticking with it.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Clink. Clink.

A stoneware bowl followed its mate onto the towel to dry.

Clink. Clink.

A mug joined the bowls.

Clink. Clink.

There was something comforting about the sound of sturdy crockery knocking together. It was an eternal sound. The softness of the earth mixed with the remains of hard rock and tempered by the flames of Hell to create strong, enduring beauty. Beauty that had an almost musical ring as it touched its mate.

"Music," Tallis whispered as hands gripped tightly to the sink's edge, her head bending down. Her eyes closed for a moment in silent prayer, her mind no longer able to find the words to pray. Tallis lifted her head and stared out the kitchen window into the back garden.

Michael was there with Moira, his own small hands holding out a dish of food to Bear. Tallis watched her normally cautious son walk boldly into the dogs' enclosure and place the dish down directly in front of Bear. Any other day Michael would not have even ventured into the pen much less pet Bear as the huge dog gobbled down the scraps of meat Tallis had sent out. Yet there he stood, suddenly brave, growing up before her eyes. And Tallis knew that some of his bravery came from the gentle touch of Moira's hands upon his shoulders – hands that should have been hers.

Tallis turned from the window, leaning against the sink, staring at the wet, empty hands held before her. They were capable hands, busy hands. They dried tears and created sighs. They loved and comforted. And now they waited before her eyes, empty, still, hoping for someone to dry her tears, to love and comfort her. Tallis shook dim thoughts from her head as she wrapped her hands in the towel at her waist, her glance turning to the small clock on the mantle over the hearth – it had been over seven hours since she had discovered Gabriel missing. Seven hours of jumping at every little sound. Seven hours of tripping over the well-meaning people who had gathered round in support. Seven hours of tears no longer able to be shed. Seven hours of a life lived in a strange land where fear held sway and there was no mysterious shadow in the darkness to bring her back into the light.

"Erik," she breathed, a single tear escaping unbidden as a silent prayer to the man who had saved her from common expectations and unfulfilled dreams. He had taken her from an ordinary life, thrusting her into worlds even her vivid imaginings could not have fathomed. He had taken her to the dark depths of exasperation and raised her to heights of unknown bliss. He had made her laugh and made her cry. He had placed his faith in her, trusting her with his heart and with their future. It was a future that was promising to be just as stubborn and complicated as the past. A future that was currently lost somewhere out in a late spring afternoon.

A butterfly tossed and tumbled beneath Tallis' heart, drawing her attention from grim thoughts of missing husband and son. "I am sorry, little one," she whispered as fingers undid the apron that would soon no longer fit about her expanding waistline. "I did not mean to ignore you." Tallis laid the apron and the towel on the back of a chair, holding to it for a moment as the room spun about her, a hand reaching to her mouth as Tallis fought back a sudden wave of nausea. The doctor had given her a powder to help ease the upsets that plagued this pregnancy - as well as the last two - and the powder was kept hidden from curious hands in the bedroom bureau. Tallis hoped it would ease her nerves as well as the nausea.

She walked through the empty kitchen and into the large front room. The room was silent now – Moira having shooed away all those that had gathered about in support. The women had disappeared back to their corners of the estate, the men who had not gone searching for the missing child also returning to their daily duties. Tallis knew that John Terrance waited impatiently at the main house, horses and carriage at the ready – for any eventuality. She knew that men had returned from various searches, none of them carrying the news of the eventuality that she feared most. Yet there was one man who not returned and Tallis feared it would be the one man who would never return. The mere thought of never seeing husband or son again caused the nausea to strengthen its hold, rising up her throat, threatening to boil over. Tallis knew she would not make it to the safety of the bedroom and the powder; instead, she moved quickly for the front door, knowing it would be easy enough to hide the after-effects of her nerves in the freshly turned flower beds.

The high-pitched squeal of a small child did what no powder could ever do – it startled the nausea completely away, replacing it with an anxious worry that instinctively guided Tallis' feet back through the kitchen and out the door. Tallis grabbed at the sudden sharp pain that radiated across her mid-section and tried to draw a deep breath. "Michael…" she began.

"Mama!" Gabriel called as he took his arms from about his father's neck, reaching them toward his mother.

"Oh, God," Tallis breathed as she took Gabriel from his father, wrapping her arms tightly about him, so grateful to have him back she did not notice his torn clothing or his missing shoe. Nor did she see his father.

"Send for the doctor," Erik said quietly to Moira, "and ring the bell." Moira nodded and began to run for the main house. Erik knew that someone would have the doctor within the hour and that the sound of the huge bell on the main barn would carry for miles, summoning everyone back to the estate. Erik watched Moira go, saw Max poke his nose through the fence at Bear and bent over to pick up the child bouncing at his feet. "Michael," he said softly before turning his attention to Gabriel and Tallis.

"Gabriel, Gabriel," Tallis repeated over and over, finally drawing back to look at her child. She ran a gentle hand over his face, a frown forming on her own as she noticed the scratches and dirt covering his cheeks. "You are hurt!"

"I am a big boy, Mama," Gabriel declared. "It's only little scratches."

Tallis did not whether to cry or laugh. "Gabriel," she managed as she shook her head, giving in to both the laughter and the tears.

Gabriel turned to look at his father; Erik nodded solemnly and Gabriel turned back to his mother. "Put me down, Mama."

Reluctantly, Tallis put Gabriel down, setting him free from her embrace, allowing him to be a big boy. She finally took note of the twinges deep in her abdomen and winced in pain. Her attention was so fully focused on Gabriel that Tallis did not see the tightening of her husband's jaw in reaction to the look that had crossed her face. She finally took note of Erik standing slightly behind Gabriel as Gabriel once again turned his gaze upon his father. Tallis managed a wavering smile for the man who would not meet her eyes.

"What do you say to your mother?" Erik wondered, his gaze fixed solely upon his son.

"It does not matter," Tallis said, an amazed smile crossing her face as her gaze turned from husband to son and back again. "You are both home..."

Gabriel sniffed back the tears he wanted to cry, remembering the words his father spoke as they walked home. "I am a big boy, Mama," Gabriel began as he looked at his mother, "and Papa says since I am a big boy I have to do big boy things." Despite his brave words, tears welled in Gabriel's eyes and his bottom lip began to quiver. "I am sorry, Mama," he said softly, drawing a bit of confidence as Erik's hand went to rest gently on his shoulder.

"Gabriel," Tallis tried.

"Let him finish," Erik said softly as he held to his other son, Michael quiet and somber in his father's arms. Erik gently pulled the thumb from Michael's mouth and wrapped his large hand about the toddler's small one.

"I am sorry, Mama," Gabriel repeated. "I didn't mean to scare you. I didn't mean to go away without telling you." A single tear slipped away. "I just wanted to make things better for you and Michael and the new baby." Another tear joined it. "I didn't mean it! I won't do it again!" Gabriel finally burst into tears and wrapped his arms as far as they would go about his mother, resting his head against her swollen abdomen. "I love you, Mama! Don't be mad at me!"

Tallis, mouth agape, held her hands at either side of her son's head as she looked at her husband. Their eyes met for a brief moment and both of them recalled a time when Erik, too, had cried into her lap, seeking her forgiveness. It had been a moment when Erik, pushed beyond the limits of his emotional strength, had snapped. Sinking into his blackness, he had done something foolish, trying to bring Tallis into the blackness with him. Now the child so like his father was trying to find his own way out of the blackness by holding to the same light that always guided his father back to the world of the living.

Erik turned away first, unable to take the emotional war raging in his wife's eyes.

"I will always love you!" Tallis told Gabriel as she sank to her knees and drew her son close, his arms going about her neck. "Always, always, always," she whispered as hands massaged gentle circles on Gabriel's back, soothing away the hiccoughing cries, before moving up to hold gently to his head, pulling it back. "But you must never, never do that again! You must never go away without Papa or me with you! You could get hurt or lost…"

"But I took Max with me!" Gabriel tried around his hiccups, rubbing his nose along his sleeve.

Erik bit back the sharp correction that rested on his lips, knowing this was a moment between mother and child.

Tallis wiped at the tear-streaked dirt on Gabriel's face, careful of the scratches. "And that was very smart of you to do," she acknowledged with a little smile before growing stern. "But it is not enough, Gabriel!"

"You said you weren't mad!"

Quickly placed kisses hushed the renewed cries.

"I am not angry with you," Tallis assured him. "I was scared for you."

"I am sorry, Mama!"

"It is over. It is done and you are home." Tallis sighed as she drank in the sight of the child in her arms. "And you are safe. That is all that matters."

Gabriel's bottom lip stuck out, worry in his eyes, looking just like his father. "You still love me?"

"I will love you till the end of time," Tallis said.

"We should get him inside," Erik interrupted, his wife's words stoking the cold flames of fear that he could not shake. "He needs to get into some clean clothes."

Tallis nodded and rose to her feet, reaching for and finding her son's hand. "You are right." She tried to be stern as she looked at Gabriel, failing miserably as she took in the dirty, tattered urchin at her feet. "And he needs a bath!" Tallis laughed at the look on her son's face.

"Me big boy," Michael insisted as he patted his father's face to get Erik's attention. "Down, Papa!"

Erik took a moment to look at Michael's face, the still gray oceans that were his mother's eyes and Erik felt sick as he saw both of his sons pulling away from him far too soon. He buried his feelings deep inside as he placed Michael down and saw him toddle to his mother's side.

"Me help," Michael declared as he took the hand Tallis extended.

"I'll get the water for the bath," Erik said as he turned, unable to watch his family walk away from him – even if it was only into the house. He was just letting Max into the dogs' enclosure when the sound of the bell from the main barn echoed across the landscape calling all the searchers back to the estate. But the sound of the bell was not enough to drown out the excited words that Gabriel told his mother as they entered the house…

"And I fell off the cliff and Papa saved me!"

Now having been fed and looked after, Gabriel and Michael were tucked safely into bed looking at picture books as their parents stood watch just beyond the open door to the bedroom. They were just a family again, the searchers having come and gone, Tallis' cousins having come and gone, the doctor having come and gone. All the joy and excitement at Gabriel's safe return had gradually subsided and Erik was left alone to deal with his wife's disbelief and simmering anger.

"He went over what cliff?" Tallis demanded, her whispered words harsh and grating to Erik's sensitive ears.

"The doctor did say Gabriel was not hurt, yes?" Erik responded, thinking he had once again carefully sidestepped his wife's question.

"He will be fine as soon as all those bruises and scrapes heal," Tallis said, a hand reaching out, claw-like, to grip onto Erik's upper arm. "You tell me what happened to my child out there and you tell me now!"

Those were words that Erik did not wish to speak and had been avoiding since he had first brought in the water for Gabriel's bath. He had stood silently and listened as Gabriel related the tale of what had happened to his mother and brother. Then all the people who had been searching for his son invaded the sanctuary of the cottage to assure themselves that the child had – indeed – been found alive and well. Next it had been the doctor who had arrived to examine Gabriel. Finally the children needed to be fed and coddled for a few hours. Erik had remained in the background, clinging desperately to the edges of the shadows as the outside world and come and gone from his home. Yet he found he could no longer avoid the words as Tallis fingers dug deep into skin and muscle.

"He was coming back," Erik began and gently removed his wife's hand from his arm, "and I startled him and he fell." Erik said the words quickly in the hope that they would register in his wife's brain.

He hoped in vain.

"You did what?" Tallis glared at her husband. "Erik, I swear to God…"

Erik, too, could glare. "I did not mean to do such a thing!" He said, his voice low and full of a strange resonance. "I was so relieved to see him coming back and he was still angry with me and he turned to run away again and he was not watching where he was going."

"And what did you do to make Gabriel so angry with you that he felt he had no choice but to run away? He is only five years old, Erik!"

"It is what we did!" Erik continued. "He overheard our conversation last night."

Tallis' eyes grew wide and flicked toward the bedroom where both boys continued to look at pictures, unaware of the tension between their parents. "My baby," she breathed. Her hand went to her mouth as she turned back to her husband. "Erik…"

"I know that he is your baby." Erik's eyes looked briefly at his sons and at the new child Tallis carried before he raised them to her eyes. "I know that they are all your babies." His voice grew softer, the power fading away. "I know that they will always be your babies. But Gabriel – in spite of his age – is wise beyond his years. He was incredibly brave out on the moor this day – far braver than I would ever have been at his age."

"You have always been brave," Tallis interrupted, thinking upon the horrors her husband had endured when he was the very age of his son. Her bottom lip trembled. "That is your gift to Gabriel."

"You do not understand." Erik's head shook back and forth almost imperceptibly. "He knows things. He feels things! Things that he should not even understand at his age." Erik turned his face from his wife. "Things I thought were hidden."

Tallis' anger was rapidly being replaced by confusion. "What things?"

Now it was Erik's turn to grip his wife by the arms. "You do not understand! I have not gifted that child with anything! Gabriel is in danger of becoming me! I am destroying my son!" Erik took his hands from Tallis' arms and cupped her face. "If it were not for you, for the heart that beats within you, for the mercy that comes from your soul, there would be no hope for Gabriel! You are his saving grace just as you are mine!" He shook his head, a sad little smile crossing his lips. "And Michael is your child – of that I am certain. There is nothing of me in him and I thank the God you believe in there is not."

Erik's constant battle with God could always raise her anger but there was something in her husband's eyes, his voice, that stopped the words of correction before Tallis could speak them. Instead she leaned into the cool, trembling hands that held her face so tenderly. "If it were not for you, I would not have Gabriel or Michael or our new child." Tallis gave Erik a wavering smile. "If it were not for you, I would have a life of unfulfilled dreams. You have given me so much!"

"I have given you nothing but heartache and pain."

Tallis reached up to hold to Erik's wrists. "What happened today is past and we should leave it in the past. It has happened and it is over and – perhaps – Gabriel will be somewhat the wiser for it. I am sorry that I let my anger and fear get the better of me." Tallis turned into her husband's hand and kissed it before turning back to him. "You brought our son – _our son_ – home safe and in a piece! You did what every other father who loves their children would have done."

For a long moment, Erik stared into Tallis' eyes, searching for something he could not even understand. He was not even sure what it was for which he searched. He was no longer even certain what he saw in those soft gray depths and for a moment longer he held to his wife's face, holding on to his most vivid fantasy and darkest nightmare. Finally and slowly he withdrew the hands about Tallis' face and nodded toward the bedroom where two little boys were safely lost in the fantasies woven by the dreams of others. "You should go to them," Erik said simply.

"Erik," Tallis tried as she hesitantly held out a hand toward him and withdrew it was Erik turned his face from her.

"No," Erik sighed. "Go to them. Sleep with them this night." His eyes closed momentarily and he swallowed hard. "Gabriel is bound to have nightmares and his mother should be there to chase away his frights and calm his soul."

"What of you? Should his father not…"

"No," Erik interrupted. "You will be needed this night." He held up a single hand as Tallis opened her mouth. "Please, do not. Just go to your children and we will see what the morrow will bring. Perhaps things will be clearer with the light of a new day."

Tallis knew when Erik had reached the end of the words he could speak, the emotions he could safely feel. "I will see you in the morning then." It was a cross between a question, a statement and a prayer.

"I shall be here," came the simple reply. Erik stood still as Tallis rose to her tiptoes and placed a kiss on his cheek before turning to the bedroom and her children.

"Mama," Gabriel called out happily. "Read us a story!"

"Mama, story," Michael's echo carried in Erik's mind as he turned his back on the family he had never dreamed to have and moved to check the doors and windows that would keep them safely locked away from the world for at least one night.

"But are they safely locked in with me?" Erik wondered to himself as he moved through the darkness of the still cottage, checking and double checking each door and window. He pulled and rattled each and every possible means of entrance until it seemed the glass and wood would break beneath the force. Assured that the locks were strong enough to protect against even him, Erik moved to the light that glowed softly from the back of the quiet house. It was a beacon in the darkness and it called to Erik, pulling him forward and he found himself almost reluctantly answering its call. But as with any beacon, he stopped just short of the danger the light warned against – the danger of opening his heart to the love that shone brighter than the burning wick of any oil lamp. "Tallis," Erik breathed as he leaned against the doorjamb.

Tallis lay crosswise across Gabriel's bed, her legs dangling off its edge an arm wrapped protectively around the children that lay snuggled at her sides. Michael was to her left, thumb stuck securely in his mouth, one little leg sticking out from beneath the blanket Tallis had tossed over him. On the other side, Gabriel lay with his back curled into his mother's expanding waist. Something disturbed his sleep and Gabriel made a slight sound of distress. Erik saw Tallis' hand reach over to lightly massage Gabriel's forehead as she breathed soothing sounds that stilled the restless child. Erik stood watching for another moment, almost feeling like an intruder as he studied mother and children united in sleep and love before turning away and walking toward the north end of the cottage.

He opened the door to his music room and walked in, reaching behind to close the door and thinking better of it. Erik left the door open as he moved into the room, staring at the upright piano that occupied one wall. He could not bear the siren call that sang through his veins at the sight of the instrument and turned his back to it, reaching for a seat and turning it to face a black corner of the room. Erik sat down in that armchair and slowly raised his hands before his face. He turned them - front to back - looking at the long fingers that flowed into elegant wrists. They were the hands of a maestro. They were meant to make music, to guide great orchestras, to correct imperfections. They were not meant to make mud pies or guide small children and correct their mistakes.

"What have I become?" Erik wondered aloud as his hands drifted downward to rest in his lap and he leaned back against the chair, studying the shadowy shapes moving in the darkness. "I am neither man nor Phantom," he addressed the living shades that moved across his mind's eye. "I am not a part of this world; I exist beyond it." A derisive snort escaped through his nose. "I am just the crazy man who is married to the beautiful woman." Erik shook his head angrily. "I am nothing. I am less than nothing!"

His last word faded away into the night as an image of Gabriel touching the scarring upon his little face and then touching the scarring upon his father's face passed before him, before thrusting himself into the safety of his father's arms.

Erik thought of Michael and the open smile and warm laughter that always lived on the little boy's lips and how Michael so willingly trusted the world about him.

He tried – and failed – to fight the dreams for a child not yet realized. He could not, he would not, allow himself to hope for a perfect symphony, an angel from Heaven!

"Oh, God," Erik breathed as an image of Heaven's grace chased away all other thoughts from his mind. For a brief moment he saw himself as that saving grace saw him – a beloved friend, an adoring husband, a compassionate father and a gentle lover. He saw in himself the possibilities of a lost childhood and the dreams of a misspent adulthood. He saw the past forgiven and forgotten and the future open and beckoning. He saw everything that never was and everything that could be. He heard his music in the laughter of children, He saw his life in the stars that lived in calm gray eyes that – despite all of his nonsense – never looked upon him with anything but love. Erik saw his life with a clarity and an honesty that frightened away even the most dismal of his thoughts.

"What have I done?" He bent over, placing his head into his hands, his shoulders shaking and heaving. "Tallis," he breathed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Summary:** In the weeks that have passed since Gabriel's misadventure on the moor, a family continues the healing process. In the sanctuary of his music room, Erik finds a lesson with his son capable of healing wounds from the past. And in that healing, a husband is returned to his wife.

CHAPTER EIGHT

The wise who have walked among us say that Time heals all wounds. It has the capability of healing both the physical and the spiritual. Time can take that which is broken and make it whole. It can find the pieces of dreams that pride and foolishness have scattered to the four-corners of the world and bring them together to create life. Man and Time have danced together from the very instant the Flame of Life was lit, often fighting each other for control of their strange movements. Yet even in those instances when man can feel time slipping away from him, he will still cling to the hope that someday he will be able to catch it up. Time and the hope that comes closely upon its heels are wondrous gifts from a benevolent universe.

The weeks that followed Gabriel's misadventure upon the moor found old and new wounds being healed behind the doors of the cottage that looked out over the Atlantic. Children have a remarkable capability to recover from physical injury and the bruises that covered Gabriel from head to toe slowly faded from black to purple to green and then into memory. They took with them cuts and scrapes that left behind only faint red marks that would also continue to fade away. Gabriel's spiritual wounds – the fear of his mother's anger, the uncertainty of his father's love – were washed away under the careful ministration of hands and a heart that had surrendered to the infinite possibilities of what lay before them. The past had, indeed, been forgiven and forgotten and Erik found a new joy as he carefully conducted the music of his sons' lives.

It did not go unnoticed.

"What is it you are doing?" Tallis wondered as she sipped at the last of her morning tea. She placed the cup down, folded her hands on the table and stared at her husband.

"I am enjoying a quiet moment with my wife before our children return from their bedroom, dressed as only they could dress, and we need to re-button shirts and tie shoes," Erik replied.

"Be serious!"

"I am being serious!"

Tallis drew a deep breath. "Erik…" she warned in a voice usually kept for small children who did not heed her words quickly enough.

"I am doing exactly as you asked weeks ago – I am creating memories for our children."

"That is not exactly what I asked," Tallis interrupted.

Erik relented. "I know." He placed a hand over hers. "But I am trying." Erik grew silent and shook his head. " I know you are weary of hearing those words, of listening to my constant apologies. It is just that there are times – especially now – when I fear losing all of this." He waved his free hand, encompassing the area of the sunny kitchen. "I fear the loneliness. I fear the quiet." He tapped his head. "I fear the thoughts and the voices that were once my only companions." Erik could nearly not bear the compassion and understanding he saw shining from his wife's eyes. "When that happens – when the fear becomes too great - I go back to the one thing I know. The one thing that brought me such comfort all those years. I go back to the darkness of the cellars. I allow the darkness to hide me, to swallow me. I become a shade – a parody – of a man because it is far easier to pretend to be something than to actually have to face the reality of the very same thing." He cast down his eyes to watch as his hand massaged the simple gold band on Tallis' ring finger. "And reality can be a very terrifying thing, indeed."

"Erik," Tallis began and stopped, gathering her thoughts – there were times when the depth of thought and emotion that flowed from her husband could still make her feel like an ignorant country girl. "We both know how terrifying life can be." She removed a hand and placed it over Erik's, stilling his fidgeting. "My fears are different from yours but they can scare me as much as the fear you have that sends you running for the darkness. But the best way to deal with a fear is to face it, I believe. You may find yourself yet with those fears but you will know them and perhaps – just perhaps – they will not be quite so frightening any longer." She gave Erik a slight smile as he finally raised his eyes to hers. "It is a lesson that we will need to teach our children."

"We," Erik whispered on the sigh that escaped his lips. One little word that carried all his fear in its simplicity. He forcefully willed his fears back into the darkness at the edges of his mind. He knew there was a different lesson to be taught that day, a lesson of far more importance. "Enough dwelling in the darkness. There are great things to be done this day." He stood up and took the remaining breakfast dishes to the sink where he stood and looked out upon an early summer day with enough light to chase away even the darkest of shadows.

"Great things?" Tallis was confused.

Erik returned to her side, taking her hands and lifting her to her feet. "Yes," he said as he raised her left hand to his lips. "Great," he raised her right as well, "things." He took this hands and kissed each one in turn. "Yes, great things. I am going to spend the day with Gabriel while you take Michael with you."

"What are you doing?" Tallis once again asked.

"Great things, Mama!" a voice said from the doorway before Erik could answer. Gabriel walked into the kitchen, his hand firmly clasped to Michael's. "Papa and I are going to have school today!"

"School?" Tallis looked from husband to son and back again, her eyes narrowing with suspicion. "And just what is it you are teaching him?"

Erik smiled down at the children by his side and laid a hand atop Gabriel's head. "That is between father and son," he said, fixing his wife with an unblinking gaze.

"My turn! My turn!" Michael chirped as he hopped up and down.

"You have your turn tomorrow," Erik gently reminded him. "Are you sure you want him with you? Will he not be too much to handle without Gabriel to keep an eye on him?"

Now it was Tallis' turn to smile at her children. "He can help in the kitchen while I ensure that all is in order for the guests."

"Me cook!" Michael chirped as he continued to bounce.

Erik did nothing but roll his eyes at the thought of his youngest son in the vast expanse of the kitchen at Trevinny, free to create the messes of which he would be so proud. "The mind boggles," he said, his voice trailing away, a frown creasing an already marred forehead. "I worry about these guests with your time coming upon us. I worry it may be too much."

Tallis walked over and kissed him. "I have good people about me," she reminded Erik. "They will have a care for the guests and make sure that I have nothing to worry over." She placed a reassuring hand against his face. "And they will make sure you are not disturbed." Her eyes twinkled merrily.

"You are still an impertinent girl," Erik responded to that twinkle and kissed his wife soundly.

"Go!" Michael had been as good as a toddler could be for as long as he could manage.

Tallis held out her hand and Michael took it eagerly, dragging his mother toward the front door. "We will see you later," she called out.

The sound of the door opening and closing caused father and son to exchange mischievious grins.

"Go!" Gabriel mimicked his younger brother as he grabbed Erik's hand.

"My child," Erik breathed as he allowed Gabriel to lead him from the kitchen and toward the music room at the north end of the cottage. "Definitely my child."

Within moments that child was seated at the upright piano, squarely in front of "middle C", his father next to him. Gabriel squirmed slightly with anticipation of the lesson to be taught and the joy of being allowed back into his father's sanctuary.

Erik laid a hand upon Gabriel's knee. "We do not squirm before the piano."

Gabriel grew still except for the two legs swinging back and forth that were not yet long enough to reach either the floor or the pedals. He looked at his father, unable to keep the happy grin from his face. "What do we do now?" he wondered and looked at the piano. "Can I play a song?"

"No," Erik said and smiled as Gabriel's head whipped back. "And yes." He chuckled slightly at the confused look on his son's face. He had seen that very same look in Tallis' eyes during the early days of their courtship when she was unsure of the words that he spoke. It was a strange comfort to know that Tallis' sweet bewilderment would continue no matter what the future held. Erik shook that thought from his mind as another replaced it. "What is a lullaby?"

"Papa," Gabriel sighed as only a child who knows everything can, "everyone knows that!"

"What is it?"

Gabriel's leg banged against the piano as he swung it rather hard; he did not see the brief look of pain that crossed his father's face at the sound of boot upon wood. "It is what people sing when they put a baby to sleep." He smiled. "It is what Mama sings when she wants to put us to sleep." He giggled. "It does not work all the time." He crooked a little finger, Erik bent down and Gabriel whispered into his ear. "Sometimes I make believe I am asleep," he shared his secret. "Then Mama puts out the light and I can play in the dark with the shadows." Gabriel grew serious. "But you must never tell her!"

_My child,_ Erik thought and out loud. "I promise that I shall never tell Mama."

"Good," Gabriel said, curiosity knitting his brows together. "Why did you ask about a lullaby, Papa?"

The smile that grew in his heart felt as if it could break him. "Would you like to compose a lullaby for Mama and the new baby?" Erik wondered. The look on Gabriel's face chased away any doubts he might have had about creating something permanent for a dream that had every possibility of turning into a nightmare.

Gabriel threw his arms about his father. "Yes, yes, yes!" his loud, happy assent bounced off the walls of Erik's music room in an all too familiar way.

"Very well," Erik said as he gently disentangled himself from Gabriel's enthusiastic embrace. One hand gently guided Gabriel back to face the piano as the other took the child's small hands – the hands that held the promise of all his own dreams – and placed them in the basic position over the piano keys.

"What do I do, Papa?" Gabriel asked, his voice full of awe at being admitted – once again – into his father's music room and allowed at the piano, his long fingers actually touching the cool ivory keys.

"I want you to think," Erik began, a hand reaching out to Gabriel's eyes, closing the lids and remaining to cover the child's eyes, "and I want you to trust me." Erik felt Gabriel nod. "I want you to think of what it is you see when you see your mother. Think of what she does when she is with you. Think of how her arms feel when she pulls you close. Think of what you smell when you place your lips on her cheek for a kiss. Think of how gentle she is when she holds Michael or you." Erik's lips curled in delight as he noticed Gabriel's fingers begin to twitch.

"Mama is soft and always smells pretty."

"Yes," Erik said softly. "Now I want you to imagine the new baby. Think of what the baby will be like. Will the baby be a boy or a girl? Will the baby…"

"It will be perfect just like Mama," Gabriel interrupted in a sure voice. "And we will love the baby just like Mama loves us because Mama says we do not love what is on the outside – we love what is on the inside."

"Your mother is a very wise person," Erik said. "Think upon that wisdom, all the love that your mother has for you and for Michael and for the new baby," his voice lowered, "for me. Think upon how much you love her. Think upon how happy she makes you feel." He was silent for a moment. "What do you feel, Gabriel? What do you see?"

There was no hesitancy in Gabriel's answer. "I feel all warm like when I sit before the fire."

"And what do you see?"

Gabriel's lips pursed as he thought. "I see an angel." And he slowly began to smile. "I see an angel that looks like Mama."

"I wish you to keep your eyes closed," Erik began and removed his hand from before Gabriel's eyes. "I want you to take what you see in here," he touched a single finger to Gabriel's head and then touched his heart, "and what you feel in here." His hands caressed his son's arms as they moved down to the hands resting upon the piano keys. "I want you to take all of that and let it come out here." He leaned over so that he could whisper into the child's ear. "Listen to the music, Gabriel; let it guide your soul."

As his father's words reached into his mind, Gabriel's finger reached for the "E" above middle "C", the sound of the first note quickly followed by another. And then another. And another as Gabriel began to pour a young soul into his very first composition.

Erik reached for the pencil that always rested atop the piano. He copied the notes he heard coming from his son's hands. Eyes did not need to look at the paper as the pencil simply wrote down the letters of each note that Gabriel's long fingers played. A delighted amazement raced through Erik as his son's left hand began to hesitantly pick out lower notes that harmonized with the music coming from his right hand. His eyes never left Gabriel's face even as his right hand furiously scribbled the music that was being coaxed from the piano and Gabriel's heart. In the melody that danced about the room and in the look upon his son's face, Erik caught the memory of his own first bold attempts at pulling the notes from his mind to set them free upon the world. How different this was! A room lit by the summer sun instead of a dark cellar. The music of nature in the roar of the clear ocean just beyond their doorstep instead of the weak lapping of dark water along man-made canals. A teacher at the child's side to lovingly guide instead of a child lost and alone, unable to understand the artistry that bubbled within.

_No,_ Erik thought with a shake of his head, _not a teacher – a parent._ Briefly he became lost in a deep well of all that had never been. Hazy images of a strange woman crossed his mind. He struggled in vain to bring her vision into focus and in that moment Erik knew what Michael may one day remember of his mother and it terrified him. He could not bear the thought that all that Tallis had ever been might fade way into nothing but a wisp of memory. Erik thought he could hear her fading away with the very thought and he shook himself only to find that the music was slowly fading away, Gabriel's gray eyes – his mother's eyes – looking at him with a mixture of pride and worry.

"Was it good, Papa?" he asked.

There was no hesitation as Erik dropped the pencil from his fingers and grabbed his son, lifting him into his embrace. "It was better than good!" Erik declared, hugging Gabriel close, the child's arms tightening about his neck. "It was the best lullaby that has ever been written!"

Gabriel jumped up and down on the piano bench, shaking his father. "I did it! I did it!"

Erik drew a deep sigh as he gently extricated himself from his son's grasp. He held Gabriel by the arms and smiled at him. "You did do it," he acknowledged, once again touching Gabriel's head and heart. "You took all that is within you," Erik leaned over and touched his forehead to the child's, "all that you are and you found a way to bring that joy – that life – to the world." He grew solemn. "It is a gift, Gabriel. It is a gift not many are given and we must nurture it and help it to grow into something wonderful."

"Like the flowers in Mama's garden!" Gabriel's delight at his accomplishment could not be contained.

"Just like the flowers in Mama's garden," Erik echoed and laughed slightly as Gabriel turned to look at the notes he had scribbled, his eyes growing wide with wonder.

"Is that the baby's song?"

"Yes," Erik said and patted the piano bench, waiting until Gabriel had sat down again. "That is the lullaby you just composed." He pulled out a clean sheet of paper. "Now, we shall take these scribbles and make them into a real sheet of music and you shall help."

"How?"

"You shall point out to me where the notes belong," Erik told his son. "I have taught you the notes on the staves and you shall take these letters," he pointed at the scribbles, "and tell me where to place them."

Gabriel was worried "But what if I cannot remember?" He looked at his father. "Will you be mad at me?"

"Certainly not!" Erik placed a gentle hand on Gabriel's shoulder. "I promise I shall not be angry with you. If you do not know, then we shall place the note together but I do wish you to try."

"I can try if you are here to help me." Simple words that carried held so much faith and trust.

"I shall always be here," Erik said as he placed a kiss atop Gabriel's head. "I have something else I would like you to try as well." A indicated a smaller set of scribbles. "These are the notes you were playing on the bass clef…"

"I did that?" Gabriel interrupted.

Erik nodded. "Most assuredly. Now I am going to help you – if you would like – to turn these simple notes into the perfect harmony to the lovely melody you composed."

Gabriel's jaw dropped. "You would do that?"

"Only if you wish me to do so."

"Yes, please, Papa!" Gabriel's eyes lit up. "Can we start now? Can we?"

Erik bent down and retrieved the pencil from the floor. "Let us begin," he said with a smile.

It was late afternoon before father and son left the sanctuary of the music room, their work completed. They had worked all morning without a break. They had nearly worked through their lunch and had it not been for the insistent barking of two dogs demanding their share of attention, they may very well have lost themselves in their music. Erik and Gabriel reluctantly dragged themselves away from their shared joy to tend to Max and Bear, letting the dogs have a run on the moor while Erik patiently answered all the questions about music that flowed from his son. He was amazed at the depth of thinking of which the five-year old was capable. Gabriel reminded Erik of nothing more than a sponge from the sea – able to absorb everything that was placed within his reach – and it delighted him beyond anything he had thought possible. They had returned the dogs to their pen and given them the scraps that Tallis had left in the kitchen. It crossed Erik's mind that he should probably feed his son and he had grabbed some bread and cheese and a pitcher of water, allowing Gabriel to bring his lunch into the music room. "But we mustn't tell Mama," he had said. "It shall be our secret, yes?"

"We will never tell Mama," Gabriel laughed as he held to his father's hand and bounced down the hall beside Erik.

"You will never tell Mama … what?" Tallis wondered as she poked her head into the great room at the center of the cottage.

"Papa! Papa! Papa!" Michael cried out as he appeared from behind his mother's skirts and ran to Erik, nearly jumping up into his father's arms.

"Michael," Erik laughed as Michael planted kisses all over his face.

"Baby," Gabriel sighed and went to sit on the empty hearth, reaching for a book kept in a nearby basket.

"Made cookies!" Michael chirped.

That got his brother's attention. "Cookies?"

"All by myself," Michael told him with a very firm nod of his head.

Gabriel turned to look at his mother. "We have cookies? May I have one?" He remembered his manners as Erik cleared his throat. "Please?"

Tallis raised at eyebrow at her first born. "Not until you tell me what it is you are never going to tell me."

"But … but…" Gabriel's face fell. "But then it would no longer be a secret."

"It is our secret," Erik interrupted, drawing his wife's attention. "Do not ask again."

Tallis' eyes narrowed as she looked at her husband, then at her child and back again, assessing the situation. There was something going on, of that much she was certain. She could not miss the look of love and adoration in Gabriel's eyes as he looked to his father. Nor did Tallis mistake the familiar little squirm of pride that Gabriel made as Erik gave him a brief wink before turning back to met her eyes. And there was something in Erik's eyes that Tallis had not seen since the earliest days of their marriage – there was a distinct glow of pride and possession in his eyes. She had not seen that look – that pride – since she had woken that morning to catch him watching her as she had slept beside him for the first time – his possession. It told her that Erik had found something that he was certain was his and would never leave him. Tallis bit the inside of her lip as she also saw the love on his face as he ran a hand down Michael's cheek before placing the wriggling toddler down and the powerful admiration that he could not hide as he turned to smile at Gabriel. She had lost and she knew it.

"I am glad that the men I love most in this world can share such wondrous things as secrets," Tallis said, her lips turning upward in a grin as she nodded toward the kitchen. "The cookies are on the table." She laughed at the two little boys who ran past her and counted softly to ten. "One cookie only or you will spoil your dinner," she said without turning to look behind her into the kitchen.

"Mama," Gabriel whined.

"Mama," Michael mimicked.

"One only," Tallis insisted and suppressed the mirth that threatened to bubble over as her sons came out from the kitchen, one cookie and one cookie only to each child. "Go and play until dinner," she told them, "and then we can have milk and cookies and a book before you go to sleep for the night."

"Two books?" Michael wanted to know.

"Perhaps," Tallis said and turned to her husband. "I suppose you would like to have a cookie, as well?"

Erik walked to his wife and leaned over. "I would like more than a cookie," he breathed in her ear.

Tallis failed to suppress the giggle that escaped and quickly turned into a sigh as she felt a gentle hand go to rest over the child she carried.

"It was not too much this day?" Erik asked as he drew back, swallowing hard as he felt a gentle kick beneath his hand.

"No," Tallis assured him. "I spent most of the day at the desk going over ledgers and accounts and I was only up and down the stairs once." She placed her hands over Erik's and moved his hand to follow the movement of their child. "I told you that I have wonderful people about me."

Erik frowned slightly. "But you seem a bit pale."

"I am a wee bit tired and rather hungry," Tallis grinned, "and someone forgot to begin dinner like he usually does."

"Ah…" Erik grew sheepish.

"What did you and Gabriel do this day that claimed your attention so?" Tallis asked softly so that her son would not hear.

"What we did this day shall remain between Gabriel and I."

"But…"

"My dear Tallis, I am doing exactly what you told me to do – I am making memories with my son. And tomorrow it shall be Michael's turn" Erik said as he took his hands and cupped his wife's face in them. "I also learned something this day."

"What was that?"

"I learned that…" Erik drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, beginning again. "I learned that I still have much to offer this world. I still have music to share." He turned for a moment to look at the children reading before the hearth. "But that music now lives in my son. I am here to encourage him, to still his fears and calm his doubts, to lift him up. I am here to ensure that my son will be everything I could never be." A single hand moved to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Tallis' ear. "That both of my sons," the hand moved back to touch the new baby, "that all of my children will fulfill the promises that live within them. I am here to be their teacher and their guide." He paused for a moment. "I am here to be their father."

"Erik," Tallis said with a cry in her voice as she threw her arms about him and rested her head against his shoulder. "That is all I have been wanting to hear for months!" She turned her head to look at him. "You came back to me," she whispered. "My Erik came back to me."

"And you waited," Erik whispered back.

"I will always wait for you," Tallis said as she reached up and found a kiss. "Always."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Summary:** As the children share a quiet moment in the early morning hours, Erik finds himself dealing with a sick and stubborn wife. Tallis sets out for a day in the nearby village of Kingsand and Michael looks forward to the day where it is his turn.

CHAPTER NINE 

Dreaming.

He was dreaming. Dreaming of wonderful things. Dreams of full notes and half notes and quarter notes. Dreams of little pencil marks dancing along straight lines. Dreams of ivory and ebony keys that rose up to meet him. Dreams of magical sounds that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere to wrap him in their embrace. The sounds danced him around an unknown room while all those pencil marks watched him from the shadows, glowing like little eyes as they whispered to him, "My turn, my turn, my turn…"

"My turn! My turn! My turn!" a real voice called to him, pulling him from his sleep even as little hands pulled at his arm.

Gabriel reluctantly blinked his eyes open to see Michael at his bedside, his brother's arm pulling at his own. "What?" Gabriel muttered sleepily.

Michael bounced up and down, still pulling on his brother's arm. "My turn make for Mama!"

Gabriel moaned and closed his eyes.

"Please, get up!"

A sleepy head turned to look out the bedroom window that faced toward the east and saw a thin sliver of pink just barely beginning to peek over the horizon. Gabriel turned back to the smiling toddler waiting impatiently by his bedside. "It's too early."

Michael's bottom lip stuck out and his chin began to quiver. "No," he whined as his chest began to heave. "My turn."

"Mama is still asleep. The house is quiet," Gabriel tried reasoning.

"My turn," Michael cried, tears beginning to slip down his cheeks.

Gabriel knew the sound of a crying child would bring his mother running into the room and heaved a great sigh. He took his free hand and lifted up the corner of his sheet. "Come into bed with me and I'll tell you all about my dream."

"Dream?" Michael asked around his tears.

"I was dancing with music that hopped off the paper!"

"True?"

"Yes, true," Gabriel tapped his mattress. "Come and get into bed and I shall tell you the rest and then we can talk about what you want to make for Mama."

The prospect of sharing a bed with his brother and talking about his gift for his mother stopped the tears that Michael was crying. He clambered up onto the bed and lay down, turning so that he could look at Gabriel. "Tell me!"

Gabriel slipped the sheet over them and smiled at Michael. "I will tell you but you must close your eyes so you can see the pictures in your head."

"Eyes closed!" Michael said happily, closing his eyes tightly.

Slowly and with a voice resonant with a seductive power that could only have come from his father, Gabriel began to weave the tale of his dream. As he spoke, he carefully watched Michael's face, a small smile growing on his own as Michael's tightly closed eyes began to relax, the toddler's thumb going to his mouth. Gabriel's voice drifted off as he recognized the gentle breathing of a child at slumber. His own eyes closed in response as he gratefully drifted back to a world where the music danced him round and round.

In another part of the cottage by the sea, another room spun round and round but it was not the heady joy of dancing to the music that made the room spin.

Tallis leaned a cheek heavily against the cool pane of the window that faced the Atlantic, desperately seeking some relief from fire that raced through her veins, flushing her skin and making her sweat. She did not dare to open her eyes for fear of the spinning room tossing her stomach even further. She did not think she had anything left to give but the sour taste in her mouth and the scratchy feeling in her throat gave her pause. She lightly rubbed her cheek against the glass, trying to picture in her mind how close the bed was, wondering if she could make it with her eyes closed when she felt familiar hands upon her arms.

"Is it any better?" Erik asked.

"I am not sure," Tallis replied her voice slightly hoarse. The hands upon her arms tightened.

"Let me take you back to bed."

"Do not move me!" Tallis braved squinting her eyes open. "I do not want to be sick again."

Erik had held his wife's head as she leaned over the wash basin in their room kept for just such an emergency. He had cleaned up after her, fighting down the panic of leaving her alone in their room if even for a brief moment. "It is not a great thing," he said softly.

"It is not your stomach," Tallis replied, her eyes closing again.

"Perhaps I should go for the doctor," Erik ventured.

"I will be seeing him later." The glass felt good against her skin and the roiling in her stomach seemed to be easing.

"Some fresh air," he tried again.

"Just leave me alone."

"Damn obstinate woman," Erik grumbled as he swept his pregnant wife up into his arms, turning toward the bedroom door.

"Erik…" Tallis exclaimed, opening her eyes and losing a bit of her returning color as the room began to spin again.

Erik's hand went to her head. "Close your eyes," he ordered in a voice that was eerily similar to the voice Gabriel used on his brother but with more power and command behind it. He forcefully put Tallis' head to his shoulder. "You will do as I say," he whispered into her ear. "Hold to me."

Tallis turned her head into Erik's shoulder and snaked her arms about his neck for she could do nothing else.

Careful of the precious lives he held in his arms, Erik moved from the bedroom, down the hallway and into the great room. He paused for a moment, listening for sounds of awakening children and upon hearing none, he moved to the front door. He reached for latch and a booted foot nudged the door open, nudging it closed once he had moved into the front garden. The insistent sound of waves pounding against the rocks at the base of the cliff and the feel of the slightly warm breeze upon his skin told Erik that the tide was coming in; it was just what he had hoped. Still holding tightly to Tallis, he made his way through the garden and sat upon the rock wall that guarded the walkway from the dangerous edge of the cliff. Slowly he swung his legs over the wall so that he was sitting facing the ocean.

"Now," he whispered to his wife, touching her cheek, "I want you to turn and face the ocean."

"Erik…" Tallis breathed.

"Do as I tell you."

Tallis found she could not fight the compelling tone of that voice. Keeping her eyes closed she turned her face toward the sound of the tide.

"I want you to breathe," Erik continued, a hand going to massage the area between his wife's shoulder blades. "Small, slow breaths at first." He could feel the slight in and out of his wife's breathing and lowered his voice a notch. "Now deeper and fuller." His other hand went to stroke her forehead, smoothing back the sweaty tendrils of hair that had escaped from her braid. "Breath from your diaphragm and in through your nose and out through your mouth." He continued to massage her back, loving the feel of her chest moving against his, committing the feeling to memory. Lost in frightening, unnamable thoughts Erik did not hear the words that Tallis breathed. "Pardon?" he asked, turning his head down to look at her.

"Damn Phantom," Tallis repeated softly.

Erik could not help but chuckle; those words meant that his wife was beginning to feel better. "There are times when his presence is required." He planted a kiss on Tallis' head. "Especially when Erik is married to a woman who will not listen to reason."

Tallis continued to inhale deeply of the tangy morning air, the breeze chasing away the flush in her cheeks, the salt easing the scratch in her throat and the rolling in her stomach, the love in the arms about her calming her fears. She finally turned her head and stared into her husband's eyes, glowing gold from the light just beginning to appear over the top of the cottage. "Thank you," she sighed and returned her head to his shoulder, "it is better." She reached up and lightly hit Erik in the chest. "Damn Phantom."

"I love you" had never sounded so sweet to Erik's ears. "This is one time I shall not apologize for my beastly behavior, my beauty." He could not look at the woman in his arms so turned his glance out to sea. "You frightened me and I needed to do something and…"

"Erik," Tallis interrupted, her hand going to his disfigurement, causing him to look at her, "you do so many things for me in so many ways of which you are not even aware. I do wish you would not … not…" Tallis struggled for the right word.

"Berate?" Erik wondered, a smile curling one side of his mouth – he knew his wife so well.

"Yes," Tallis admitted, feeling the embarrassment return the flush to her cheeks. "I wish you would not berate yourself so." She returned his slight smile and inhaled deeply. "You did the right thing. The sea air has calmed the worst of my upset and I am truly feeling much better."

"Our child?" he asked quietly.

Tallis took her hand from his face, reaching for one of his, placing it over her swollen abdomen where the baby was making its presence known. She blinked back tears at Erik's softly breathed, "Thank God" and drew strength from his willingness to admit to his fears for her. "It was only a stomach upset," Tallis began, "I am sure it was just something I ate…"

"We all ate the same thing last evening," Erik reminded her and shook his head. "This was more than a mere digestion problem. I have not seen you that violently ill since," his voice began to trail away, "you were carrying Michael."

"It was nothing! I am better now!"

"I know you are trying to allay my fears but you cannot so you must allow me to have them. I do not know how to live a life without fear as a companion." Erik drew his wife closer. "You have calmed my dark imaginings these past years and at the same moment you are my greatest fear. Now I will not truly be at peace again until this child is born and both of you are alive and well." He frowned slightly. "Do allow me the comfort of old familiar fears – if only when we are alone together."

"Your fears are my fears," Tallis replied softly and laid her head against his heart. "Even as your heart is my heart and mine is yours." She tilted her head back slightly and caught Erik's eye. "Together we are strong enough to face any fear."

Erik leaned over and kissed her gently before returning his gaze to the ocean, the breeze ruffling white hair. "Together, yes." He felt Tallis' arms snake beneath his shoulders, drawing him close. "But only together," he mouthed unseen into the wind.

The wind died down as the sun continued to rise bringing with it the promise of a new day. Erik and Tallis found their way back to the cottage, Erik taking charge of the morning chores, leaving his wife to rest. He found no need to rouse the children from their sleep as the boys had found their way to the kitchen while he was preparing a tray for Tallis. Gabriel and Michael were delighted at the invitation to share breakfast in bed with their mother, Erik keeping a bright face for the sake of his sons. He watched from the rocking chair as his sons and their mother shared a bed and a meal. He wished he could find some of the joy that Tallis found in the chatter of the children but all he could see was her still pale skin and the way she nibbled and sipped her way through breakfast. Finally he had shepherded two reluctant little boys from their mother's side so she could get ready for the day.

"My turn, my turn, my turn," Michael sing-songed as he skipped around the huge kitchen table.

"We know, we know," Gabriel sighed dramatically.

"Gabriel," Erik warned as he placed the last of the breakfast dishes on a towel to dry.

What Gabriel may have retorted as he turned to look at his father was interrupted by the sound of a knock on the door and the voice that followed:

"Good Morning," Moira called out.

"Aunt Moira! Aunt Moira!" Gabriel and Michael called back.

"Wait here one minute," Erik told his sons. "I need to have a moment with Moira." He left Michael still dancing around the table and Gabriel standing on a chair by the window, staring out at the dogs. He found Moira standing in the middle of the great room.

"Good morning, Erik."

"That is entirely debatable," he replied as he reached Moira's side, taking her by the arm and drawing her to the fireplace.

Moira's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What's wrong? What's happened?"

"Tallis was desperately ill this morning and I do not think it wise that she venture to town but I cannot stop her." Erik shook his head. "Will you please have an extra care for her this day? I do not want her to exert herself in any manner." He grew grim. "She must take care of herself." Then he sighed. "Will you please try and speak some sense to her? She refuses to listen to anything I may say."

Moira was still as Erik spoke and nodded as he finished. "I will do what I can but do not expect her to listen to me when she will not listen to you."

"She does not listen to anyone!" Erik's face began to grow red with anger. "That woman is stubborn and impossible and she will be the death of me!" Silence descended as Erik realized what he had said. The color drained from his face. "I did not mean… I did not…"

"I understand," Moira nodded in sympathy. "Joseph often says the same about me. It seems to be the way of our family."

"You may understand but will your God be so generous?" Erik wondered aloud even as he quietly kicked himself for tempting Fate.

Moira could not help the smile that crept across her face. "For a man who often questions God and his existence, you do seem to worry about His reaction to the way your live your life."

"I have learned never to leave any possibility unexplored."

Another silence invaded the room as Moira studied the man standing before her. "You are a strange man, Erik," she began, "but you are a good man; my cousin could not love you otherwise. Do not worry for Tallis, I promise I shall see her safely to town and back home again."

A weight seemed to be lifted from Erik's shoulders. "Thank you."

The woman who raised such concern in Erik's breast chose that moment to enter the room. Still tired and worn from the early morning illness, Tallis could not raise the energy to make a comment about her husband and cousin holding a civil conversation. Instead she placed a smile upon her face and walked over to them. "Good Morning," she said as she hugged Moira and turned to Erik. "Where are my boys?"

"In the kitchen," Erik said as he lightly touched his wife's face. "Are you sure you are quite up to this?"

"Erik," Tallis sighed, "I must see the doctor and there are shopkeepers that must be visited." She shook her head. "I will be fine. I promise."

Erik touched a finger to his wife's mouth. "From your lips to your God's ear." He kissed her and turned toward the kitchen. "Gabriel, Michael," he called to them, "come and kiss your mother."

"Mama, Mama," the boys said as they ran from the kitchen, right into their mother's arms.

"Will you be gone very long?" Gabriel wondered.

"My turn, my turn, my turn!" Much like any three-year old, Michael was fixed on the most important thing in his life at the moment.

Tallis could not help but laugh. "I shall be gone most of the day to town," she told Gabriel and looked briefly at Erik, "but I shall be home in time for supper."

Gabriel's eyes lit up. "If I promise to be very good, can you bring me back a new toy?"

"Perhaps." Tallis' eyes lit up, responding to the light in her son's eyes. "But only if you are very good and do not give Papa a hard time."

"I promise! I promise!" Gabriel jumped up and down.

Michael, too, was jumping. "My turn, my turn, my turn!"

"So you have said." Tallis grabbed her youngest son's face in her hands. "Your turn to do what?"

"Make you present!"

Tallis was confused. "What?"

Michael leaned forward and kissed the end of his mother's nose. "Make present for Mama," he said in a voice that bespoke the obvious.

Tallis straightened, reaching for and massaging her side as she did. "Present?" she wondered. "Erik?" she studied the unreadable face of the man before her. "Is this another of those things I should not ask about?"

"Yes."

"And you are not going to tell me any more than that?"

"No."

Tallis leaned back over so that she could speak directly to Michael. "I shall tell you something," she began, a gentle hand running down the front of his shirt, "you make me a very nice present and I shall bring you back a present, as well as one for your brother."

"Present!" Michael exclaimed before skipping off around the room, stating the obvious for everyone in the room. "My turn, my turn, my turn!"

Gabriel heaved a great sigh and folded his arms across his chest. "He is such a ninny."

Another laugh escaped Tallis' lips, lifting her heart as it did so – Gabriel looked so like his father at that moment. "Do not call your brother a 'ninny', Gabriel," she corrected him.

"Yes, Mama." Another great sigh came as Gabriel went after his brother. "Slow down, baby."

"They are a delight," Moira laughed as she watched her young cousins racing about the room.

"They are…" Erik began.

"Annoying little interlopers," Tallis finished for him with a smile on her face.

Erik's eyebrow raised at his wife. "Truly, madame?" he questioned. "I was going to say that they are just being little boys but if you," he emphasized the word, "would rather refer to them as annoying little interlopers, then, pray, do let me dissuade you from bestowing such a moniker upon our children."

Tallis took a step forward and placed a single finger on Erik's chest as she raised her head to look him in the eye. "I am not quite sure of what you just said but when I find out, I am rather certain that you are going to be in trouble."

"When am I not in trouble?"

The look on Tallis' face softened. "When you are sleeping soundly by my side," she said so that only Erik could hear. "Whenever my heart beats, whenever I draw breath, whenever I see you across the room or hear the music from your piano." She reached up for a kiss. "The only time you are ever in trouble with me is when I cannot find you." She drew back. "This world is very frightening and troublesome without my beloved beast to protect me."

Erik grabbed her hands and raised them to his heart. "I shall always be here to protect you."

"And I love you for that," Tallis told him, glancing sideways at the mantle clock. "We must be going or we shall be late. Would you like me to bring you back a present?"

"Yes." Erik let go of her hands and reached out to touch the child she carried, no words needing to be said.

"Oh, Erik," Tallis sighed. "I shall do my best." She found another kiss. "I promise to have a care for myself and I shall see you in time for supper." Her eyes twinkled. "Do try and have it started tonight."

"Ah…" Erik rolled his eyes. "It shall be as you command." He claimed one last kiss and looked at Moira who had been watching quietly.

Moira nodded her head. "I will watch her and bring her home safe, sound and of a piece."

"Thank you," Erik said simply.

"Good bye, my darlings," Tallis said as she waved at her sons.

"Bye, Mama!" Gabriel waved back.

Michael never stopped his skipping about. "Bye, bye, bye," he said with each skip.

Tallis just laughed as she linked her arm with Moira's and they left the cottage, the sound of the closing door echoing even over Michael's continued chattering.

Erik raised a single finger to massage his brow. "Michael, do stand still for a moment," he asked.

Michael paused in his skipping. "Why?"

Gabriel flopped down on footstool with a huge sigh. "What a…" he began and paused as he caught the look his father sent him, "…baby," he finished.

Erik returned his attention to his youngest son. "What have you wanted since yesterday?"

Michael's gray eyes twinkled with the same stars as his mother's. "My turn! My turn! My turn!" He grew quiet for a minute when Erik did not answer immediately. "My turn?" Michael questioned.

Erik smiled down upon both his children. "Yes, Michael; it is finally your turn."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Summary:** Michael gets his "turn". Tallis and Moira share a quiet moment. And Tallis returns home to some surprises.

_**Author's Note:**__ As I tried to think of what Michael's "turn" might be, I remembered a moment from my own childhood. I grew up in a small town where the leaves from trees well over 300 years old would "magically" end up in the street where we would collect them into piles we could jump into. Or the girls would make them into houses where we could … well … play house. Thus was born Michael's turn…_

CHAPTER TEN

It was behind the small barn just beyond the back door of the cottage. Small and unobtrusive at first - it was just debris blown about, coming to rest against the immovable building. Over the weeks small and unobtrusive had slowly grown into something that could not be missed or mistaken for either. The mistress of the house had discovered the pile one afternoon and asked that it be cleared away. Soon thereafter a ship's tarp had appeared to cover the pile. The mistress had sighed and reminded the man of the house that it needed to cleared away. That reminder only made the pile grow longer. Another request to those about her that it be cleared away caused the pile to grow higher and a larger tarp to appear. Years of marriage had taught the mistress of the cottage that there were battles that she would never win and she knew when to surrender. The pile stayed and thrived protected by the tarp – a mystery that would perhaps never be solved.

Much like the mystery that existed within the walls of her cottage. It had been another battle in which she had chosen the course of silent surrender in the face of a door that could not be breached. She had heard the laughter from behind that door. She had seen the amount of paper and pencils that had disappeared from the desk in the great room. She had also watched as the bonds of a normal family were rediscovered and strengthened. She had delighted from afar in the joy found amongst the men in her life as they had pointedly excluded her from secrets shared. It was a strange comfort to know that they would be able to go on without her. And go on without her they had, as they stood before the pile of Nature's remains carefully collected and placed behind their small barn.

"Now what, Papa?" Gabriel wondered.

Erik stood with the folded tarp in his hands, his head tilting slightly in answer before turning to the child at his other side. "Michael?"

"My turn! My turn! My turn!" Michael reminded father and brother. "I build house for Mama!"

"We have to have a music room," Gabriel said.

Michael nodded.

"Do you remember all the drawings we did of the house you wanted to make for Mama?" Erik asked.

Michael wrapped a chubby hand around a piece of Erik's pant leg. "We make pretty pictures, Papa." He smiled trustingly up at his father. "You and me and pictures for Mama."

Erik thought his heart would break as he looked down at the innocence that he had helped to create. The outward child was his but the inner child, the person that Michael would someday be, was all his mother's doing. That belief in him, the trust, the gray eyes that looked like the first stars of evening, the unwavering love – they were all Tallis. Erik thanked God for it even as a small bit of paternal pride swelled at the intelligence and love of creation he could see blossoming in Michael – that was his gift to the child. "They were very good pictures," he acknowledged, "and now we must take those pictures and make them into a house for Mama. Where are the pictures, Michael?"

Gabriel knew where they were. "They are inside in our bedroom, under his bed." He grinned. "We hid them there from Mama because she can't bend down to clean under the beds anymore. I will go and get them." He ran around the side of the barn.

Putting the tarp down on the ground, Erik looked about him at open lawns that faded away into the harshness of the moors. "Where would you like to put your house?" He knew he would need to let Michael make the decision but decided to guide the child's thoughts. "Do you think Mama would like her house out by the moors?"

"No," Michael shook his head most emphatically and pointed toward the green expanse between the cottage and the back garden of Trevinny. "Mama likes grass. Over there, Papa!"

"Very wise," Erik said with a solemn nod of his head.

"Here are the pictures!" Gabriel called out as he ran up. He handed the papers to his father and Erik led his sons over to the pile of sticks and stones, finding a good-sized stone upon which to perch.

"Now, then," Erik began as his sons leaned over his legs, watching as Erik went through the papers he held in his lap, "which one of these houses should we make for Mama?"

Each picture was an outpouring from the creativity of Michael's mind. From the moment tiny hands could grasp and hold, he had been putting things together and next to each other and on top of each other. His parents had encouraged his actions by buying blocks for play inside and collecting smooth stones from the beach for play outside. Erik had seen in the child his love of building and design. In more paternal moments, he struggled to find a way to fulfill through his child all the dreams he had lost. Those dreams were now the brightly colored pictures in his lap. Erik had listened as Michael described the house he wanted to build for his mother and the new baby and placed those visions on paper and with Gabriel they had colored in the pictures.

"This one," Michael said as a hand reached out to stop Erik's turning of sheets.

"That's a very grand house," Erik replied solemnly. "We shall have to work very hard to have it finished before Mama comes back."

Michael lifted his face to his father. "I work hard." He grabbed Erik's hand. "Go now!"

Erik rose to his feet, keeping the sketch Michael had chosen in his hand and placing the rest down on the rock, a smaller rock over them to prevent scattering across the lawns. He turned to Gabriel. "Let us begin."

"I get a music room," Gabriel grumped.

"Pretty music for Mama and baby," Michael told him.

"We will have music and fine furniture and delicious food," Erik said as he picked up some sticks and handed them to Gabriel, "but we must build the house first." He placed two very small rocks into Michael's outstretched hands. "Shall we?"

Father and sons began to disassemble the chaos of the pile. The movement of each stone and stick diminished the debris that Tallis had wanted cleared away as the shape of a floor plan grew on the back lawn. The boys gleefully threw themselves into their work, their laughter carrying across the open expanses. They raced back and forth from barn to building site, each trying to carry more than the other. They would quickly put down what they carried and run back to get more, their father – ever the perfectionist – straightening the mess they left behind. Erik carried the heavier objects and let the boys think they helped by walking beside him, their hands on the object. Occasionally they would stop and consult the drawing Michael had chosen, making sure that Michael's vision was fully realized. Finally, as the sun shone directly overhead, the hours of work drew to a close.

"What do you think?" Erik wondered as he stood in the doorway of the four-room "house". "Do you think Mama will like it?"

"Is the best!" Michael declared, slipping his hand into Erik's.

"I have a music room. I have a music room," Gabriel said as he danced around the perimeter of his room. He stopped and looked at his father. "And after Mama has dinner we can come in here just like they do at the big house and listen to music."

A warm smile lit Erik's face. "It really is the best." He looked down as Michael shook his hand.

"Hungry."

"You have both worked very hard this morning," he said and nodded to Gabriel. "We all have. I think we have earned a hearty lunch and then – perhaps – a nap for you both."

"Not tired. Hungry!" Michael repeated.

"I am not a baby and I do not need a nap," Gabriel added.

Two hours later as his children slept peacefully, Erik moved the spare table and chairs from the barn into Michael's "house." He also found a forgotten bench in the barn and placed it in Gabriel's music room. He paused to study what had been created and wondered when he had gone from designing great operas to creating houses from sticks and stones. He laughed to himself for he knew precisely when it had happened. – it happened the moment he danced in a moonlit garden with a girl who had the stars in her eyes. Erik turned back to the house, checking on his sons before going to his music room. He unlocked a cabinet and rested a hand on the violin case inside. He still had trouble understanding how she had known to rescue his music the night she had rescued him. Erik mentally kicked himself; Tallis had always known that the music was tied to his every breath, every heartbeat. Would he always have these dark moments where he thought less of his wife than she had ever thought of him?

"Damn Phantom," he mumbled as he closed the cabinet.

Tonight he was determined that there would be no Phantom. Tonight there would be nothing but the stars, laughter and music. Tonight there would be music.

The coming night was the furthest thing from Tallis' mind as she sat on a bench beneath a tree, her cousin at her side. They sat in the park facing the harbor, watching as the first boats of the fishing fleet approached from the distant horizon. Tallis had her legs extended before her, ankles peaking out from the hem of her skirt. She knocked her feet together and laughed softly. "Soon I will not even be able to see my feet when I do this."

Moira reached up a hand to smooth back hair blowing in a stray summer breeze. "Do you ever wonder if our feet disappear as our child grows?" She turned to smile at Tallis. "As you say, we can no longer see them."

"No, they are still there. They hurt often enough." Tallis drew her feet back to their proper place beneath her skirt. "But Erik is very good at rubbing away their ache."

"I really do believe the man loves you. I know that he worries over you."

Tallis' eyes narrowed. "What did he say to you this morning? Did he make foolish demands that he knew you would never be able to keep?"

"Did you agree to have your child in a hospital?" Moira wondered in response; she received no answer. "No, your Erik did not ask anything of me but to have a care for you. I promised I would. Which someone must do since you do not seem inclined to have a care for yourself."

"I am having a care for myself!"

"Truly? Then why are you insisting on having this child at home? Everyone is saying that hospitals are safer, that they will be the way of the future."

Tallis frowned. "Just who is everyone? I should like to know this for this everyone does not know me. I have had both my children at my home where I can be in a comfort quite pleasant…"

Moira broke into laughter quickly hidden behind a raised hand.

"What?" Tallis was feeling rather put out.

"Why is it that the moment you become very angry you do tend to become so very French? Your English begins to fail and your accent becomes very pronounced." Moira got her giggles under control. "I fully expect you to begin saying things very rapidly and in a foreign language that I will not understand but I will be certain are not meant to put me in a comfort quite pleasant."

Tallis was silent for moment as she stared at Moira before both women broke into laughter, Tallis slipping her arm through Moira's. "I am sorry but I am French and the passion is in my blood. When my blood races, I can not help but go back to that with which I am most familiar and comfortable."

"Like having your children at home?"

"Yes." Tallis turned her gaze back to the harbor. "I know that everyone worries but what is meant to happen will." A smile curled her lips. "I am French, after all, and that means I am a – Erik calls it a fatalist." The smile disappeared. "I have done all I can to make sure that I will be well and I shall continue to do so. The doctor said today that he will bring the things that will be necessary should I need a transfusion." She was silent for a moment. "That frightens me nearly more than anything else. I cannot imagine taking the blood of one person and giving it to another. It is like those horror stories that Erik will tell the boys – so ghoulish." Tallis shuddered. "It is almost like drinking the blood; the thought turns my stomach."

"We can have none of that!" Moira exclaimed, touching her head to Tallis' shoulder for a moment. "I shall be there, you know and if you need blood, I am going to insist that you use mine."

"Thank you." Tallis turned to look at her. "Should it come to that you shall have to fight off my husband for that privilege – if you can call it such."

"He cannot be in the room when you have this child and I can so I shall be able to lock him out."

"You will not only have to lock him out of the room, you shall have to put him in another room, tied to a chair and ensure that door is locked as well!" Both women laughed as the first small boat made its way into the harbor. Tallis looked down at the watch pinned to her breast. "We should begin walking back to the stables. John is an excellent driver but it is still a way back to Trevinny."

Moira rose to her feet, hands extended to help Tallis to hers. "Do not forget that you promised to bring back presents for the boys."

"I have not forgotten. We can stop at the mercantile on the way to the stables. There is a whole set of soldiers on horseback that I know the boys were looking at the last time – it is something that they can play together. Perhaps I can get some more paper for Erik while I am there. He and the boys have been going through so much of it lately."

"What are they doing?"

Tallis shook her head. "I do not know and they will not tell me. All I know is that once they go behind the closed door of Erik's music room, I am forbidden entrance." She smiled slightly. "And I am so happy that I am. Erik is being a father again to the boys and it is a balm to my soul."

"Mmm," Moira hummed. "I think it will be a comfort to your parents as well."

"Ah…"

Knowledge dawned in Moira's brain. "Erik does not know that your parents are coming, does he?"

"We have spoken of it," Tallis began hesitantly, "but I think he has forgotten. He knows that they wished to come for a visit but that was before he even knew I was with child. There have been letters since but his mind has been elsewhere and I do not think he has heard me when I read them. When I speak of the guests at the great house, I believe he thinks it is members of Serge's family – not ours. I am going to have remind him soon for they are due shortly."

"Then you should tell him very soon because you know he does not like surprises to intrude upon the sanctuary he has created at the cottage."

Tallis stopped short. "You know my husband so well?"

Moira nodded. "Yes, because I know you so well."

"I am very grateful you do!" Tallis slipped her arm through Moira's once again. "You and Joseph have made our move to England so easy. I do not think I would have been able to survive Erik's moods had it not been for you to listen to me. I am so thankful for that."

"It is what families do," came the simple reply.

As Tallis walked down the path beside the cliff, a bag of presents at her side, she wondered what her family had been doing that day. While pleased that Erik was once again finding his way from darkness to share the light with her and the children, she was all too aware of how easy it would be for him to slip back into old ways. It would take only one wrong word from the children, one unconscious grimace from her and Erik would disappear into the Phantom. She granted that he would never show the frightening face of his darkness to the children but she would see it. She had seen it before and Tallis was certain she would see it again. There would never be a day when he would be totally free of his past and she had accepted that the day she had accepted him in marriage. She only hoped that this day had seen Erik living in the cottage and not the Phantom brooding in the music room. Her thoughts led her to the door of that cottage and Tallis placed her hand on the latch, ready to open the door when it opened before her.

"Gabriel?" she asked.

Gabriel stepped aside, bowing his mother home. "Please to come in, Madame, and take a seat. You must be tired after walking from the carriage house." He smiled as he closed the door, proud that he had remembered the words his father told him to say.

Tallis was slightly confused but looked down as something tugged on her skirts. "Michael?"

Michael held out his hands. "Me take, Mama."

Her confusion was growing. "Can you carry the bag?"

"I big boy," Michael declared, his hands opening and closing.

Tallis handed the bag to Michael and watched as his brother guided him to place the bag on a nearby table. The children turned from the table without looking into the bag for the promised presents and her confusion overwhelmed her. "What is going on?"

Erik had been watching his sons from behind a corner, terribly proud that they had remembered his coaching. Now he entered the room, moving to his wife's side, taking her hands and raising them to his lips. "Gentlemen do always welcome home the lady of the house."

"Erik," Tallis sighed with a shake of her head, turning into the hand placed against her cheek.

"Is it well?" he asked softly so that the children could not hear. "Good," he sighed in response to Tallis' nod and raised his voice. "You look a bit tired. Would you like to rest before dinner?"

"You remembered to make dinner?"

It was Erik's turn to nod. "And it is going to be special, indeed."

"Very special," Gabriel echoed.

"Special," Michael giggled as he placed his hands over his mouth.

"Will someone please tell me what is happening here!"

Erik nodded slightly at his sons and they came over to take their mother's hands. "These fine young men will escort you to your favorite chair where you shall rest until they come to fetch you for dinner."

"But…"

"No," Erik was adamant. "You are to rest from the exertions of this day and one of us will come to escort you to dinner."

Tallis sighed; it was another battle she was not going to win. "I am a bit tired," she had to admit and smiled down at her boys. "Come and see me safely to my favorite chair." She allowed Gabriel and Michael to walk her to the bedroom where they waited until she was settled into the rocker. They placed a light blanket over her legs and kisses on her cheeks before disappearing out the door.

"Wait for us, Mama," Gabriel said, a worried look on his face.

"Wait, Mama," Michael added.

"I shall wait," Tallis said around a yawn, her eyes already beginning to close only to open them to the feeling of a familiar hand on her shoulder. "What?" she asked sleepily.

"It is time to awaken for dinner," Erik replied.

Tallis turned to look at him, her eyes slightly crossed. "But I just fell asleep."

"Nearly two hours ago, Madame Sleepyhead," he told her and held out his hands. "Let me help you to your feet. The boys are waiting for us."

Tallis allowed Erik to help her up. "What is going on?" she asked again as Erik took her arm and patted her hand.

"Shortly," Erik told her as they walked from their bedroom. He guided her toward the back door.

"Where is dinner?" Tallis wondered as she took note of the empty kitchen table, "and where are my children?"

Erik grinned as he held the door open for her, following her as she stepped into the back garden. "If you would turn to your right."

Tallis turned and her mouth fell open. There, on the green lawn, were rocks and sticks arranged to resemble tiny fences, reminding her of the fields of her youth. A puzzled look crossed her face as she took note of Gabriel and Michael waiting by the rocks and the table, chairs and bench behind them. Upon that table Tallis saw place settings from the great house. She shook her head in bewildered confusion and let Erik walk her toward her mysterious surprise. She could not help but smile as she saw the huge grins on the children's faces.

"You must knock," Erik said as they stopped.

The smell of food drifted from beneath the silver covers over the place settings, reminding Tallis that she had not eaten for hours. She looked at Gabriel and Michael on the other side of the small stone wall, they were bouncing on their toes and looking at her with eager anticipation. Tallis laughed softly. "Very well," she raised her hand. "Knock, knock."

Michael skipped forward. "Come my house, Mama!"

Tallis was desperately confused and turned to Erik.

"Let us have dinner with the architect," he smiled at Michael, "of this fine residence and I shall tell you everything." His smile turned to Tallis. "Then after dinner, there is a final surprise awaiting you."

Michael could not wait for dinner. "I made house for you and me and Gabriel and baby and Papa!" he announced and reached for his mother's hand. "Dinner at my house, Mama!"

"It is a very fine house," Tallis said, leaning over to kiss Michael before entering. She and Erik followed the boys to where a table and four chairs were waiting. Tallis found herself seated by her eldest child and offered Gabriel a kiss as well. The aromas wafting from beneath the plate covers were making her mouth water. "Something smells wonderful."

"Madame," Erik said and with a great flourish, lifted her cover to reveal chicken and late spring vegetables. More flourishes revealed the same on everyone's plates. He took a seat across from her. "Does this meet with your approval?"

"Oh, yes!" Tallis enthused as she reached for her children's hands. "Let us say the blessing first," she said as she bowed her head but not before seeing Erik take the children's free hands and bow his head also.

Dinner was a joyous occasion as Tallis sat entranced by the words that flowed so enthusiastically from husband and sons. She was stunned to learn that Erik had been teaching his children behind the closed door of the music room. She laughed with delight as Michael talked so fast that he stumbled over his words and nearly forgot to eat. She had turned to Gabriel to find out what Erik had taught him but Gabriel blushed and would not meet her eyes. Tallis turned back to Erik to see him placing his napkin upon the table.

"There is one last surprise," he said and nodded toward Gabriel as they both rose to their feet. Erik turned his attention to Michael. "Take your mother into the music room and show her the pictures until we return." He turned back to Gabriel. "Help your mother."

Gabriel went behind his mother's chair and with some help from Tallis, he pulled her chair out, offering her his small hand. "The surprise is for the baby, too."

"I cannot wait!" Tallis assured him and took Michael's hand, watching as Erik and Gabriel walked back to the cottage. She let Michael lead her to where the bench sat upon the lawn and helped him to climb up beside her. Michael reached for the papers beneath a rock and held them out to her. Tallis took them and began to look at each picture as Michael described the imaginings that had come from his mind. Tallis was rather amazed and very proud at the workings of his young mind and reached an arm around him, hugging Michael to her side. She was just placing the pictures on the bench when Erik and Gabriel reappeared and once again a stunned look crossed her face.

Gabriel carried the stand normally found in his father's music room and carefully held in Erik's hands were his violin and a leather pouch. Gabriel set the music stand down and turned to face his mother, remembering the words his father had told him to say. "Much like they do at Trevinny, we are going to have music after dinner."

Erik stepped to his son's side, placing his free hand on Gabriel's shoulder. "This is your son's very first recital."

The look on Tallis' face softened. "Gabriel…"

Gabriel could not contain himself. "I wrote a lullaby for you and the baby!" he declared and looked up at his father, the light in his eyes glowing. "Papa helped me and he is going to play it for you and I am going to direct him."

Both hands flew to over her mouth and Tallis looked in wonder at husband and son. "I cannot wait," she whispered as she lowered her hands, one hand going over the child she carried. "We cannot wait."

"My son," Erik said and waved Gabriel to the front of the stand while he went behind it. He lifted the violin to his chin and ran the bow over it, testing pitch. Erik looked briefly at Tallis, Michael curled into her side, and smiled before turning his attention to Gabriel. He glanced briefly at the music on the stand, having already memorized the simple melody, and nodded solemnly at his son. Erik watched Gabriel swallow nervously as he lifted his arms and a connection was made as Gabriel's arms came down and the first gentle notes drifted from Erik's violin.

Born from the heart of a future maestro and coaxed forth from the hands of master, the music wove its spell around all those present that night. It tripped from the violin to dance lightly along the ground and float into the summer twilight. The soft notes worked their magic upon the youngest audience members and Michael yawned, eyes slowly closing as he snuggled deeper into his mother's side. Tallis sat enraptured, a single hand rubbing circles over the slow movements of the gift's recipient. She could not find words or thoughts to describe what she felt as she watched Gabriel's hesitant beginning slowly grow with confidence as tables were turned and he directed his father. She was proud of him, of what he had accomplished. Tallis was proud of what both her children had accomplished but she could not find the words for what she felt for Gabriel at that moment so she lifted her eyes to the sky and let his music wash over her.

The music was washing over Erik, as well. He could feel it moving through him, stirring his soul, beating his heart. He opened his eyes to look at Gabriel and he nearly faltered. In Gabriel's confident stance, in the concentration on his face and the delight in his eyes, Erik saw the promise of all he had never been. He saw the sheer love of music and the rapture it could bring. For a brief moment, his eyes closed again, and Erik felt the gentle reverberation of the violin move through his body, mixing with the pride he felt at what his sons had done. They would see their dreams come true and – at that moment - Erik thought he could fly on the wings of his own fulfilled dreams. He opened his eyes and sought out the one person who had made all of his dreams possible.

Erik smiled at Tallis, noting the tears in her eyes, the child at her side drifting off to sleep. He glanced once again at the maestro before him and closed his eyes, continuing to play to the evening stars that lived within the walls of house and heart.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Summary:** Simple misunderstandings about money and family bring about confessions torn from the deepest part of souls.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

He looked at the figures. He thought. He picked up the pen and scratched the nub across the paper, stopping to study his sums. He turned his attention back to the ledger on the desk before him, once again adding the numbers in his head. A long moment of still silence was followed by the release of a long angry breath – something was wrong. These numbers just could not be correct! Fingers resting on the desktop began to curl. What did she think was doing? Did she think she could keep this from him? Had she not learned that he would eventually discover everything that went on about him? Erik picked up the ledger, rose to his feet and stormed out of his music room. Quick strides brought him to the end of the hall and he stopped, shaking at his head at the sight before him.

The rain had forced Gabriel and Michael to spend the day playing indoors and they had turned the great room into a battlefield. More toy soldiers than Erik knew existed were scattered about every free surface from one end of the room to the other. Ranks and ranks of cavalry fought across the floor while officers observed from the safe heights of tables. Men with rifles occupied the chairs, ready to fire with impunity upon the enemy and two generals met in the midst, playing out great battles of imaginary creatures.

"Careful, Papa," Gabriel warned as Erik began to make his way across the room. "Michael's dragons are about to attack."

A horse solider swooped around, guided by Michael's hand. "Dragons mean."

"Pray hold off on the attack for a moment," Erik asked. "Where is your mother?"

"In the baby's room," Gabriel said as he picked up a rifle soldier. "My knight will protect you but you need to hurry."

"I am hurrying," Erik said as he carefully negotiated the maze of the battlefield and walked down the hallway to the bedrooms. He paused at the door to the nursery as the sounds of war raged behind him. A small smile passed his lips as he listened to his children at play but quickly disappeared as he turned his attention to the woman sitting in the room. "Tallis…" he said from the doorway, trying to get her attention without startling her.

"One moment," Tallis replied as she concentrated on pulling a needle through the small blanket she held in her hands. "I just want to finish this repair." She frowned slightly. "It is amazing how many tears a baby can put into a blanket. It is almost as if they gnaw it with their gums until they gnaw through."

Erik took a step into the room, the ledger tapping against his leg. "We need to speak…"

"You have said. Just give me one moment to tie this off." Tallis deftly tied the thread, breaking it with her teeth and placing the needle into a cushion on the table beside her. She placed the blanket in the basket at her feet and leaned back in the low, wide chair. "I had forgotten how comfortable this nursing chair can be. They should make every chair this comfortable." She sighed and turned her attention to her husband. "What would you like to speak about?"

"This," Erik said as he waved the ledger before him.

"Is that not the household accounts?" Tallis wondered and turned her head, closing her eyes. "You need not worry; there is nothing wrong with them."

"There most certainly is something wrong with them!" Erik exclaimed and walked to his wife's side, taking her hands and placing the open book in them. He pointed at the final sum on the open page. "That is what is wrong! That is too much money!"

Tallis blinked at the book in her hands, turned her head and smiled up at Erik. "No. That is the correct amount."

Erik huffed angrily. "Have you gone daft?" He began to pace. "I have not sold a piece of music in almost six months. You will be relinquishing your duties at the great house for the next months. There will be no money and we shall become destitute and end up in debtor's prison because you totaled the numbers wrong!" Tallis' laughter infuriated her husband further. "I cannot afford to worry about your life and money at the same moment! This is serious!"

Tallis raised a hand to her lips as she got her laughter under control, lowering it to pat the edge of her chair. "Do come and sit for a moment." She watched Erik continue to pace. "Erik, please, come and sit with me." She took his hand as he sat. "I wonder which one of us is being daft." Tallis smiled at the look upon her husband's face. "Have you forgotten that I am paid for my duties whether or not I am actually at Trevinny? I was paid when I had Gabriel and I was paid when Michael was born. I am still responsible for managing the home whether or not I have a child at my breast."

A bit of the anger fled Erik's countenance. "I had forgotten," he admitted with reluctance and pointed at the open book on Tallis' lap, "but that still does not explain this figure!"

"I have good people about me," she began, "and I have seen to it you have good people about you, as well." She smiled at the confusion on her husband's face. "The money Serge pays me, that you earn for the music he sells on the continent," Tallis voice lowered, "the money we took with us when we fled France, has all been carefully invested with our banker under the guidance of our solicitor. They were recommended to oversee the estate affairs for Serge and what I did not learn from Antoinette, I learned from them. They are both decent, honest men who are only too happy to help out the nice young woman with the eccentric husband." She grinned as Erik rolled his eyes and her look softened. "You have good people about you, Erik, whether or not you are aware of such. I made sure of it and, because we live simply, you need never worry over money." The sound of children at play drifted in from the great room. "Nor will our children ever want for anything. We will be able to send them to university should that moment come. Perhaps someday there will even be enough money to buy a house as grand as Trevinny."

"I do not want any home other than this," Erik said, his tone soft but adamant.

"Your sanctuary."

Erik shook his head. "No." He turned his gaze away from his wife. "This is the only real home I have ever had. The only family I have ever known. You will think me more foolish than you all ready do but I worry that should I move away from this house, that feeling of home and family, that feeling of belonging to someplace, of being wanted by someone will disappear and I will never find it again. I would die were that to happen." He was silent in thought for a moment and turned back to Tallis. "Yes, you are right – that makes this my sanctuary and I'll not give it up without a fight."

Tallis sighed. "You do not need to fight for you are going nowhere."

"Neither are you!"

"Erik…"

Erik patted the hand holding to his. "I am not going to say the words I know you are tired of hearing but – tell me – how did a simple talk about money turn into a talk of home and family?"

"Because nothing with you is ever simple."

A truly delighted laugh escaped Erik's lips. "You know me so well!"

"And you were shouting," Tallis added.

"I was not shouting. I had my voice raised," Erik quibbled.

"You were shouting," Tallis corrected as she leaned back in the chair, "that does not make it simple." Her eyes narrowed as she took note of the look on Erik's face. "Do not argue with me."

"I was not going to argue."

"Yes, you were and it does so put me out when you … you…" Tallis struggled to find the word she wanted.

"Contradict?" Erik wondered, a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

Tallis was not going to let him win this one. "When you argue with me." She said, returning his smirk and her look grew serious. "Besides, there is something I need to tell you."

Erik began to rise to his feet. "I do not wish to hear this."

"You will sit here and you will listen," Tallis said as she tightened her grip on his hand. "It is not anything bad or horrid." He squirmed in her grasp. "Erik! Sit still or I shall be forced to paddle your bottom as if you were one of the boys!"

He grew still and whispered, "Do not make an offer, Madame, which you are not prepared to honor." Erik gently pried his wife's hand from his and draped his arm about her shoulders. "I am listening."

Tallis drew a deep breath and let it out slowly – she had to tell him and she had to tell him now. "Do you remember the letters from my parents?"

Erik nodded. "They come quite frequently."

"Do you remember my saying they were coming for a visit…"

"Vaguely." A hand ran across his forehead. "Months ago."

Tallis knew that gesture; Erik was trying desperately to ignore that which would not be ignored - the world about him. It did not bode well. "The guests who will be arriving at Trevinny next week are my parents. They will be here until after the baby is born." She closed her eyes and waited for the explosion.

An explosion that never came.

"Erik?" she wondered as she peeked at him from beneath her lashes. He was sitting still and quiet at her side. Tallis opened her eyes the rest of the way. "Say something," she pleaded.

Erik took his arm from about her shoulder and folded his hands in his lap and turned to her. "What would you have me say? I am very happy that your parents are coming for I know it will be a great comfort for you to have them here." He rose to his feet and stared down at the pained face looking back at him. "I shall leave you to your mending." He turned on his heel and headed for the door.

"Dammit, Erik!" Tallis hissed from between clenched teeth as she, too, rose to her feet. "Do not walk out that door!" She took two steps after him. "You cannot just leave it like that!" Another two steps and Tallis' eyes grew wide and she let out a little cry of pain as she reached for the child she carried. She was turning for the nursing chair when two strong hands wrapped about her shoulders and helped her to the chair, gently easing her down. Tallis rubbed at the spot where she had been kicked and studied the eyes of the man on his knees before her. "Dammit, Erik," she repeated softly.

"Dammit, Tallis," he echoed back just as softly.

There was an awkward silence as Tallis studied the face of the man before her. She could tell the depth of his anger by the red fury that colored his disfigurement. Over the years of their marriage, as Erik's turbulent emotions grew steady, the scarring that marred his otherwise handsome face seemed to grow less noticeable. It was as if the security that marriage brought to him, the certainty that no matter how he tried her patience Tallis would always be there, all the unconditional love that changed his heart and soul were reflected in his outward appearance. Except for those times when he would allow that last bit of The Phantom that he could not relinquish to take hold. Now was one of those times.

"Tell me what you are feeling," Tallis said softly and reached out for her husband as he turned his head from her. "Erik, please, talk to me."

"You tell me first," Erik countered.

"It was just a sharp kick," Tallis assured him and ventured a tiny smile that quickly disappeared beneath her husband's stern look. "I vow this child is more your child than Gabriel or Michael ever were. The moment you become angry, this child reacts just as angrily. The moment you play music, this child dances in my womb." Her smile returned. "The moment you whisper my name with love, I can feel the flutter of this child as she reaches out to you with that same love."

Erik arched his eyebrow. "She?"

"Only your daughter could be as temperamental as this," Tallis said as she leaned back in the chair, rubbing at her side.

"And am I going to be able to raise this daughter of mine?" Erik's tone was sharp.

"That is a silly question." Tallis' simple answer further fueled her husband's anger.

Erik rose to his feet, staring down at Tallis, gold eyes ablaze. "You have spent these last months threatening to take my children from me if I did not comply with your image of what I should be as father and husband," he began in a deadly serious voice. "I have spent these last months fearing that not only would I lose you and this child but my sons, as well. Now your parents are coming to stay? What would you have me think? You made your decision long ago! You were never going to trust me to raise my children!"

"Our children," Tallis quietly reminded him.

"My children!" Erik shouted.

Tallis flung out a hand toward the main room of the cottage where Gabriel and Michael could be heard at play. "Your children," she hissed. "Lower your voice!"

"I will not allow anyone to take my children from me!" Erik continued his rant, his voice a few octaves lower. "I will kill anyone who gets between me and them!"

"I suppose if I survive the birth of this child, that means you will kill me, as well."

So lost was he in his anger that Erik did not fully hear the words his wife said. "If needs be."

Tallis sat up a bit straighter. "So, my Erik, my beloved Beast, would allow the Phantom to kill me?"

"I am not The Phantom!" Erik growled, his face aflame. "And if you ever…" Tallis words finally reached through his anger and all the color drained from his face. Erik's lips moved as emotions and words both failed him in the face of the strangely calm woman before him. Erik felt his legs tremble before they gave out and he was once again on his knees. "Tallis," the one word escaped his lips before he rested his head against her swollen belly, his shoulders beginning to shake.

Tallis bent over and kissed the top of her husband's head. "Oh, Erik," she sighed, "why do you do these things to yourself? To us?" A response was mumbled to the baby. Tallis placed her hands on either side of Erik's head and lifted it so she could look at him. "What?"

"I am losing everything," Erik said, his voice soft. "Your parents are coming and I will lose you and they will take the children back to France and everything will be gone." His eyelids closed. "Gone, gone, gone. Everything will be gone."

Unsure of whether to laugh or cry, Tallis chose to kiss her husband again. The touch of her lips upon his scars, caused Erik's eyes to open. "So many years of marriage and you still know so little of me," Tallis began. "You know my parents come for a visit every year. This year it is especially important for me to have my mother at my side." A blush crept up her cheeks. "I am still a frightened little girl in so many ways. I want to have my mother to hold my hand. I want her to hold me and promise me that everything is going to be fine. I want her to dry my tears. I want…"

"I thought I was supposed to do that." The hurt welled in Erik's eyes.

"You are. You do. But… but…" Tallis stuttered. "I am sorry – I will always be sorry – that you never had your mother's love so you could understand what I am feeling." She bit her bottom lip as she thought. "It is like … like … when Gabriel and Michael were very tiny babes and you would get so frustrated when they would cry and cry and you could not calm them. Yet the moment they were in my arms, they were soothed."

"I… I…" Erik drew a deep breath. "I am soothed in your arms."

"And that is how I feel when I am in my mother's arms," Tallis insisted. "No matter how old we grow there is nothing like the love of a mother to chase away the demons…"

"Even this demon?" Erik wondered.

"Most especially this demon."

"I can never be everything to you," Erik said with a sad sigh.

"And I can never take Christine's place in your heart but I have learned that such a thing is not as frightening as I once imagined it would be." Tallis laid a hand upon her husband's chest. "You have a heart that is big enough to love her and to love me and our children." She took one of his hands and placed it upon her chest. "Just as I have a heart that is big enough to love you and the children and my family." There was silence from Erik and Tallis shook her head. "Erik, my parents are coming to see me, to see you – to see all of us – through the birth of this child. They will stay until our baby is born and then – should the worst happen – they will honor whatever decision you make. If you wish them to take the children back to France or if you just want them to go and leave you and our children here, they shall do it. Whatever happens, my parents will be here and we shall see this through as a family." She smiled upon the man with the curious look upon his face. "That is what families do, you understand – they see each other through the trying times so that they can revel in the joyous times together. You have a family now and you need to love them and to let them love you."

"I am… I am…" Erik began and turned his head away, the flames returning to his face. This time the hotness he felt was not born of anger but born of shame. How could he face the woman who held him so tenderly and say what was in his heart? How could he not? He turned back to Tallis, the words all ready pouring forth. "I am a very selfish man and I do not wish to share that which has come to me at such a dear price." He kept his hand on his wife's heart. "I am all too aware of what you gave up when you fell in love with me, when you pulled me from my own personal hell." He snorted. "As you continue to pull me from that hell. I know you miss France, Antoinette … your parents. I know Moira and Joseph and their children cannot take the place of the family you left behind. I know the boys and I cannot take their place. I also know there is a special place in your heart for us but I hate sharing you – even with our children. I waited all my life for someone like you – someone who would see that man who lives so deep within me that sometimes even I cannot find him. You somehow manage to see the best in me and – yet - such a thing brings out the worst in me." Erik shook his head. "I find I do not understand how that could be. My heart and my mind are in a constant battle where you are concerned. In the same moment, your arms are the only place where I am truly at peace. It is a great paradox…" He could not help but smile slightly at the look of confusion passing over his wife's face. "A contradiction." Erik ran a finger down Tallis' cheek. "It is a great confusion like I am to you. How can I be so willing to love you and yet so greedy as to want you all to myself? Is love not meant to share? Have I not learned anything? Am I forever doomed to be a spoilt child? Will I never rid myself of The Phantom and be that man you see?" The next admission cost him dearly. "And why – in my darkest moments – do I hate this child you carry? Only a monster could hate the innocent." He hung his head. "I am truly a beast." Instead of the angry retort he expected, Erik found two cool hands closing about the back of his neck, pulling his head forward to rest against the child he professed to hate.

"If I thought for a single moment that you hated this child, I would not be here," Tallis assured him as she grew silent, gathering her own thoughts about her. She knew the words her husband had just spoken came at a great cost. He was a proud man whose better nature was in a constant battle with the darker elements of his being and for him to admit such aloud to her moved Tallis' soul to the point of breaking. She had always known this about him but wanted to leave the vulnerable man she married with the remnants of dignity to wrap about him as surety against the world he would never fully understand. "Nor are you as selfish a monster as you imagine yourself to be." She leaned forward and rested her head against his, her voice dropping to a whisper, making the moment theirs alone. "Only a man who loves deeply could openly admit to such fears. Only an honest heart could admit to wanting to hold onto dreams realized. And only a purity of soul…"

A derisive sound slipped unguarded from Erik's mouth. "Purity of soul…" the words followed upon the sound.

"Yes!" Tallis insisted. "Even in your dark soul, there is purity! Only that purity of soul could find the strength to humble itself before the altar of God and offer up all those fears and dreams and love." A single tear fell away. "My family loves you. The children love you. I love you and beyond all that love, God loves you even more. Otherwise why would He bring us together and bless us with Gabriel and Michael and our new baby?" Tallis raised her head as she felt Erik raise his. Certainty stared into indecision, faith into doubt and Tallis could see the moment when love conquered fear.

Her lips trembled as Erik raised one of her hands to his lips, moving it to rest against his cheek. "You are so strong," she continued in that same soft voice. "I am counting on that strength. I need that strength! I may want my family about me in these next weeks but they can never be what you are to me."

"What is that?" Erik wondered, his voice just as soft as hers.

"You are the reason I awake each morning. You are the song that my heart sings. You are the fulfillment of my dreams." Tallis laughed. "Dear God, Erik! You are my life! Even through the darkness of your fears surely you must be able to see such!"

"When I am brave enough to see beyond those fears, yes I do." Erik nodded his head once. "I thought… I never thought… I did not know you needed me as much as I needed you. I have always counted on your strength. I did not realize you counted on me just as much."

"Sometimes you can be such a fool," Tallis replied, "but you are my fool and I love you for it." She raised her eyes to the ceiling, seeing the summer sky beyond the thatched roof. "I love you for all that are not and all that you are." Her eyes lowered again. "I just love you."

Erik knelt before Tallis and words failed him. He could only grab his wife into his embrace, kissing her soundly and burying his face in her neck. He kept his head there, the pulse in her neck beating against his ear, a comforting rhythm that he committed to memory. Erik would have willingly stayed on his knees before his wife for an eternity were it not for the demands that interrupted their moment.

"We are hungry!" Gabriel said from the doorway to the nursery.

"Hungry!" Michael echoed from where he stood next to his brother, his hand tucked safely into Gabriel's.

Erik drew back, sharing in the laughter that bubbled up and over Tallis' lips. He slowly stood, rubbing at knees that protested the change in position. "I shall feed them." He bent over and kissed her. "Stay here and rest. I believe your patience needs to be restored after these last moments. I shall bring your lunch here."

"Can we eat in here with Mama?" Gabriel asked.

"Please?" Michael finished.

Erik turned toward his sons. "Yes," he told them as he reached their sides, taking their hands in his own. "Come. Let us go and prepare lunch."

Tallis watched her small family disappear down the hall.

"And bacon sandwiches." She heard Gabriel's voice.

"Cookies!" came Michael's request.

Tallis could not help but laugh. She grew serious as she leaned back in the nursing chair, her hands closing over her rounded belly. "We may yet survive this," she whispered to her baby and her eyes closed. "Dear God," she prayed, "let us survive this."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Summary:** Erik and Lorraine Ordogne, Tallis' mother, share truths over the kitchen table.

**Author's Note:** "Prise de peste il"_ - the phrase that Erik utters - is French for "Plague take it!" a common British curse. Least, I hope it is - my French is VERY rusty! Ninth grade was a long time ago..._

CHAPTER TWELVE

The arrival of summer upon the doorstep of the Cornish coastline coincided with a change in Erik's perpetually gloomy mood. The days were long, Erik's patience longer. Light ocean mist was burned away by a bright sun that burned away the mist hovering about Erik's heart. Summer breezes ruffled the hair of small boys and their father who played in open fields. Birds sang in trees heavily clothed in green finery, their songs echoed by the music pouring forth from the cottage perched at the ocean's edge. The life of the Earth grew and burst forth even as the child growing within Tallis grew the bulge beneath her gown threatening to overwhelm her.

"Uh," Tallis moaned as she sat down on the edge of the bed she shared with her husband. She leaned forward slightly looking for her feet and sighed sadly when she could not find them.

"Is there a problem?" Erik asked as he entered the room, a steaming cup in his hand.

Tallis looked up at him, a pout on her lips as she held out her legs. "I cannot find my feet anymore."

As Erik took note of his wife's pale face, the purple circles beneath her eyes the darkness pushed forth from deep within his soul. He forcefully willed it back to the depths from whence it had come. A placid face hid the knowledge that Tallis grew more tired with each passing day. He knew she would never let it show before their boys. Only here – within the privacy of their room – did Tallis allow her guard down and Erik did not know whether to laugh or cry when she did. At the moment no such confusion plagued his mind and he could not help but smile at the two feet wiggling before him.

"Take this," he said as he handed the cup to Tallis. "Do you wish to take your shoes off?"

"That would be lovely."

"Drink," Erik ordered as he knelt down, taking one of his wife's feet into his hands. Carefully he untied the laces and slipped the shoe from her foot. He laughed as he watched toes revel in the joy of freedom from stiff leather before bending forward to kiss them. Attention was quickly turned to the other foot and that leather shoe followed its mate to the floor, more rejoicing toes receiving kisses. "Better?" Erik wondered as he raised his head.

"Oh, much," Tallis sighed, her look growing distant. "When my sister and I were children, we would run barefoot about the fields. How I wish I could do that now!" She frowned at her shoes. "They feel like they are two sizes too small." She thought quietly for a moment and turned wide eyes to Erik. "Do not let the boys run around barefoot on the lawns or the beach! They will cut their feet or step on a bee or do something stupid…"

"As you did?" Erik asked as he rose to his feet grinning at the blush that added much needed color to his wife's cheeks.

"Perhaps," Tallis whispered over the rim of her cup.

"Take another sip," Erik urged, knowing there was a powder mixed in with the tea that would allow Tallis a few hours of pain-free sleep.

"Have you resorted to drugs to have your way with me?" Tallis asked around a yawn as Erik took the cup from her hand and placed it on the bedside table.

Erik set several pillows in place and lifted his wife's legs, helping her to recline in a semi-sitting position before easing himself down at her side. "When it is the only way in which you will listen to what your physician wishes then – yes – I shall drug you senseless." He stole a kiss. "Besides, it makes kissing you far easier," and another, "and much more pleasurable." His eyes were twinkling as he drew back. "I do so love it when you cannot argue with me."

Tallis could not help but respond to her husband's efforts; she reached out and ran a finger down the front of his shirt. "I have never argued with your kisses, sir."

"That is true enough," Erik admitted and frowned slightly. "It is all the other things you find to disagree about. All the little annoyances," a single hand reached out to touch the baby as his voice trailed away.

"Erik," Tallis began with a shake of her head.

"No," Erik said with a shake of his own head. "I promised I would cease my beastly behavior and I mean to keep my promise." He bent over and kissed the baby. "I do love you…"

"Even if you an annoying little interloper," Tallis finished for him, a grin on her face. "There is much love in those words, even if you are not aware of such a thing." She yawned, her eyes closing. "Do not let me sleep too long."

Erik watched as Tallis snuggled her head into a pillow and grew still. He reached out a single hand and traced the contour of her face just above the skin. In the first days of their marriage he had often traced the outline of her body while she slept, wondering at the beauty kept hidden beneath so many layers of material, committing its shape to memory afraid the miracle beside him would disappear. Now he no longer needed to memorize his wife's body – he knew every single shadowed curve, every spot that made her squeal in delight and sigh in satisfaction. _No,_ he thought, _now I do this so I will never forget. I need to know for our children._ He drew his hand back and sat still, staring at Tallis and despite his brave words and earnest promises, Erik was unable to completely block out the darkest of his thoughts. _This is what you will look like at rest in your coffin;_ the thought forced its way to the front of his mind.

"Prise de peste il," Erik muttered grimly and stopped short as he realized the curse that had passed his lips. "I did not mean that!" he exclaimed as he turned his head, raising his eyes to the sky beyond the bedroom window. "You know I did not mean that!" His attention returned to the sleeping woman before him. "Do not take her," he pleaded with an unseen Being. "Please do not take her." A single hand reached up to tap against his head. "These dark thoughts. Take these dark thoughts from me." The hand ran back and forth over his forehead, irritating the skin, the redness highlighting pale haunted eyes. "For once, let me be the man she sees. Let me be strong and fearless. Let me be the strength she needs." The hand moved to cover those haunted eyes. "Why do I even ask? Why do You constantly tease me with a faith that is never answered? Why do I insist on believing in some fairy tale created to chase away childish fears?" 

The sound of children's laughter drifted in the open window and Tallis instinctively turned her head toward the sound, a hand going to rest over her baby. Erik sat quiet for another minute before rising to his feet. "They are why," he whispered. "They are my everything. They are my life." He shook his head. "And I no longer wish to hide in the shadows. I no longer wish to herald destruction and trail death in my wake." His eyes closed and hands involuntarily clasped together. "I wish to live like every other man. I wish…" He sighed. "No, I pray to live like every other man. I pray You allow these waking dreams of mine to continue waking. I want… I wish… I pray…" Words failed Erik as his hands unclasped and eyes opened. He smiled upon his sleeping wife and quietly left the room, easing the door closed behind him.

Erik turned toward the open door of his music room and shook his head; he could not feel the music within this day. He found the thought of sharps and flats did not bring the comfort it normally did. He turned and walked toward the front of the cottage. His feet guided him through the great room, brightly lit by the summer sun, smelling clean from the ocean breeze that gently fluttered lacy curtains. He walked into the kitchen his soul seeking the familiarity that only the heart of a home could bring.

"She is finally asleep," he said to the woman with her back to him as he took a seat at the table, placing his head into his hands.

"Good," she said her voice reminiscent of another. She turned around a plate of fresh rolls in her hands. She moved to the table and sat down beside Erik, placing the rolls before him. "Eat," she ordered.

Erik laughed slightly as he raised his head. "That is just what your daughter does when she thinks I am troubled." He looked askance at the rolls. "Does food fix everything that ails one, Lorraine?" He leaned back in his chair and waited for an answer. He did not wonder from where his wife had gotten the simple beauty that had captured his heart.

Lorraine Ordogne was a compact woman in her mid-fifties. Her brown hair was liberally streaked with gray and pulled back in two huge braids coiled at the base of her neck. Tallis had inherited her mother's high cheekbones and broad smile. But the eyes – those eyes that reminded Erik of the night stars – had come from her father, Benoit. "In this family, food is a great cure." Lorraine nodded at the rolls and crossed her arms on the table. She fixed Erik with a stern gaze. "Eat something."

Erik picked up a still warm roll and stared at it.

"That is not eating," Lorraine said. "That is getting ready to play with your food and I did not tell you to do that. I told you to eat."

Erik could not help the snort that slipped away. "Now I know from where Tallis gets her stubborn attitude." He bit into the roll and closed his eyes as the buttery confection melted in his mouth.

"Then I taught my daughter well." Lorraine's stern gaze softened. "I have a feeling she has needed to stand her ground with you from time to time."

"Most of the time," Erik reluctantly admitted. "I fear that I can be far more difficult than Tallis could ever be. I am a great trial to her." Lorraine's laugh surprised him. "What is there to find amusing in my words?"

Lorraine sobered up. "I forget that you did not have a family when you were a young child."

"I had something that passed for a family."

"Aye, true enough," Lorraine admitted, "but it was not a true family and that is a great loss."

"One cannot mourn what one never had."

"But you have it now – a family, I mean. You have created a fine family with my daughter and now I am just waiting for you to say those words I find so amusing to your own children."

Erik was confused. "What words? I do not understand."

"You know how stubborn your wife can be. You should have seen her as a child." Lorraine drifted back into the memories of Tallis as a child. "She was ever a willful little thing, always wanting her own way, always certain she was correct. Even when she was dreaming – and that was quite often, mind – she knew what she wanted and she was never going to let anyone stand in her way." Lorraine pointed at her graying hair. "Every one of these hairs is a worry from one of my children. Most of them are from Tallis."

Erik pointed at his own graying hair. "Then it is a wonder I am not bald from the grief I get from Tallis and the worry over the boys." He finished his roll and sighed. "One day I hope…" Erik corrected himself. "I pray that when our children are parents their children will give them equal amounts of grief and worry so they will understand what it was like for their mother and me."

"Those are the words!" Lorraine reached over and patted Erik's hand. "That is exactly what I told Tallis and her brothers and sister. I prayed that one day they would have children just like they were so they would know what it was like for me." Her head nodded once. "Those are words of a true parent."

"Is that what I am? Sometimes I wonder."

"I do not," Lorraine assured him. "I am certain that Tallis does not otherwise she and the boys would not be here."

The words slipped from Erik's mouth before he could stop them. "You have not heard our disagreements these last months or you would not say such a thing."

Lorraine sat silent for a moment as she studied her daughter's husband. He was not what she would have wished for Tallis but she would never say such a thing aloud to anyone – not even her own husband. She had wanted someone who would settle the girl who always had such dreams and not someone who had even greater dreams. She had wanted someone who would be patient in the face of her child's volatile moods not someone who commanded an equal temper. She had wanted someone with a stable income so that her daughter would not have to work an entire lifetime and raise a family at one and the same time. She had wanted a gentle, handsome man who would treat Tallis as the princess she dreamed of being. Lorraine had wanted the things for her daughter – for all her children – that she had wanted. She wanted them to fulfill their dreams and to do more with their lives than she had done. She did not want them to settle for less. She did not want them to look back on their lives with regret. She did not want them to become her.

But did she look back with regret, Lorraine wondered. She had had her choice of suitors. She, too, had wanted to run away to a distant land with a man who had great dreams. True, the land had been just beyond the border and into Germany. True, the man had not been a known criminal wanted for murder but had he been what she needed … what she deserved? He had left their comfortable market town and had never been heard from again. Would that have been her fate, as well? Would she have just disappeared into the wide world and remained nothing but a memory to those that loved her? Even the thought that her memory would end with the death of the last person to know her chilled Lorraine to the very bone.

No, she did not look back with regret. She had had a choice to make between the unknown and the known, between adventure and complacency and she had made her choice. She had given in to the wishes of her own parents and married Benoit Ordogne. He came from a good family. He was not wealthy but he had a good income and a stable living. He was not a dashing rogue who swept her from her feet and stole kisses during clandestine midnight assignations. No, he was honest and respectful and lived his life according to the rules of God and man. Perhaps he did not set a fire burning in her belly or make her knees weak. Perhaps she did not love him as well as she could have when they exchanged their marriage vows but over the years that had changed. What Lorraine felt for Benoit deepened with each passing day of their lives together. The birth of each of their six children and Benoit's patience in teaching them about life gave Lorraine an understanding to the depth of her husband's heart about which he would never speak. She had grown to love and admire the man she had chosen till she could not picture her life without him. Yet there was always that little niggling voice in the deepest part of her soul that whispered _"What if…"_ and so Lorraine had convinced Benoit to allow their youngest child to follow her dreams. Better to give blessing and remain a part of their daughter's life than to never see her again, she had made the argument and won.

Now as she sat across from the man that Tallis had chosen – this rogue, this criminal, this husband and father – Lorraine was satisfied that she had done right by her youngest child. Erik may not have been the ideal man she had dreamed of when she pictured Tallis married and content in life but he had made her daughter happy. He could match Tallis dream for dream. He could irritate and aggravate her just as well as Tallis could irritate and aggravate him. He could match her strength for strength and weakness for weakness. What he did not know and understand she did and he – in turn – gave her his understanding when she did not know. No, the thought passed Lorraine's mind, this was right. This was the way it was meant to be. Perhaps dreams were not meant to last but Tallis had followed her dreams and caught them. It was more than her mother had done.

"You are correct," Lorraine addressed Erik as she looked outward from her thoughts, "I have not heard the disagreements but I can imagine. I am Tallis' mother. I know my daughter and I tell you again – if you were not the man she saw as she stood before God and took you to her husband, she would have left long ago. What you have learned of life – the horror, the cruelty – is something you could have easily inflicted upon your wife and children. Yet I see no evidence of that. I see a woman who loves you. I see children who are eager to be in your presence and who look up to you."

Erik frowned. "I am not this paragon of virtue you make me out to be." Images of being pushed beyond his emotional limitations flashed through his mind and looked down at his hands. "There have been times when the cruelty nearly won out."

"But it did not, did it?"

Erik shook his head.

Lorraine smiled in satisfaction. "Then you may not be a paragon of virtue but you are a good man. A good man knows when to stop – an evil man does not." She laid her hands atop the table. "I know that Tallis told you about that boy who hit her."

Erik's visage grew dark. "I wanted to kill him for that."

"You were not the only one – her father and brothers were ready to do physical harm to him." She reached out a hand to lay it on Erik's arm. "I am certain that Tallis never told you that the reason we sent her away was because that man was searching for her, did she?"

"No; she did not," Erik replied from between clenched teeth.

"I am certain she did not wish to upset you."

"Than why are you telling me this now?"

Lorraine drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. "That boy was found more than once about the estate after Tallis sent him away. He was in places he should not have been. Benoit even found the window to Tallis' room jimmied one morning. Oh, he did not get in but the thought that he might have and what he might have done had he succeeded frightened us beyond reason. That is why Tallis was sent away."

"I thought that she was hired to be Antoinette's companion?" Erik was confused.

The next words were an admission that Tallis did not know. "What I tell you now, I tell you in confidence. There was another woman – an older woman – that the dowager Baroness wished to send to be companion to her husband's new mother. She had designs that this woman would let her know what her son's wife was doing; she did not approve of the young Baroness."

"I am aware of such but what does that have to do with Tallis?"

"My husband appealed to the Baron after we found the window jimmied. He only wished to send Tallis to another of the estates to work. Perhaps one of the estates further south in France or in Germany – anywhere just so that she would be safely away from this boy who threatened her. The Baron, instead, chose to hire her as Madame Giry's companion. He knew that Tallis had always wanted to see Paris, to see the world – he knew this would be her chance. He also knew it would confound his mother's wishes." Lorraine winked at Erik's crooked smile. "He also knew that you were a frequent guest at Madame Giry's and he thought that no one would dare to disturb my daughter with a…"

Erik knew from where Tallis had gotten that charming blush as he watched Lorraine's cheeks redden slightly. "A madman?"

"To be honest – yes," Lorraine replied. "He knew that even the rumor of a madman about would keep my daughter safe."

"This was all planned?" Erik was aghast.

"Not all," came the soft words. "I do not think any of us thought beyond keeping Tallis safe. That she followed her dreams at one and the same time was a gift to her. That she fell in love with you – well – that was certainly not planned." Lorraine searched Erik's eyes for a moment. "I cannot say that I am sorry she did."

"Truly?" came the softer question.

"I would not say it otherwise. All I have ever wanted was for my children – all my children – to find fulfillment and be happy in their lives."

Erik laid a hand over the one that still rested upon his arm. "I want that for our children, as well." He found that hand covered by another.

"And that is what makes you a true father," Lorraine told him. "You want the best for the children Tallis has given you." She smiled at the worried look on Erik's face. "It is also why – should anything untoward happen in these next weeks – Benoit and I will be here to support you and honor any decision you may need to make." The smile disappeared from her face as dark possibilities crossed her mind. "I am praying that should the worst happen and … and…" Lorraine swallowed deeply, "and should either my daughter or her child not survive, you will be the father and guide that my grandsons need. I am praying that you will want them to remain with you."

Erik, too, was somber in the face of the dark cloud that seemed to hang over the cottage by the sea and the lives of all within. "All I have ever wanted is everything I have. That is something I do not admit often. I thought I wanted power and fame and I found them fleeting. It was a knowledge that came at a great price. I found nearly too late that all I have ever wanted is a family to love and to call my own." Now it was his turn to carefully study the face looking at him. Erik found a wisdom and peace in the frown lines about the eyes and the smile lines about the lips. "I could never let them go until…" Storm clouds gathered and Erik knew that speaking them aloud would chase them away for a little while. "I could never let them go until they are ready to go. Then – only then – shall I be happy to see them find their own dreams."

"I am glad to hear that." A sound between a laugh and sigh slipped from Lorraine's lips. "I am relieved to hear it!" She nodded toward the open window and the sound of children and dogs that drifted in. "Those boys need their father."

"As Tallis needs you," Erik said - the last moments of truths admitted and secrets shared giving him a glimpse into why his wife needed the support of someone other than himself.

"You are a good man, Erik, in spite of yourself," Lorraine told him. "You are a good father and you are a good husband. I am glad that my daughter chose you."

Erik was surprised by the hug in which he found himself but gratefully surrendered to it, cherishing the feel of a mother's arms about him. _"Please,"_ the silent prayer went up from his soul, _"do not take this feeling from my children."_

"Thank you," he said aloud. "I shall be eternally grateful that Tallis chose me."


	13. Chapter 13

_**Author's Note:**_ _Thank you for your patience while I update this story. In the last few months I have lost two friends – one of almost twenty years – and had another friend become permanently disabled. Please, everyone, take care of your health! Go for your annual physical, your mammogram, your colonoscopy, your prostate check. If you don't do it for you – do it for the ones you love!_

**Chapter Summary:** Now it is the turn of Tallis' father, Benoit, to share some wisdom with Erik.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

The peaceful quiet that wrapped the cottage by the sea in a sheltering cocoon was shattered by the sound of a slamming door. High-pitched shrieks punctuated by the sound of running feet quickly followed. The noises that disturbed the mid-July afternoon also disturbed Erik. His head turned toward the sounds, the shocking intrusion into his musical thoughts draining the color from his face. Anger greatly improved his pallor as he rose to his feet and moved toward the door to his music room. As he opened the door the sound of more shrieking could be heard echoing down the hallway. Another door slammed just as Erik strode into the great room.

He stared at his wife who was suffering from uncontrollable giggles. "You just took ten years off my life!" he exclaimed to Tallis. "I heard the shrieks and the slams and I thought… I thought…" He barely took note of his mother-in-law who occupied the other chair before the hearth.

"It was the little ones," Lorraine said without looking up from her knitting. "They are chasing each other about." She did not even drop a stitch. "In one door and out the other – just like a barn. Makes one wonder just what is being raised in this house – children or kids," she finished, her soft words slipping past the man and woman caught up in each other's reactions.

Erik was confounded by his wife's continued laughter. "Oh, do stop laughing! It is not that funny!"

Tallis reached down to support her baby, drawing deep breaths. "Your face…" she choked out. "You should have seen your face…" She lost herself in her laughter.

"I am glad I am capable of providing such amusement." Erik's lips twisted in a wry grin.

"Poor darling," Tallis breathed, her giggles finally stopping at the look on her husband's face. She held out her hands, smiling as Erik crossed to her. One last giggle melted away into a soft sigh as the warmth of her husband's lips grazed each hand in turn. "You will always make me laugh."

A raised eyebrow met those words. "Am I to assume this pleases you?"

"Oh, yes," came the answer as the heat rose in Tallis' cheeks.

Erik reached out a single finger to touch that blush. It lifted his heart to see more color returning to his wife's pale complexion with each passing day. These last weeks as Lorraine and Benoit had subtly taken over the running of the cottage, Moira and the staff doing the same at Trevinny, Tallis had found it easier to rest. She slept in late – Erik rising at the first sound from the boys in the morning. Gabriel and Michael found much joy having breakfast in bed with their mother each day, insisting upon helping with little things about the house. Their love and attention returned to Tallis' face the smile that Erik had been missing. He found he breathed much easier as his normally stubborn wife relented in the face of concerned family and friends and allowed herself to relax and be pampered. I_Perhaps/I_ he thought, I_we shall yet survive this./I_ His thoughts were finally interrupted by the words of the woman who had given birth to the person who caused him such anxiety.

Tallis, too, finally heard the words her mother had spoken.

"What?" they chorused as they turned to look at Lorraine.

"Well," Lorraine said as she finally put her knitting needles down, folding her hands in her lap. "I vow – the two of you get within arm's length of the other and the rest of the world could all but disappear and you would not take note." She looked upon daughter and son with an even gaze. "I wondered if you were raising goats or children because the little ones were treating this place as if it were a barn."

"Goats?" Erik asked from between clenched teeth.

Tallis knew that tone of voice and dug her fingernails into the hand she still held. "They are just being children."

"Goats!" Erik returned his attention to his wife.

"I do not recall my children ever cavorting about in such a manner," Lorraine told her daughter.

Erik closed his eyes in pain. "She called my sons 'goats'."

"Then you have a very selective memory, Maman," Tallis said and dug her fingernails in deeper. "We were little hooligans compared to my sons. You were frequently accusing us of being raised in a barn by the cows."

Lorraine picked up her knitting, studying it closely. "I do not recall." Knitting needles resumed clicking together.

"My hand," Erik hissed as he snatched it from his wife's grasp, looking down at his palm, grateful that Tallis' fingernails had not broken the skin. He turned his gaze to his wife. "She called my sons…" Erik paused, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Did you just say you were a hooligan when you were younger?"

Tallis fixed her husband with a wide-eyed innocence. "I do not recall."

"And I am accused of having a selective memory," Erik muttered under his breath as he crossed his arms over his chest. "The next time _my sons_," he emphasized the words, "are accused of being goats, I shall tell them that their mother was a hooligan raised in a barn by cows."

"And I shall tell them that their father lived under the earth and drank sewer water just like a troll." Tallis smiled sweetly.

Erik leaned slightly over his wife. "Their mother was a vixen."

Tallis sat up straighter. "Their father was stubborn mule."

"Minx." A bit closer

"Damn impossible…" Tallis would not get to finish her sentence as Erik closed the gap between them to claim his wife's lips.

"…man," he finished in a whisper against her lips before drawing back, a smile crossing his lips. "I know every single malediction that slips from your oft-times very unguarded tongue."

Tallis looked askance at her husband. "I am not sure what you just said and I am not sure I wish to know but I think I should be angry with you for it."

"And before you can be," Erik stole another kiss, "I believe I shall be both valorous and discrete and leave to find our children and assure myself that they are not turning into little animals or hooligans." He turned smartly on his heel, laughing to himself, knowing and enjoying the confusion he left in his wake.

Lorraine put down her knitting and turned to her daughter. "Is he often like that?"

"Not as often as when we first met." Tallis turned to look at her mother. "He used to take great pleasure in using words that he knew I did not understand. I think he enjoyed feeling superior to me." A wave of sadness passed over her face. "Perhaps that was all he thought he could offer me." The sadness melted away into a soft smile. "Now he knows better." And the smile disappeared with a roll of her eyes. "But he still likes to use words that confuse me just for the sake of doing so. Sometimes I fear I shall never be able to keep up with him or my children."

Lorraine laid a comforting hand on her daughter's arm. "You do not need to keep up with them, Tallis; all you need do is love them. It will be enough."

"Thank you," Tallis said as she returned her mother's gesture. "Is that wisdom…"

"Born of the long years raising my own children and husband." Lorraine laughed. "Do not mistake, my child, that we raise our husbands in addition to raising our children. Your husband just provides a more difficult task than most."

"Even Father?"

"Your father did not need anything from me." The look in Lorraine's eyes grew gentle. "He gave me far more than I deserved. He gave me his wisdom and his love and I was lucky enough to be able to return them in equal measure."

Tallis head turned toward the sound of children playing outside. "Perhaps he can share some of that wisdom with my husband." Her free hand traced circles over the child she carried.

Even as Tallis spoke those words, her husband was approaching the bench left over from Gabriel's outdoor concert for his mother. Benoit sat there keeping a cautious eye on his youngest grandchildren. Gabriel and Michael were screeching with laughter as they raced about the green lawn, Bear and Max jumping and rolling at their heels.

"Is that what all the racket is about?" Erik wondered as he stopped in back of the bench.

"Aye," Benoit replied.

Erik's voice carried on the warm air and his sons turned toward it.

"Papa, Papa!" Michael chortled, little arms waving in the air, desperately seeking Erik's attention.

"I see you, Michael," Erik told him, raising a hand in return.

"Watch us, Papa!" Gabriel added.

"I will," Erik assured him and turned his attention to his wife's father who done nothing more than offer a one word reply in acknowledgement of his presence. "May I?" A single hand waved at the bench.

"Aye."

Erik moved around to sit down next to Benoit. They were silent for several moments, watching as two small boys and two bigger dogs did what boys and dogs had been doing since the start of time. The laughter of children mixed and mingled with the barking of dogs. Wagging tails mirrored the flailing of arms and legs. Gabriel and Michael, Max and Bear continued to run around the expanse of soft grass until they began to weary. The warm earth and carefully manicured lawn provided a comfortable place to sit for a few moments and watch the clouds drift by overhead. Even had his life depended upon it, Erik found he did not have the words to describe the scene of everyday life that played out before him.

"What do you see?" came the question from Benoit, almost as if the man had read his mind.

Startled, Erik turned to look at the man looking back at him. "Pardon?"

Benoit jerked his head in the direction of the boys and dogs. "What do you see?"

Erik directed his attention for a moment toward his sons before turning it back to Benoit. "My sons," he replied.

"No." Benoit shook his head. "I want to know what you _see_."

Erik was perplexed.

"I'll tell you what I see, shall I?" Benoit began and did not wait for an answer and turned to look at his grandchildren. "I see endless possibilities resting on the grass before my eyes. I see children who can face a world where they will be able to do anything they desire. They will have their dreams during the night and see them with their waking eyes. It will not matter from where they come, who their parents are. They will be able to make their own positions in this world." Benoit turned back to Erik. "Unlike you and I."

"What do you know of it?" The words slipped unbidden from Erik's lips and he turned away, unable to face his wife's father. "You had a comfortable life, free to move about in the world. You were free to marry and raise children." His words held a trace of bitterness. "You did not live in the cold and the dark and the shadows."

"There are many different levels of cold just as there are many different shades in the shadows." Benoit replied and turned his attention back toward the children. But he was looking through them, his gaze distant and focused on something Erik could not see. "You were not what I wanted for my youngest child," he began, trusting that his daughter's husband would listen for a change. "Nor do I believe that you would want any daughter you may have to marry one such as you."

There was a definite determined set to Erik's jaw. "I would lock any daughter of mine in a tower were she to be so daft as to marry one such as I."

"Daft as Tallis is," Benoit interjected with a soft chuckle.

There was a brief moment where Erik was taken aback but it quickly passed. "There are moments when she is definitely daft," he had to agree and the determined look gave way to one of resigned sadness. "But should I have a daughter and she had that same daftness it would mean my daughter had her mother's heart. I shall never be able to fault that." Erik studied his feet. "I know that I am not what you wanted for Tallis."

"Just as I was not what my wife wanted when we married," Benoit interrupted before Erik could turn a Phantom's anger on. "But she was born to do as she was told and so was I. The oldest son in my family always followed in the father's footsteps and went into husbandry and land management for the Baron. I did not have a choice and whatever I might have wanted to do was of no consequence. So my marriage was arranged and I know that Lorraine did not love me in spite of the fact that I did love her." He nodded in quiet acknowledgment of the memories. "In that way you are more fortunate than I – you married the woman of your choice…"

Dark eyes lit by the voice of an angel drifted across the eye of Erik's mind. "Did I?"

"…and she loved you back."

"Or did she marry me?"

"You will never know what it is like to feel as if you are bedding an unwilling partner."

"Why does she stay with one such as I?"

"Why has she never left me for what she truly wanted?"

Whispered words of private thoughts slipping unbidden from their lips and into the ears of the other caused both men to grow silent. They hazarded sideways glances at each other before turning their attention back to the children and dogs who watched the clouds drift by overhead. As the moments ticked by and the realization of what they had said began to creep beyond the veil of hurt feelings kept locked away, the silence grew ever more awkward. It was Erik who finally broke the heavy stillness.

"We were both fortunate in the woman who came to love us," he said softly.

"Aye," came the one word reply from Benoit.

Erik drew a deep breath. "A long time ago someone once told me that she and I were not nice people. She said that we were loved by those who were far better than we could ever hope to be." He turned to look at his father-in-law. "It is difficult for me to say this but she was correct. I am not a nice person and despite all of Tallis' best efforts, I will never be a completely nice person." He lifted his chin almost in defiance. "One cannot change the past that forged the present. I cannot change the events that have made me what I am." He finished and waited in dread for the words that Benoit would speak, the actions that his words might evoke.

"No," Benoit said sadly, "you cannot change what you are. And I will admit that there are moments when I fear for my daughter and her children."

"I would never hurt my family!" Erik was adamant.

Benoit studied him carefully. "No, I don't believe you would." A sad little laugh slipped from his lips. "You would do as I would have done."

"And what – pray tell – might that be?" Erik's tone of voice was still defiant yet a curious note could be heard in his words.

"You would allow it to break you before you would let it break your family."

As the breath caught in his throat, Erik could feel the color drain from his face. How did Benoit know? He swore he did not breathe as he looked at the man before him. How could he possibly know? Erik stared at the older man beside him. Those same eyes that once commanded obedience from the shadows of the opera house searched and demanded the knowledge behind the answer given. All the power he wielded was put into that gaze and could not compel more than the honest truth:

The man seated before him was a harbinger of the future that awaited him.

Erik looked upon an old man, whose years weighed heavily upon him. _No_, Erik thought. _It is not the years. It is the knowledge born of those years. It is the burdens carried upon a heart and soul that have aged him. _Erik closed his eyes in pain. _That will age me._

Benoit reached out and touched Erik's leg, getting his attention. "Why do you think I asked what you saw when you looked upon your sons?" he asked gently. "They do not have to have the life that I have had." Almost as if Benoit had read his very thoughts, he finished the sentence on a whisper. "The life that you have had."

Words failed Erik as Benoit continued.

"You can give those boys the greatest gift any parent could ever give a child – the gift I gave Tallis when she married you – you can give them freedom. You can give them the ability to dream and to realize those dreams." Benoit grew stern. "But you **must** be here to give to them! How can they understand how to dream and make them come true if they do not learn from one who never had that chance?" His voice grew softer. "You have had the greatest dream in your life come true – you were given the love of my daughter. But that dream comes with great responsibility." He nodded his head toward Gabriel and Michael. "That is the responsibility your dream created. It is the responsibility of the child Tallis now carries."

At those words, Erik could feel the fear begin to wrap around his heart once again.

"It is difficult to be a man, Erik." Benoit pursed his lips in thought for a moment. "It is hard to bear the responsibility for the continued health and happiness of those we love most in this world. It is hard to teach our sons to be more than we could ever be. It is hard to trust our daughters to someone other than ourselves. It is hard to love our children and to have to let them go. And all the while we must never forget to love and cherish the woman who gave them to us. We must provide. We must be wise. We must be vigilant. And we must be all these things so that the women we love are free to love. Free to love their children, their neighbors, their families – free to love us." A slight smile curled the corners of his mouth. "Freedom is a grand and scary thing to hold in your hands."

Erik nodded.

"Can you let that freedom go?" Benoit wondered. "Can you give it to Gabriel and Michael so that they can find a life better than either you or I ever had?"

A pause and then another nod.

"And can you let that freedom go so that you can face whatever the future may hold …"

"For Tallis and our child," Erik finished for him as he swallowed down the lump in his throat and willed away the fear in his heart.

"Yes." Erik's unsteady voice answered.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Author's Note:**__ The bible verse that Erik uses is from Mathew 21:16._

**Chapter Summary:** After the receiving words of wisdom and encouragement from Tallis' parents, Lorraine and Benoit, Erik receives one last bit of wisdom from an unexpected source. It is the last piece needed to make a life change.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

"I have always loved watching you do that."

Lorraine looked into the mirror and smiled at the reflection of the room behind her. Benoit was seated on the edge of the bed they shared. His nightshirt - white and crisp - reminded Lorraine of nothing so much as the white beginning to liberally sprinkle his hair and beard. She returned his smile and continued to braid her long hair. "What?" She wondered. "Plaiting my hair for bed?"

"Aye," Benoit replied. "It seems a very soothing thing to me."

"How so?" Lorraine turned so that she was looking at her husband and not his reflection.

"The motion," began the explanation. "The movement of your hands – so certain – doing something that women have done for years. You take something that could become so tangled and without even looking at it, you can put it in its place. You do not even think about it – you just do it!" The smile on his lips lit Benoit's gray eyes. "It is very soothing to watch."

Lorraine turned back to the mirror. Hands, starting to bend under the weight of long years raising a family, finished plaiting the brown hair and tied a brown ribbon about the end. She tilted her head toward the decanter and glasses on a side table. "Did you want another glass of the port?"

"No, as tempting as it might be." Benoit drained what remained in the glass he held and looked in admiration upon that glass. "It was a fine vintage and a fine glass." He stood, crossing to place the glass on the tray with the decanter. "Much too fine for the likes of my taste buds. Much like the glass." A single hand reached out to touch the wallpaper. "Much like this house." He turned back to his wife. "I prefer the wine we brew and I like it in the simple glasses we use. I like the comfort of my own home." He sighed. "Here I am staying in a grand home the likes of which I only ever enter through the servant's entrance. I am drinking fine port from even finer crystal and I am not happy about any of it." He shook his head. "I must be getting old."

"We both are." Lorraine continued to watch him in the mirror. "Did you know that Tallis says that one day she hopes to have the money to purchase this house. Can you imagine? A daughter of ours owning a home as grand as Trevinny?"

"Daft," Benoit said with a soft laugh.

"Not as much as you think," Lorraine told him. She got up from the vanity seat and crossed to the bed, beginning to turn down the linens. "She learned much from being Madame Giry's companion and I think – but I cannot be sure – that she and Erik left France with money that it is best we not question."

"Hmmm," came the hummed reply. "Let me help you with that." Benoit crossed to the other side of the large bed and grabbed the linens. "I find that there are certain things it is best that we not question about this man's past. He is trying to make the best of his life now and I honestly do not think he would do anything to hurt Tallis." He caught his wife's eye. "As you said, Tallis has learned much and I think she is quite capable of managing him."

"She can manage their bank account, that is for certain," Lorraine replied. "She showed me the account books and I cannot believe how much money she has saved! She says it is because the Count pays her well, that Erik makes good money when he sells a piece of music and they live frugally. But it cannot be so simple as that!" She shook her head. "We know what he is. We know what he has done. They could not even stay in France and live in the shadows! They had to flee to the other side of England and now they live out here – at the very edge of the moors – isolated from the world for most of the year." She drew in and let out a worried breath. "What did we do when we agreed to this marriage?"

Benoit climbed into the bed and held out his arms to Lorraine. She moved into them as he wrapped one arm about her waist, his hand gently caressing the padded curve. His other hand he placed over the ones she had folded in her lap. He remembered days when she was more angular but the years had added softness to her curves. He sighed inwardly as Lorraine rested her head upon his shoulder, seeking comfort and he could remember when she did not fit quite so well into his arms, when the comfort sought on both sides was awkward – the comfort given as awkward in measure. He could feel her tension and fear in the hard shoulder muscles that pressed against his chest. His shoulders shared the same tension, his heart the same fear. But Benoit needed to live the words he had spoken earlier to Erik; he needed to lead by example. He needed to be strong and vigilant and love his wife so that she could love their child and grandchildren.

"We could not have stopped Tallis, you know," he began. "If we had not given our consent, I am certain she would have convinced Erik to flee to the other side of the world so they could be happy. At least – now – they are still close by and as long as age and health remain good to us, we shall be able to visit when we can. And I do not think they are as isolated as you would think. The people around here think fondly of Tallis and the children and if they question her choice of husband and father, then they are too polite to speak it, to decent to question the man who lives nearly as a hermit. Yet they keep watch for her and the boys and love them as if she were one of their own. And have you forgotten Moira and Joseph? For a cousin that she only saw a few times during her childhood and barely corresponded with later, they have a bond like that of sisters. It would do any mother proud."

"It is not all of them I worry over," Lorraine muttered.

Benoit kissed her temple. "I know," he whispered and continued a bit louder, "but he is not completely evil." He shook his head at the startled look upon the face that turned toward him. "He is not a good man – we both know that. And I would not have had my youngest child marry a murderer or an extortionist or a man who felt he had the right to abduct a young woman for whatever intentions he may have held in his troubled mind. Yet there was an innocent child before he became The Phantom. Who are we to say what circumstances may drive a man to do? Would I have done any differently were I to have had his lost childhood? I honestly cannot say." The surety of his thoughts smiled out from his eyes. "But I do know this – there must be some good in that man for Tallis to love him for she is not a fool. She may be a bit naïve but she is not a fool. And for him to have fathered those two boys – both of them so smart already! – it just … it just… It just makes me wonder what could have been for him and that frightens me."

"Why?" Lorraine was confused.

"Because if he had not fallen into such tragic circumstances, Erik might have been a great man. He might have been the composer in public that he is now in private. He might have been a grand maestro or a brilliant architect. Such things would have meant that Tallis would not have even been a thought in his life. That makes me sad for I see how happy he makes her – in spite of everything. And I would always have my daughter happy."

Lorraine reached up to touch her husband's cheek. "Oh, Benoit," she sighed. "You have always been a dreamer in the darkest part of your heart that you keep hidden from all – even from me." She shook her head as his mouth opened. "No, I know this – I have always known this and it no longer bothers me. Everyone says that Tallis became a dreamer because of me but I know that she gets her dreams from you." Her eyes grew misty. "Such a gift you gave our child!"

"Such a child you gave me!"

A blush crept up old cheeks and Lorraine turned her head away to look about the elegantly appointed guestroom. "Such a child would be capable of finding a way to own a place such as this. She has even become polished enough to live in such a place and be comfortable doing such." Lorraine nestled her head once again on her husband's shoulder. "Tallis could make that dream come true for her and her husband." The breath caught in her throat and she turned her head into her husband's chest to hide the tears she could not stop. "I don't want to lose her!"

Benoit drew his wife tighter into his embrace, keeping his own tears buried, being the strength she needed. "Neither do I," he whispered, planting a kiss on her hair. "Go ahead and cry. Here in my arms you are safe to do whatever you wish." He rested his head against her head. "You always have been."

The next afternoon found Tallis sitting on a wing chair in her cottage, feet carefully propped upon a footstool and wishing she had someone to hug away her fears. She reached up to wipe away a single tear that tried to escape from the corner of her eye. The silence in the cottage was deafening and she placed both hands over her eyes to hide away from the world for a few moments. Erik had taken the dogs for a long romp across the moor and the boys were down for an afternoon nap. Everyone else had disappeared into the luxury of the great house leaving Tallis alone to rest while the boys were still and she had a few moments to herself. The consideration and concern of others was heart-warming but Tallis found she could not bear the quiet for it left her alone with her thoughts.

Thoughts that perhaps this momentary quiet presaged a more permanent quiet. Thoughts that the life that filled her home with joy and laughter would fade away into a shadowed darkness. Thoughts that two happy little boys would grow into haunted and haunting men. From the first moment she realized she was pregnant again, the troubling thoughts that Tallis had had never been for herself. Her strong faith in God never failed to amuse and bewilder her husband but gave her much comfort and reassurance. No, the fears that Tallis kept hidden away from the world, the fears that kept her awake and still in the arms of her husband each night were – and would always be – for the ones she might leave behind. Feeling the fear begin to overwhelm, Tallis pressed hands against eyes and sniffed back the tears the wanted to flow.

"Mama?" came a small voice and a gentle touch on her leg. "Are you sick?"

Tallis let out a long breath and lowered her hands, a smile for the child looking back at her. "No, Gabriel," she assured him. "I am not feeling sick."

Gabriel looked at his mother with a questioning glance. "Really?"

Tallis knew the look on her son's face. It was the same look she would get from his father when Erik knew she was not being completely truthful. "Really."

"You look like you feel sick," he insisted.

"Having a baby is very hard work and sometimes it just seems harder than others." Eyes narrowed suspiciously at the child. "And what are you doing out of bed? Are you not supposed to be taking a nap?"

Gabriel drew himself up as far as he could and squared his shoulders. "I am not a baby and I do not need a nap!" He grew silent for a moment. "Did you need a nap, Mama, from all the hard work?"

A warm smile crossed Tallis' face. "I did need a nap and I just woke up." She patted what little room was left in the chair beside her. "Come and sit with me for a few moments." She waited while Gabriel had crawled up beside her, resting his head against her round middle before she placed an arm about him, leaning down to place a kiss on his dark head. "This is nice," Tallis breathed, a silent prayer going forth that Gabriel would always remember this moment.

"I like sitting with you," Gabriel said and suddenly burst out into laughter. He looked up at his mother. "Your belly wiggles!"

"That's the baby," Tallis told him and took his hand, guiding it over the movement of the child she carried.

Gabriel continued to giggle. "Does that feel funny?" he wondered.

"It does."

"Did I feel funny?"

Tallis caressed her son's back. "You did and Michael felt funny when he was in my belly." She smiled at the curious little face looking up at her. "But I loved every moment; even then you could always make me smile." Tallis could see the intelligent mind behind her son's eyes working. "Did you have a question?"

"But… but…" Gabriel pursed his lips together, a puzzled frown growing on his face. It only accentuated his deformity, the increased blood making the side of his head appear as if it were on fire. "But if it feels funny and the baby makes you laugh, why is it hard work?"

The baby she carried seemed to roll with laughter at the words of its older sibling. Tallis reached out a gentle hand to smooth Gabriel's tousled curls, surreptitiously easing the taught, scarred skin beneath them. She needed the time to think quickly, to come up an answer to his question. She needed an answer he could understand and she needed to have words that would not frighten him.

"Mama?"

"The baby makes me laugh because it feels like tickles." Tallis moved her hand down and ran her fingers over Gabriel's belly. She grinned at his chuckles. "Just like that." The hand moved back up to his hair, fingers now moving the curls from his face. "And it is hard work because it takes a long time to have a baby. I get very tired and just want the baby to be here so we can all hold it and love it. Do you understand?"

Gabriel did not have to think about his answer. "If it is such hard work, I could help!" he declared. "And then you would not be so tired."

Tallis sighed. "I wish you could help but this is something that I have to do all by myself."

"Papa cannot even help?"

_He helped enough,_ the stray thought danced across Tallis' mind and returned the smile to her lips. "No, Papa cannot help," she said aloud. "This is something that I have to do all by myself." She relented slightly at the worried look in Gabriel's eyes. "Well, perhaps, not all by myself. Your grandmere will be here and nice Doctor Pendleton and they will help me to have the baby." She winked at her child. "They helped me to have you and to have Michael."

"Oh." Her answer seemed to suit him. He turned his attention back to his mother's swollen belly, a single hand going to rest atop it. "You have to be nice to Mama and then when you get here, I can teach you all kinds of things. You and me and Michael will have fun and we will play together with the dogs. I promise to take care of you and love you forever and it doesn't matter what you look like." He kissed Tallis' belly. "Just like Mama loves me and Michael and Papa."

His words broke his mother's heart. "Gabriel," Tallis said as she lifted her son's face, "it does not matter what a person looks like on the outside." She touched his head and then his heart, letting her hand linger there. "What makes us a love a person is what is the lovely thoughts of their mind and the goodness of their heart. What they do and how they live means more to God than what they look like. And because God loves like that, so do we. I would love you and your brother and your father even if you did not belong to me because you are all good, loving, decent men." She wrapped her arms about her first-born and drew him as close as she could. "I would love you no matter what. And I will love you to the end of time." She bent over and kissed his head. "Never, ever forget that." Tallis sat there, Gabriel in her arms, reassuring her child and her self that their future was secure unaware her words had been heard by another.

It would not be so for long.

That night, as the full moon shone over the Atlantic, the reflection from the waves shimmering on the roof of her bedroom, Tallis sat on a heavily padded nursing chair, eyes closed and listened to the sounds of the evening beyond her home. She could hear the sound of the incoming tide pounding against the rocks at the bottom of the cliff. The ocean breeze rustled the trees and grasses, adding to the music Nature made. Somewhere off on the moors, a lone dog yowled at the full moon, the echo of his cry answered by her own dogs and carried off into the distant night. A smile graced her lips as Tallis felt the tension in her shoulders slowly fading away as she listened to the evening.

"That is a beautiful sight," a voice said as the bedroom door opened and closed.

Tallis opened her eyes to see Erik standing in the doorway. "What is beautiful?"

"You. Smiling." Erik took two steps into the room. "What causes such a smile?"

Tallis did not hesitate. "I was enjoying the beauty in the darkness." She nodded toward the open window. "I love listening to the sounds of the night. There is such a sad loneliness in them but it soothes at the same time." She laughed as Erik crossed to her side, sitting down on the stool where she rested her feet. She took his hands in her own. "After all these years I am truly finding the beauty in the darkness you so treasure."

A strange sound escaped Erik's lips and he nodded once.

"Are the boys settled?"

"Yes. I did not leave them until I was certain they were sound asleep." Erik hummed. "It is amazing to watch them sleep. They resemble angels in their innocence and vulnerability."

"They are angels, sent to us from Heaven to love."

"Ah…"

Tallis leaned back in her seat, her eyes closing. "Erik, I really do not want to…" her words were interrupted by the hands that suddenly gripped hers so tightly. She opened her eyes, looking curiously at the man who would not meet them. "Erik…" she began.

"No," he interrupted her and released his grip on her hands. "There is something I need to say." He began to play with her fingers. "Something you need to hear." Erik's elegant fingers lifted each one of his wife's in turn, massaging them gently before moving to the next finger. He lingered over the finger where her simple gold band was worn, no longer there due to the weight gain of her pregnancy. "I know we teach the children that it is wrong to eavesdrop on the conversation of another but I could not help but overhear what you said to Gabriel this afternoon."

Tallis bit back the sigh that wanted to escape.

"The God that you so trust once said that _out of the mouths of babes and sucklings thou hast perfected praise_." Erik still would not meet his wife's eyes and continued to play with her fingers. "I – hell-bound man that I am – prefer to think that "praise" means wisdom. And I never heard more wisdom in my life than the words that our son spoke this afternoon." Erik finally lifted his head to his wife, wanting to collapse at the moistness he saw gathering in the corners of her eyes. "Perhaps confession does that to a person," he said softly before continuing. "Gabriel is everything I am not and he will be everything I could never be. He will love his brother … and this baby without a thought as to why he loves them. I do not think I have ever done that – even with you, as much as it pains me to say that."

Tallis could not help the sniffle that slipped away.

"I have spent these last days listening – somewhat reluctantly, I admit – to the wisdom offered by your mother and your father. They love you without question. They would do anything for you." He snorted. "And they did by agreeing to our marriage. And now our son has an unquestioning love for a brother or sister he does not even know yet. I do not… I did not…" Erik let out a harsh breath as he gathered his thoughts. "I never understood before now that such things are what families do."

"But… Erik…" Tallis tried.

Erik shook his head. "No. I never really understood. I tried to understand. I played at understanding but I never fully understood." His head dipped down. "I feel like such a fraud."

Tallis took the opening. "Erik, you are not a fraud!" she insisted and spoke quickly to get her words in before he hushed her again. "You have been a wonderful husband and a wonderful father! You have done the best that you could and your best has been more than I could have ever hoped or asked!"

"You always have loved me more than I deserve." Erik lifted each of her hands in turn, kissing them, before once again lifting his head, meeting her eyes. "But no more." He finally let go of a single hand so that he could rest his hand against his new child. "I promise you – here and now – that no matter what … no matter…" His voice broke and Erik took a moment to compose his raw emotions. "I promise you that no matter what the future may bring, you will never have to fear for your – for our – children. If the worst should happen, I am keeping my children. I will stay here where they feel safe – where I feel safe – and I vow to you that I will raise them to be the men," he gently patted the movement under his hand, "and maybe even woman – that you would want them to be. They will know that they have a father who loves them and wants nothing but the best for them. I promise to give them everything I have to give."

"All they want is your love!"

A crooked grin twisted Erik's face. "That is all I have to give." The grin disappeared and he leaned forward to take Tallis' face in his hands. "And that is what I am giving you. I promise to love you as well as I know for as long as we may have. If this child should not survive, then I promise to be the support and the strength that you and our sons need. If… if… if the worst happens and I lose you, I promise you that I will not go back to the shadows. I will not become the Phantom again. I will see the beauty that you see in my darkness. I will be a father. I will be the man that only you can see. I will be Erik and only Erik." He claimed a kiss. "And I will make you so proud of me."

Tallis did not fight the tears that streamed down her cheeks. "I could never be prouder of you than I am at this moment. Thank you. Thank you for finally seeing the Erik I always knew you were." Now it was her turn to claim a kiss. "I love you." She stared into golden eyes that for once held no fear, no uncertainty.

"And I love you," came the words carried on waves of a calm assurance.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Summary:** In the early hours of an August morning, Tallis goes into labor … a few weeks early

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

June slipped away into July under the watchful eye of a warm Cornish sun. Days lengthened and warmed, bringing forth the life sleeping just beneath the surface of the earth. All around green shoots peaked heads up from dark soil as crops began their yearly cycle of growth and flowers brightened the landscape. Even on the windswept moor, trees bent and nearly broken by the unrelenting wind blossomed with new life. The bright days gave way to gentle nights softened by ocean breezes. Children chased fireflies under the watchful eyes of parents who in turn stared at the heavens and taught their little ones to wish upon the stars glittering overhead. And as the warmth of July faded away into the long heat of August, a woman stood at the window of her cottage, staring at the last of the stars fading into the sunrise, a single word wished into the Heavens.

"Please," Tallis whispered, the grimace on her face fading away, a long breath let out slowly.

"Please, what?" Erik's sleepy voice wondered from the bed behind her.

_I am nearly ninth months pregnant,_ Tallis thought and rolled her eyes before turning around to face her husband. "Good morning," she said, putting off the inevitable for a few more moments.

Erik ran a hand through tousled hair, eyes blinking open. "Good morning. Is it even morning yet?" He yawned. "You are up early. You cannot sleep?"

"No," Tallis replied honestly. "I am a bit uncomfortable this morning."

Her words brought her husband to attention. "Perhaps you should come back to bed for a few hours," Erik ventured as he tossed aside the covers and sat up. "The boys and I can bring your breakfast in here."

"I am not really very hungry."

"Then just come back to bed." Erik turned his head, listening for sounds of life from beyond the bedroom door. "I do not hear the pitter-patter of little feet yet." He turned back to Tallis and winked at her. "We could have a few moments to cuddle."

"Erik," Tallis said with a laugh and a shake of her head. "As tempting as that might be, I must decline. I really am very uncomfortable and…"

The color drained from Erik's face. "You are not… are you?"

A wavering smile answered his question. "I am. It began just before first light."

Erik jumped to his feet and began to rush about the room. "I will get dressed and go for the doctor!" He pulled on a pair of pants. "I will get your parents to come and take care of the boys." He paused for a brief moment. "No. I shall send your father for the doctor. I need to stay here with you." He nodded. "Yes. That is what I shall do. Send your father for the doctor. Send the boys to your mother and wait here with you." He was stilled by the touch of a hand on his arm and he lifted his eyes to his wife.

"It will be hours yet," Tallis reminded him.

A bit of the color returned to his face and just as quickly faded away again. "Wait…" A terrifying thought crossed Erik's mind. "Is it not too early?" The question faded away as Erik looked at his fingers and they moved in succession. His eyes strayed to his wife's swollen middle and then to her face. "It _is _too early! Oh no. No. No. No…" His head began to shake violently as if he could will away the very forces of Nature.

"Stop it!" Tallis hissed angrily at him. "Just stop it!" She grabbed him by the forearms. "Calm down and stop it!"

"Too early," came the pained whisper.

"These things happen," Tallis replied as she drew Erik back to the bed, settling down upon it, her back to the headboard for support. "And, if I am correct, it is but a week or two. There should be no problem. Babies come when they are ready and they often come early." She managed a slight smile. "It will be fine."

"These things do _not_ happen to you!"

Tallis let out a long angry breath. "Be realistic!" Her tone of voice finally stilled Erik. "Thank you. Now this is what we are going to do."

"You have this all planned out."

"Since I am the one in labor, yes, I do," she informed him. "We are going to have breakfast with the boys. Then the boys can go to Trevinny for the day. The people there will watch for them until you go to fetch them. John can go for Mister Pendleton when it is time. My mother will stay here with me and," Tallis smiled sweetly, "my father can stay with you."

Erik shook his head. "Oh, no. I do not need a babysitter."

"Yes, you do."

"No. I most certainly do not!" he breathed out through his nose. "I will agree to everything you ask. I think it is very wise to want to have breakfast with the boys. They need to have this time with both of us – as a family. By sending John for the physician that will allow all of us to be here with you." Erik nodded. "I am glad your mother will be with you – it makes me feel better. But I do not need a babysitter and your father can go with the boys. I am going to be here with you."

Tallis began to dig in her heels. "I am going in to labor in preparation to have your child. You will not argue with me and you will give me everything I want."

"I am going to be here with you."

"I cannot concentrate on what I will need to do, if I have to worry about you!"

"I am not leaving your side." Erik's voice was calm and even but the muscles at the edges of his jaw were clenched.

"Erik, I need you to listen to me." Her tone of voice demanded his attention. "I do not want you here. You have to leave."

"But," Erik began, "I was here when Gabriel was born and I was here when Michael was born. I did not do anything foolish then…

Tallis managed a laugh. "I could hear you moaning! You were making more noise than I was!"

Erik stammered and drew a breath to calm ragged nerves. "I will not do that again," he insisted. "I will go to the other side of the cottage. I will put cotton in my ears, a towel over my head and gag in my mouth." The words were rushing out of his mouth almost as fast as he could form them. "I will not do anything foolish! I promise! I just need to be here. I am not going to leave."

"Yes, you are."

"No," Erik's voice held a strangely melodic note. "I am not."

His wife was not swayed. "Erik, please just listen to me!" It was the lack of desperation in her voice that caught and held Erik's attention. "You cannot be here. It is not that I do not want you here." Tallis reached up to touch his face "It is not that I do not love you. It is that I do not want what may be your last memory of me to be one of me screaming in pain. That is not how I want you to remember me." Tallis managed a smile for her husband, knowing it was small and sad. "That is not how I need you to remember me!"

"Please do not ask this of me," he pleaded.

Tallis brushed his plea aside. "If the worst happens and I should die, I need you to remember me for our children." This time her smile was still small but no longer quite so sad. "However many that might be. I need you to tell them about me. I need you to tell them how we shared our first dance in a moonlit garden. I need you to tell them how I loved to tease you. I need you to tell them how we fell in love over food in a warm kitchen. I need you to tell them that people can argue and still love each other. I need you to tell," Tallis drew a deep breath, "I need you to tell them how much I loved them and how they were the best things in my life." She placed a finger under his chin and lifted Erik's head so that looked at her. "And I need you to tell them how much I loved you. How you opened the world to me! How you became the fulfillment of all my dreams. Erik, I need you to be my voice if I no longer have one!" Now it was her turn to plead with him. "Please! If you have ever loved me, do this for me! Please!"

"If I ever loved you," Erik said in very soft voice. "If I ever loved you?" he repeated, an amazed, angry look crossing his face. "I have never loved anyone but you! I have never loved anyone the way that I love you! You and the children are my life! I never lived – not honestly and truly lived – until I found my family!"

"Then be the husband and father of this family," Tallis said in an equally soft tone, "and do what I need you to do so that I can do what I must do."

A silence descended upon the bedroom lit by the morning sun. Even the ocean outside was hushed, seeming to respect a moment of great import was occurring just beyond its reach. In that silence, Erik studied the face before him, searching those gray eyes for an opening, a way for him to have his own way. He found none. He stared into a calm, untroubled sea. There was a certainty there that he almost understood and a peace he could not. Erik continued to look deep into his wife's eyes, searching the windows to her soul, drawing strength and surety from her. The thought he drew his strength from her momentarily frightened Erik for he had never thought himself a weak man. Even in his darkest, most desperate times, he had never thought himself weak. Now faced with the possibility that he was sharing his last moments with the woman who saw into his own soul, Erik discovered within himself a resilient core he did not know he possessed.

He leaned over and kissed the taught muscles of his wife's abdomen. "I love you," he whispered to the child preparing to come into the world and lifted his head. He opened his arms and drew Tallis close, kissing her lips, turning his cheek to feel her smooth skin against his own. "I love you," he whispered into her ear before drawing back. "And when this is all over I will see you again."

"Of that I am certain," Tallis replied.

Erik drew back. "And you had best make sure that when I do see you again you are breathing."

Tallis raised an eyebrow at him. "Or what?" she wondered.

"Or I will kill you."

An unrepressed giggle escaped Tallis' lips. "That makes no sense."

Erik kissed his wife's hands and rose to his feet. "I am going to get the boys for breakfast. Give us twenty minutes." He turned toward the door, unable to look at Tallis. "None of my life made any sense before I met you." He paused at the door. "And now when I finally begin to understand why I am alive, I find that you are the only one who is still capable of confusing me." He walked from the room, closing the door behind him.

"Oh, Erik," Tallis sighed and leaned back against the headboard, closing her eyes as a familiar pain began at the base of her spine. She sat there, feeling her stomach begin to turn and wondered how she would ever make it through breakfast with Gabriel and Michael. Tallis wondered how she would get through the rest of the day – if she would get through the rest of the day. She shook her head to dismiss such a dismal thought for there could be no room for such things this day. This day she had to think positively, to believe that she would see the sunset with a new baby in her arms. She had to be strong for her sons, for her baby, for Erik. And in a part of her heart that she would never share with another, Tallis knew she had to be selfish and be strong for herself. For just a few hours she needed to put herself first, to set aside normal concerns for children and husband. If there was any chance for a happy ending for her family, Tallis needed to leave them behind. It was a thought that broke her heart even more than the thought that she would not live out the day.

A gentle knock on the door brought Tallis back from her introspection. "Come," she called out.

Gabriel's curly head stuck itself through the opening door. "Papa says to tell you that breakfast is ready." He paused in the doorway. "You do not look so good, Mama," he stated the obvious.

"What did I tell you about having a baby?"

"That it is very hard work." Gabriel smiled broadly. "I remembered! I'm a big boy!"

Tallis slid herself off the bed and crossed to her son's side. "Yes, you are a big boy," she said as she cupped his chin and tilted his head up. "And having a baby is very hard work. So why do we not go and have breakfast so we can both have energy for today."

"Why?"

"Because I am going to have the baby later today."

Gabriel's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Yes."

"Can I stay here and help?"

"Just like your father," Tallis breathed and louder, "No. This is something I have to do by myself. Well, I will have Grandmama to help. And you will go up to the big house with your brother and maybe you could do something for me."

Gabriel bounced on his toes. "I can help! I can help!"

"Could you ask Cook – very nicely – if she will help you and Michael to make me some cookies? After all that hard work, I think something sweet would be very nice to have." Tallis had already made plans with Rowen Gillis – the cook at Trevinny – to spend the day the baby came cooking with the boys. Tallis knew Rowen would keep them busy for however long it took. She also knew her sons would be surrounded by love and that eased a fear, freeing up the part of her that needed to be selfish.

"I will make you the best cookies ever!" Gabriel wrapped his arms about his mother as far as they would go.

"I am counting on it," Tallis replied as she rubbed a hand over his back. "Now let us go and get breakfast before your father and Michael eat it all up."

"That's silly," Gabriel said as he took his mother's hand. "Michael is a baby. He could not eat all that food!"

"Your father could."

Gabriel picked up his pace. "Hurry, Mama! Hurry!"

Breakfast that morning was leisurely and lingered over. Erik had set the table in the sunny kitchen so that his family could gather around one corner. He arranged it so that the boys were on either side of the corner, their parents on each child's free side. Normal table manners were thrown to the wind as Tallis relaxed her usual rigid teachings and allowed the boys to be rambunctious. Gabriel talked around a mouth full of oatmeal about all the cookies he would be making that day. Michael reached for the jam jar and soon had more jam on his face and in his oatmeal than in his tummy. The sticky fingers that his mother gently licked clean caused him to erupt into endless giggles and his older brother to roll his eyes. Tallis delighted in the joy of her two small boys and managed to keep a smile on her face throughout the entire meal. It was only Erik who noticed the clouding over of her bright eyes as she worked through another of the pains that would bring either great joy or great sorrow later that day. He struggled to remember the moments that were passing by far too quickly. He struggled to remember the harmonics of a family sharing a laugh together. He struggled to remember each and every word that was spoken over the meal. He struggled because he struggled to pray that he would not need to be the voice for a memory. Erik's eyes were caught as Tallis looked across at him and he knew that she knew. That sparkle in her eyes was for him only; it was and had always been her unspoken "I love you". It chilled him to the soul and warmed his heart at the same time.

And then breakfast was over. Far too soon for Erik's liking. A knock at the front door and a warm "Is anyone awake yet?" announced the arrival of Tallis' parents. While Erik took the boys out back to feed the dogs and wash their hands and faces, Tallis broke the news to her parents. They took the news of her early labor much as they had taken all the changes and challenges of their lives – in stride. Her father announced he would take the boys to the house and send someone for the doctor. Her mother quickly began to list everything that needed to be done before the serious business of having her child began in earnest. Tallis turned her head toward the back door and listened for a moment before returning her attention to her parents.

"I need you to make me one promise," she said, her tone solemn.

"Whatever you need," Lorraine replied as she reached out to lay a hand on her daughter's arm.

"Do not be so quick to agree to what I am going to ask," Tallis warned them, drawing a deep breath to steady her nerves. "I need you to promise me that no matter what happens – no matter what Erik may want – no matter how horrid he may become – even if he turns back into The Phantom – I want you to promise me that this child comes first." Her bottom lip trembled, the first outward sign of emotion she had shown, as she studied the shocked looks on the faces of the people who had given her life. "I am most sincere! No matter what happens to me, I am making the decision here and I am making the decision now – this child comes first! No matter what happens you must promise me this!" There was no response. "Please," Tallis pleaded.

It was Benoit who broke the awkward silence. "Aye," he replied with a single nod of his head.

"Benoit…" Lorraine began.

Tallis leaned forward and kissed her father's cheek. "Thank you, Papa," she breathed and turned to her mother. "I know this is hard, Maman; it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do! But I just want to have my baby. I do not want any silly medical treatments. I just want my baby. No matter what happens. No matter what may become of me, there is a reason for this child – of that I am certain. And I need to know that you will respect my wishes. I need to know that you love me enough to do this for me!" Tallis heaved a sigh of relief as her mother nodded. "I know you are sad but thank you." She kissed her mother and looked at her father. "And I will need you to keep Erik well in hand. I do not want him here. I cannot have him here. If you have to tie him to a tree on the moor…"

Benoit laid his hand over his wife's that still rested on Tallis' arm. "I can manage Erik. We understand each other."

Tallis turned her head to the side – her father's words were surprising. "You do?"

"Aye."

Lorraine managed a smile for her husband. "A man of few words, your father."

"You leave your husband to me and just worry about having my grandchild."

The sound of the kitchen door opening forestalled whatever words might have been on Tallis' lips. The hands on her arms were quickly drawn away as Gabriel and Michael bounded into the living area of the cottage, Erik close behind.

"Now what, Mama?" Michael wanted to know. "Play?"

Tallis moved to sit on the sofa and held out her arms, Michael crossing into them.

"Play?" he repeated.

"I need you to listen to me, Michael," Tallis began as she cupped his face in her hands. "You and Gabriel are going to go up to the big house and spend the day there."

Michael's bottom lip stuck out in a pout all too familiar to his mother. "No. Don' wanna go. Wanna play!"

"Mama is going to have the baby today and it is very hard work so you cannot be here."

"Help!" he chirped.

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Such a baby," he said under his breath and touched his little brother's shoulder. "It is hard work, Michael," he continued as Michael turned toward him. "So we are gonna go and make cookies for Mama and the baby for later. It can be a special present and we won't tell Mama what kind of cookies – just make them a surprise!"

Michael's head bobbed up and down – he liked surprises. "Yes. Surprise!" He turned back to his mother. He kissed her belly. "Love da baby," he said as he lifted his face to Tallis. "Love you, Mama."

"I love you," Tallis whispered as she kissed him, drawing back, drinking in his sweet little face, "my beautiful boy." She let him go and reached for Gabriel, pulling him close, inhaling the smell of morning sunshine on his hair. She turned to kiss him, memorizing the look of his face – so very much like his father. So very, very much like his father. "I love you, Gabriel." Her softly spoken words were only for him.

"I love you, Mama," he said as he wrapped his arms about her neck, hugging her and getting one last kiss. As Tallis let him go, Gabriel leaned in and kissed the baby. "I love you, baby. Be nice to Mama."

Tallis struggled to keep her composure. "Your papa and grandpapa are going to take you up to the big house now and I want you to be especially good for Missus Gillis today."

"We will, Mama," Gabriel promised and took one of the hands that Benoit held out.

"Bye, Mama," Michael said as he took the other hand.

"Come along then," Benoit told them and nodded at Lorraine who followed him out the door, giving Erik and Tallis a last moment together.

"Stay with my father," Tallis told him.

"Do not do anything stupid," Erik reminded her.

They looked at each other, the silence between them widening into an almost insurmountable gulf.

Almost.

Tallis held out her hands. "Erik," she breathed, a catch in her voice.

Erik was at her side in a heartbeat, taking her hands, lifting her to her feet and drawing her into his arms. "You promised me and I do not like it when people break promises to me," he reminded her before drawing back to look into her eyes. "For you, though I will make an exception."

"And you promised me," Tallis replied.

"I will stay with your father. I do not like it but I will do as you ask."

"And I will not do anything foolish."

Erik held out his hand. "Done?"

"Done," Tallis said as she took his hand and found herself drawn back into his arms. "I love you," she whispered. "I will always love you."

"Love does not even begin to cover what I feel for you," Erik whispered back. "But words fail me when I think of what you mean to me – how you have changed my life." He sighed into her ear. "It seems so inadequate but I love you. I do love you. I will love you forever." He turned his face to kiss her, staring for a long moment at her face before leaving Tallis where she stood, walking out the door and leaving it open behind him.

Lorraine walked in, turning to watch over her shoulder as the men in her life and in her daughter's life walked away down the path overlooking the ocean. She closed the door and smiled at her daughter, the smile quickly disappearing as she took note of the look on Tallis face. "My child," Lorraine said as she began to cross the room.

"Maman," Tallis said and began to cry as Lorraine reached her side. She allowed her mother to guide her back to the sofa where they both sat. Tallis felt her mother's arms wrap around her and she broke into deep, heaving sobs. "I have never been so scared in my life!" And in the safety of her mother's arms Tallis cried out her hidden fears until the next labor pain claimed her attention.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Summary:** A new life arrives

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

"Let's take the boys for a bit of walk before we give them to Madame Gillis," Benoit said.

Erik watched the dust kicked up by the curricle disappearing down the road toward town. The part of his mind not occupied by worrying about his wife was amazed at the control John had over the vehicle and horse. Curricles could comfortably fit two people but had a high center of gravity and were not meant for speed. When informed of the pending birth, John chose the lightest, fastest vehicle in the carriage house and the two surest horses in the stable. Now he was racing toward Kingsand to bring David Pendleton, the local physician back to tend to Tallis and her child.

"Left in the dust yet again," Erik muttered to himself, feeling a familiar darkness begin to close in.

Benoit heard the soft words. "It's a terrible thing to feel so helpless," he said, leaning toward his son-in-law. "We get all the pleasure of making these children and the women we love get all the work of bringing them forth. It is not a fair arrangement."

"I find that life is seldom fair," Erik grumped.

"Then let us go and find something fair and kick up some dust of our own," Benoit told him with a nod at Gabriel and Michael who were running circles about a sturdy oak. "It would be best for everyone if we wore down some of that energy, do you not think?"

The joyous screeching of his children penetrated Erik's darkness, a half-smile curling his lips. "Aye."

"Good lad," Benoit said. "Good lad."

_Tallis sat on the bench before the piano in the great room of her cottage fingers tapping at different keys. "Erik has tried so hard to teach me to play this," she said as she looked to her mother who was coming from the kitchen. "I am afraid I am not the world's best student." She sighed and turned back to the piano. "Gabriel is a far better student than I could ever be."_

_Wiping her hands on the towel she held Lorraine matched her daughter's sigh. She walked over into the room, draping the damp towel over the edge of wooden chair. "Is that not what we want for our children?" she asked as she sat beside Tallis. "Do we not want them to be better than we were? Do we not want them to have more than we did?"_

"_Yes." Tallis could not look at her mother and turned her attention back to the ivory and ebony keys. "I am just… I am just afraid that I will not be here to see what my children will become." She reached up to wipe at the corners of her eyes. "And I could never admit that to Erik. I could never tell him how truly scared I am. I could never tell him that I am afraid to die. I needed to be strong for him or he would have turned back to The Phantom. Then my children would have truly been lost." She looked at her mother. "Where is someone to be strong for me?" Her bottom lip trembled. "Where is someone to tell me that everything will be all right?"_

_"That is why I am here," Lorraine began and stopped as Tallis' fist came down on the piano keys, sending a discordant sound bouncing off the walls of the cottage. "Breathe," Lorraine finished as she rubbed her daughter's back. "If you breathe it will go easier." She managed a smile for the pained, worried eyes looking back at her. "Everything will be all right."_

"And we went all the way down the lane," Gabriel said as he climbed onto the stool before the worktable in the sunny kitchen at Trevinny.

Erik lifted Michael onto the other stool. "Saw bunnies!" Michael bounced up and down. "Hop, hop hop!"

Rowen Gillis, Trevinny's cook smiled at the children. "Sounds like you had quite an adventure."

"That's polite," Erik muttered.

Rowen looked at Benoit who lightly shook his head. "I understand you are going to make cookies for your mama."

"Cookies!" Michael chirped.

"With nuts," Gabriel added. "I like nuts."

"No nuts." Michael stuck out his bottom lip and it began to tremble.

Rowen reached across the table and ruffled Michael's hair. "I think we can make oatmeal cookies with raisins." She smiled at Gabriel. "We can make sugar cookies and decorate them with nuts." She glanced down at the watch pin she wore on her apron. "But first I think we should make some lunch." She nodded over their heads at Benoit. "I shall have a care for them."

Erik, distracted as he was, remembered his promises to Tallis and gave each child a hug and kiss. "Make good cookies for Mama," he told them and smiled. "And save some for me."

"Baby, too!" Michael reminded him.

Erik nodded. "Baby, too."

"Come along," Benoit said as he touched Erik's arm. "I want to see the beach."

"Bye, Papa!" Erik heard Gabriel's happy goodbye as he followed Benoit from the kitchen, honestly glad to be doing so – the beach was closer to the cottage.

"_Well?" Tallis asked as she rolled over, reaching for her mother. Lorraine took her hands and raised her to a sitting position. Tallis looked over her shoulder at the man rinsing his hands in the wash basin. "How am I?"_

_David Pendleton took the towel held out by the midwife. "You are doing well at the moment and progressing normally. It should be another few hours." He laughed at the moan that escaped Tallis' lips. "I hear that same sound from every expectant mother." He softened as he crossed the room to stand before his patient. "Tallis…" he started and stopped._

"_Don't touch me," Tallis said as she jerked her hands from her mother's. She panted and bent slightly backward as an all too familiar pain began to spread outward from the base of her spine. A moistness crossed her heated forehead and Tallis swatted it away. "Do not touch me!" she screamed, letting out a long low moan followed by a forceful exhale. As the pain faded away into a dull ache, Tallis leaned forward. "I do not remember either of the boys hurting like this. It does not stop!"_

"_I know it hurts," David began._

_Tallis glared angrily at him. "Then you do this!" Her anger grew at the sound of David's chuckle. "I want to stand," she told her mother, holding out her hands; Lorraine hesitated. "Now!" Tallis snapped._

"_Careful," Lorraine said as she lifted her daughter to her feet, feeling Tallis' entire body shake from the effort she was putting forth._

"_I am sorry," Tallis said and began to cry. "I do not… I do not…"_

"_Tallis," David said, drawing her attention, "listen to me." He smiled at her. "You are doing fine. I would not lie to you. If labor continues on this way, I do not foresee any problems."_

_Tallis nodded. "Good." She turned to her mother. "I want to walk."_

"Why are we walking back and forth along this damn beach?" Erik wanted to know.

"I like the ocean," Benoit replied.

Erik stopped in his tracks and let out a scream that startled the seagulls. "We are walking on this damn beach because I cannot hear what is going on up there," he flung an arm to the top of the cliff and the barely visible top of the cottage.

"Aye."

"Will you stop the one word answers!" Erik shouted and stamped his feet like a spoiled child.

"Perhaps," Benoit replied as he continued his way down the beach, the smirk on his face invisible to the man fuming behind him. The smirk became a delighted laugh as another frustrated scream echoed in the late morning air.

_"How much longer?" Tallis asked as she knelt beside the bed, her hands tightly clenched around the bedding._

_"I need you to get into the bed so I can check," David told her, nodding over her head at Lorraine._

_Tallis felt the hands beneath her elbows, preparing to help her to her feet. "Wait!" she told them as she turned her face into the mattress. "There is another one starting." She burrowed her face deeper into the soft bed, muffling the screams. As one pain faded away another arrived to take its place and the screams grew increasingly hoarse until they stopped altogether. Tallis' face reappeared as she turned her head to the side. "I am being torn apart," she croaked._

_"I think it is time," David said with a nod to the midwife who waited patiently by the side table piled with supplies._

_"Thank God," Tallis managed as she felt herself raised to her feet. She looked at her mother. "Remember, you promised."_

_Lorraine nodded, unable to trust her voice._

_"Promised what?" David wondered._

_Tallis was turned around and seated on the bed. She raised her face to the man before her. "My baby comes first."_

Erik squinted against the bright summer sun reflected off the ocean waves. "There was another afternoon I spent on a beach with an expectant mother. She had great words of wisdom to offer to me." He turned to the man sitting beside him on the massive piece of driftwood. "You are not about to do anything so foolish," Erik's facial muscles betrayed the fear and apprehension he was feeling and made him look frightening, " are you?"

Benoit was not afraid. "No," he turned from Erik and looked out at the sea. The tide was going out, the pounding waves of high tide gentling, stilling as Nature commanded its own. _Much like it always does_, the thought came and quickly turned to the commands Nature was ordering to his daughter. Benoit turned from Nature at the moment and looked to his God, offering up a prayer for the safe delivery of daughter and grandchild.

His actions did not escape Erik's notice. "You are praying," Erik stated and snorted at Benoit's nod. "As if that would do any good."

"What harm can it do?"

"Harm? Harm?" Erik shouted as he rose to his feet and began to pace, feet angrily kicking at the sand. "I have been praying to this God everyone professes to have faith in since Tallis first told me we were to be parents again. All I asked for was for a perfect child for its perfect mother." He paused momentarily to look at his father-in-law. "And what do I get? Hmmm?" He resumed pacing. "I shall tell you what I got! I got nothing but sleepless nights and fears! I got no answers! I found no peace!" He raised his head to the sky. "Why do I even bother?" he shouted to the heavens.

Benoit continued to look out at the ocean. "The hardest thing in this life, Erik, is to have faith in something you cannot see or touch." He raised a single hand to his head. "It is one thing to say you know there is a God." The hand moved down to his heart. "It is quite another to know it here. And I know it here." His lips compressed into a tight smile. "It is the hardest thing I have had to do in my life – to trust in God and accept His Will for my life. And it is the only thing that has brought me peace I could not understand the world about me." He sighed deeply and finally turned to look at Erik. "To give up one's pride and humble themselves before another to ask for help takes more strength than you realize."

"You call my bargaining with your God a plea for help?"

"What do you call it?"

Erik was silent for a long moment before he hung his head. "I do not know." He returned to the driftwood, sinking heavily to a sitting position. "I am not a religious man. I have never professed a faith in any kind of God and I only trusted myself and what I could do." He turned to look at Benoit, a sad smile on his face. "Until I met Tallis. She believes in me even when I do not believe in myself and that," he emphasized the word, "is the only reason I even bargain with God. If I thought for one moment that anything I could do would ensure that Tallis and our child would survive this birth, I would do it without question."

"This is not about you!" Benoit exclaimed, taking a perverse pleasure in the shocked look that passed over Erik's face. "This is about my daughter and my grandchild and nothing you can do will change what is happening." A look of such certainty shone out from Benoit's eyes that it caught Erik off guard. "The only thing you can do is to trust her to someone else." His voice grew soft. "Much like I trusted her to you." Benoit turned back to the ocean, his words leaving Erik in stunned silence.

_Suddenly the voice she was certain came from the end of the bed grew quiet. "Wrong," Tallis whispered, turning her head toward her mother. "Something's wrong."_

_Mister Pendleton lifted his head and shook it once at Lorraine before she turned to the young woman clasping her hand so tightly. She reached for the cloth on the sweat-soaked pillow and ran it over her daughter's forehead. "Tallis, I need you to listen to me," she said softly. "There is a problem."_

_Somewhere in the distance Tallis heard the command to not push. "I have to push," she said, her voice scratchy. _

"_You must breathe through the contraction," Lorraine said, grabbing Tallis' face in her free hand. "You must breathe!"_

_Tallis yanked her head away and rubbed it into the pillow desperately seeking some coolness, some comfort. She fought against her own body and breathed through one contraction. She smiled at her mother. "I did it," she began and her words turned into a moan, her back arching up off the mattress. As her body tried to rip itself in half, Tallis struggled to obey the voice that kept urging her to breathe and not push. One single thought helped to keep her focus. "Baby… first…" she panted as she tried to see her mother's face. "You promised."_

"_Your baby comes first," Lorraine assured her daughter, hoping her voice was calm and reassuring._

"_Pull her legs back," Mister Pendleton ordered the midwife and Lorraine. "Tallis, look at me," he commanded, getting and holding her attention. "When I tell you to push, I want you to push as hard as you can. Do you understand me?"_

"_Tired… too tired…"_

_Mister Pendleton's tone softened but still demanded attention. "Tallis, one last huge push and then it will be over."_

_Tallis overcame a body that seemed to be betraying her and lifted herself up on shaky arms. It was then she saw the blood soaked bedding. Tears slipped away as she felt her mother's free arm go about her shoulders, supporting her back. "Sorry… Erik…" she whispered, closing her eyes and finding the last reserve of strength. "Baby… first…"_

He had awoken that morning to the sun turning the sky over the Atlantic a warm gold. He had watched the sun's progress as it had risen ever higher in the summer sky, brightening the landscape, bringing the world to life. He had paced along the beach as the sun reached its zenith high overhead. The afternoon had been hot, not even the ocean breeze able to bring relief – to either the day or the fever in his heart and soul. And now Erik sat on the beach, watching as the sun began its long, slow descent toward the western horizon. "What is going on up there?" he wondered to no one in particular.

"A miracle," Benoit replied softly.

"Michael did not take this long," Erik told him, hanging his head in his hands.

"Every child is different." Benoit lifted a hand to shade his eyes as he looked out over the ocean. "Lorraine and I have had seven and each birth was different from the one before it." He laughed softly. "And no matter how much you think you are prepared, you never are." He turned toward Erik. "Do you think you are the only one who has ever feared for his wife? Do you think you are the only one who has ever bargained with God?"

"Yes," Erik sighed angrily and then, "No. I don't know." His head remained in his hands but he turned to look at Benoit. "But Lorraine's life was not hanging in the balance."

"Nothing about birthing a child is ever certain." Benoit's head nodded. "Each birth is a struggle and a danger but it is also a promise. These children are the promise we make that we believe there will be future. They are the memories we send into that future. Nothing is ever certain, Erik."

"I am certain I love your daughter."

"Except for love."

_Lorraine stared in wonder at the small infant crying weakly in her arms. _

_David Pendleton turned to the midwife. "I will finish here," he said. "There is a bell by the front door, go and ring it. It should bring her husband back." The midwife left the room and David turned to Lorraine. "Do you want to tell him or should I?"_

_"It will be better coming from me," she said softly._

The familiar sound of the bell by the front door of his home rang out from the top of the cliff causing Erik to jump to his feet. "Oh God," he breathed.

"Erik…" Benoit tried unsuccessfully as he rose to his feet, Erik already running for the path that led upward from the beach. "Erik," he grumbled and took off after the slightly younger man. Benoit finally caught up to Erik as he reached the top of the path. Erik stood there, breathless and sweating. "Gather yourself together," he warned. "You do not want Tallis to see you like this!"

Erik managed a nod, breathing heavily. "I do not hear anything," he panted as a frightened look grew on his face. "Should I not be hearing a baby's cries?"

Benoit tossed his head toward the front of the cottage. "The front door is closed."

"Not for long," Erik told him as he dashed off for his home.

"Damn impossible man," Benoit muttered as he drew a breath and followed on Erik's heels.

Erik reached the front door of the cottage and burst in. He hung onto the door for a moment, his heart pounding in his chest, his lungs screaming their protests at the sudden and prolonged burst of energy. Even over the loud sound he was making as he tried to catch his breath, Erik could hear the faint sounds of a baby crying. He heard the sound of Benoit's footsteps on the front walk but left Tallis' father behind as he ran for the bedroom he shared with his wife. Tallis' mother was just closing the door as he skidded to a halt before it. Lorraine turned to him.

"You have a daughter, Erik," Lorraine told him, smiling through her tears.

Erik did not hear her words. "My wife?"

"Erik," Lorraine tried again, "you have a daughter. A beautiful, perfect little girl." She looked briefly at her husband who had appeared behind Erik. An unspoken language had developed over the years of her marriage and Lorraine did not need words for her husband. Her chin trembled slightly as she watched Benoit's head shake once.

"What about Tallis?" Erik demanded.

"A daughter," Lorraine repeated. "A beautiful, perfect little girl."

Erik closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath through his nose, the tension and fear evident in every muscle in his body. "What about my wife?" he screamed.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Summary:** Erik's sons name their new sister and the title of this story is explained.

_**Author's Note:**__ After the evil cliffhanger of this morning, how better to end this Mother's Day? To all the mother's out there - Thank you for all that you do!_

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

The door to the bedroom had never seemed like such an insurmountable obstacle. The bedroom was normally a sanctuary, a place of peace where he could rest easy and without fear. Once it had been a place of forbidden temptation as he had crept around in the comfortable darkness. Then the temptation had become the reality of dreams fulfilled and the bedroom had taken an aura of almost mystical proportion. Had this day been a day like any other, he would have eagerly burst through the door, unable to resist the siren call of dreams and the peace that followed. But today was not like any other day and Erik stood before the door, his hand hesitating on the latch, as he gathered his strength to face what lay just beyond. He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly as the latch moved and the door opened. He stepped into the room and closed the door quietly behind him.

But not quietly enough.

She was whiter than the clean sheets that cocooned her body. Her pallor only accentuated the warm color of the brown hair spread out on the white pillows, the purple smudges beneath her eyes. She was so still but managed to look up from the infant resting in her arms at the sound of the door. A momentary smile graced her lips before it disappeared. "Erik," came the barely audible whisper as Tallis' eyes closed.

Erik was at her side in a heartbeat, falling to his knees beside the bed, a single hand reaching out to brush away a stray lock of damp hair. Even with the knowledge that it was the middle of a hot August day and that she had just struggled to give birth to his daughter, Tallis' skin felt too warm beneath his fingers. Erik knew that the physician stood guard at the end of the bed; it was a small comfort. He could hear movement in the cottage from beyond the closed bedroom door; it meant that life continued on. Somewhere in the anxiety that clouded his mind, he knew all that. A part of him could rationalize the world about him. Yet the biggest part of his mind, his heart, his soul focused on the trembling woman before him.

"You're shaking," Erik said, a frown creasing his features.

"It is to be expected," David Pendleton's words penetrated the fog in which Erik found himself wrapped. "Tallis has worked very hard."

Tallis moved her head slightly so that it brushed against her daughter's. "Look at her, Erik," she said. "She is perfect." Eyelids opened, fluttering beneath the strain to keep them open. "Your daughter is perfect."

Only the command from her lips could have forced Erik to look away. His eyes moved slightly and widened in surprise as he finally saw the baby wrapped in a yellow blanket. A hand reached out, hesitantly at first, to touch the face not marred by the same deformity that touched him, that touched his sons. The skin beneath his finger was incredibly soft; the tiny head capped by wispy hair the same golden brown as her mother's. As he traced her brow, the baby's mouth opened in a yawn resembling a heart; Erik was under her spell from that moment. "So perfect," he whispered and turned his eyes back to her mother. "She's so perfect!" He leaned forward, giving his wife a gentle kiss of love and thanks. "I love you."

Tallis managed a small nod. "I love you." Her eyes closed. "Take your daughter."

Erik rose to his feet and lifted the infant into his arms.

"Tired," Tallis breathed.

His daughter cradled safely in the crook of one arm, Erik took his other hand and brushed the fingertips across his wife's lips. "Sleep," he said, his voice holding a familiar melodic note. "Sleep." He turned his head at the touch on his arm. David Pendleton was at his side, nodding toward the door. Erik followed him out, holding the littlest of angels in his arms. "Is she going to be all right?" he wondered, the trepidation evident in his voice.

"Erik" David began on a sigh, "your wife had a very difficult time."

"Is she going to be all right?" he repeated, very aware of the sleeping child in his arms.

"Time will tell." David could see the exasperation in Erik's expression. "She lost more blood than I would have liked." He held up a hand as Erik's mouth opened. "She is not hemorrhaging but I am concerned about how weak this has left her. She is already running a slight fever." David watched as Erik's eyes drifted down to his daughter. "Do not fret over your child – she truly is perfect and healthy. I have already made arrangements for her feeding. What we need to do now is watch your wife over the next few days."

Erik's eyes remained focused on the baby. "What do we need to do?"

"Let Tallis sleep as much as she needs. Keep her quiet and still so that she can heal. Make sure she takes nourishment – broth preferably – when she awakes. Even if all she manages is a few sips, she must have something."

"Is there not something else you can do?" Erik raised his eyes. "Some new medical treatment. Something!"

David was still for a moment, knowing the effect his next words would have. "Your wife has forbidden me from doing anything." He knew his patient and her husband so well; the color completely drained from Erik's face save for the angry red scarring.

"What?" he hissed angrily.

"Erik, your wife made me promise months ago that I would not do anything beyond the normal requirements for delivering her child. And she made her parents promise that this child you hold would come first."

An angry huff slipped from Erik's lips and faded away into a sad sigh. "She would," he whispered as he drew his daughter clos to his heart, knowing that he would honor those same requests for he honored the woman who had made them.

"And, Erik, there can be no more children," David continued. "There will be no more children."

The muscles at the sides of his jaw clenched and unclenched as Erik struggled with the tidal wave of emotions that threatened to drown him. "That is the last thing on my mind," he replied. "I only want…" He smiled down at his daughter. "I just want her mother well again."

David nodded. "We all do." He took Erik by the elbow and guided him to the living area. "I am going to return to town for a few hours but I shall be back later this evening to look in upon Tallis. The midwife is going to stay for the night and knows what to do should anything untoward happen."

"I will not allow that," Erik muttered, his tone dark and grim.

"I am sure you will not," David told him with a smile and gathered the jacket that rested on the back of the sofa, slipping it on, adjusting the sleeves. "I will be back later – sooner if you need me."

Erik nodded, his attention entirely focused upon his daughter. "What am I going to do with you?" he whispered, barely hearing the front door open and close as David left. He moved to sit on sofa, painfully aware of the precious gift he held in his arms. "What am I going to do with you?" he repeated and received no answer. He finally moved the blanket away to look at the rest of his newest child. She had long fingers and the same high arched feet that her mother possessed. He ran his hand down her arms and legs, over the softly rounded belly. There was not a single imperfection that Erik could find and his hand moved up to caress her tiny head as fear welled up in the deepest part of his soul. This child did not have any of his outward imperfections but what of his inward failures? Would his character flaws, his impatience, his darkness, the evil he fought so hard against, mar this perfect little angel? "My grand symphony," Erik whispered. "You will be perfect." He bent and kissed her forehead. "You are perfect."

"She is," Lorraine said as she entered from the kitchen, her face red and blotchy from tears shed where none could see them. "Benoit is taking the dogs for a walk."

"On the moor," Erik finished for her. He had truly come to understand the man who had fathered the woman he loved. Had it not been for the child in his arms, he would have done the same. The moors were still and silent, centuries of knowledge hidden amidst their sticks and stones. A man could release his fears out there in the surety that they would be forever secret. Erik nearly envied Benoit the time spent with the dogs.

"Tallis is sleeping?" Lorraine wondered.

"Yes," Erik said, never taking his eyes from his daughter. "I do not know what to do with her. Mister Pendleton said Tallis needs sleep but the moment she hears the baby I know she will awaken. And how am I to feed her? Tallis would never forgive me if something were to happen to this baby." His voice cracked. "I have waited all my life for perfection – to be able to create such beauty. Now I hold it in my arms and I am at a loss as to what to do with it." He shook his head, fighting back the tears. "I begged and pleaded and bargained with your God to give Tallis a perfect child – one not marked by the evil that marks me." Erik finally lifted his head to the woman standing before him. "What price is this God exacting now? What is my turning to Him going to cost?"

Anger quickly displaced the fear that still wrapped itself around Lorraine's heart. She sat down next to Erik, sinking her fingers into his arm. "Stop it!" she ordered him. "Just stop it! What would Tallis do if she could hear your words?"

The infant in his arms wriggled and instinctively Erik patted her bottom. That simple action caused him to hang his head in shame. "She would never forgive me."

Lorraine relented. "She would forgive you because she loves you." She released her claw-like grip upon his arm. "But, Erik, you cannot and you must not despair!" Lorraine smiled upon her granddaughter. "Tallis fought very hard to bring this child into the world. I was amazed at her strength and resolve! She trusted that God would see her safely to motherhood again. Do not belittle her efforts or her faith by mocking them!"

"I just… I just…" Erik began and stopped. "I do not know what I am supposed to think. I do not know what I am supposed to feel. All I know is I finally have everything I have ever wanted here in my arms and suddenly it is not enough." He turned to look over his shoulder in the direction of the room where his wife slept. "I want Tallis to be here with me. I want to enjoy our daughter together!"

"She will be fine! It will just take time and all the love and care we can give her."

Erik laughed sadly. "You seem so certain."

"I have faith," Lorraine replied softly.

"I wish I knew how to hold to faith like you do. I seem to only want it when I need it."

"That is why it is called faith." A single hand went to rest upon the baby's chest. "We have faith it will be there when we want it to be there." Lorraine cooed at the child, smiling at the soft sound that escaped Erik's lips. "And this little girl will also be fine. Your physician has made arrangements for a wet nurse until Tallis is capable of feeding her. And I have fed many baby animals by hand so my granddaughter will not want for anything. She is loved and will be well cared for."

"How is that you can make me feel so loved and like such a fool all at the same moment?"

"It is what mother's do." Lorraine lifted her eyes to Erik. "I understand your fears, your apprehensions but you must also remember that you are a father and your boys will be here in a few moments, wanting to see their new sister. You must introduce her to them and be calm and reassuring when they ask about their mother."

Erik's eyes closed in pain. "The boys," he breathed. "I had forgotten about the boys."

"Well, you have been a bit distracted."

What Erik might or might not have replied was forestalled by the sound of the front door bursting open, quickly followed by two small boys rushing in.

"Baby, baby, baby," Michael chorused.

"Is the baby here?" Gabriel wanted to know.

"Shhh," Erik warned them, smiling as both boys stopped suddenly before him. "Your sister is sleeping."

"Baby," Michael said, a huge grin lighting up his face.

"It's a little girl," Gabriel breathed, his voice full of awe and wonder.

Erik could not help but smile at his sons. He had promised Tallis he would be the father she knew him to be and as he looked upon Gabriel and Michael, Erik knew he would have no trouble keeping that promise. His sons looked upon him, upon their sister, eyes bright, faces eager and Erik could see the love shining from them. His gaze traveled back to his daughter and saw the same innocence in her sleeping face. They trusted him and loved him without question – the first beings in his life who had ever done so. How could he let them down? How could he let their mother down? "Come closer," Erik bade them softly. "But you must speak in gentle tones for your sister is sleeping." He moved the top of the blanket down, uncovering his daughter's face. "This is your sister," he said simply.

Michael rested his hands upon his father's leg. "Oooh," he whispered.

Gabriel echoed his little brother's sentiments. "She is so pretty!" He looked expectantly at his father. "Can I touch her?"

"Yes, but you must be very careful."

"I promise," Gabriel assured him and reached out to touch his baby sister's hand. He smiled at his father. "She is so soft and so little!"

The memory of Gabriel resting in his cradle before the hearth brightened Erik's face. "You were this small once, as well?"

Gabriel looked doubtful. "Really?"

Erik's nod was solemn. "Yes." He looked at Michael. "You were this small, too."

"Can kiss the baby?" Michael wanted to know.

"I think she would like that." Erik moved his daughter toward her little brother, watching as Michael placed a sloppy kiss upon her cheek. He turned the baby around in his arms so that Gabriel could kiss her. The baby responded to her brothers by wiggling her legs before settling down once again in her father's strong arms. "She likes that."

Michael found that amusing. "Kiss baby lots!" he giggled and grinned at his sister. "Princess."

"She is like a princess," Gabriel agreed, reaching out to touch the wispy hair. "Like a little golden princess."

"Orla," a new voice was heard and Erik looked up to see Moira standing just behind his sons.

"I did not even see you there."

Moira nodded. "I know. I brought the boys down when we were told Tallis had had her child. Everyone at Trevinny sends their love."

Erik nodded tightly. "Wait… what did you say?"

"Orla."

"What is that?" Erik was confused.

"Gabriel called your daughter a little golden princess. In the Gaelic tongue Orla means golden princess," Moira explained.

"Orla," Erik breathed returning his attention to his daughter. "Orla," he repeated, a smile growing. He looked up at Moira. "I do believe my daughter just got her name." He closed his eyes for a moment. "Thank you," he mouthed to her as they opened again.

A single nod expressed Moira's emotion.

"Where's Mama?" Gabriel interrupted.

"Mama is sleeping," Erik told him. "Remember she told you that having a baby is very hard work and Mama worked very hard, indeed. So she needs her sleep." Erik would not lie to his children but they did not need to know everything. "Would you like to just look in your mama?"

"Yes, Papa."

"Take Orla," Erik said as he handed the baby to Lorraine, loving the sound of the baby's name upon his lips. He rose to his feet and took his sons by the hands. "Let us go and see your mother." He guided his sons from the living area to the bedroom, stopping before the door. "Remember, you must be quiet for Mama is sleeping." He looked upon them with great solemnity. "Promise me."

"Promise," Michael answered, bouncing upon his toes as usual.

Gabriel nodded his head and Erik opened the door. Tallis was as he had left her – sound asleep on their bed. Erik stood in the open doorway, a child in each hand, watching the rise and fall of his wife's chest, reassuring himself that she still breathed.

"Mama must be very tired," Gabriel whispered as he looked up at his father.

"She is." Erik smiled down at his sons. "Would you both like to do a very grown up, very gentlemanly thing for Mama?"

"Big boy! Wanna be a big boy!" It seemed there would never be anything that could dampen Michael's enthusiasm.

"Yes, please. Me, too."

"Then do what I do," Erik told them as he led them into the bedroom. He let go of their hands as they stopped by the bedside. He reached down and raised Tallis' nearest hand to his lips, kissing it gently and putting it back on the bed. He looked the faces turned to him in question. "A gentleman does always kiss the lady's hand. It is a very grown-up way of saying 'I love you'," he explained.

It took no prodding for Gabriel to follow his father's actions. Carefully he took his mother's hand and kissed it, smiling at his father. "I like that," he stated.

Erik placed a hand on Gabriel's shoulder in a sign of pride, acknowledgment and love. He turned to the child on his left who was tugging at his pant leg.

"Help me, Papa," he asked.

"Always," Erik promised and lifted Michael into his arms, and over the bed. He waited as Michael kissed his mother's hand and lowered the child back to the floor. "Very nicely done," he said and turned to Gabriel. "Both of you." He gave a longing glance to the woman who had not moved. "Now, let us go for your mother needs her rest and I think your sister may be missing you already."

Later that evening as he sat by his wife's side, Erik found himself missing his children even though he knew they were only asleep in their beds. He shook his head in wonder at the fact that only that morning he had been the father of two bright, energetic sons and now there was a perfect little girl for those boys to love and look after. In the space of several very long hours his family had grown from four to five and he had another beautiful female face to gaze upon. Yet it was the female face before him that commanded his attention. It was a face that he had grown to cherish, a face he wanted to continue to cherish for many long years to come. Erik raised the hand he held to his lips.

"A gentleman does always kiss the lady's hand," he whispered to the darkened room.

"I love you, too," came the hoarse reply.

"Tallis," Erik said, watching as her head turned on the pillow, her eyes opening. In the soft light from the candles, he thought he saw a bit of color returned to her cheeks and it did his heart good.

"Where's my baby?"

"Orla is safe and sound asleep in the spare bedroom where her grandparents are now staying."

Tallis frowned. "Orla?"

Erik chuckled. "Michael said that your daughter looked like a princess. Gabriel – as he usually does – corrected his brother and said that she was a golden princess. Moira was here at the time and said that Orla is Gaelic for golden princess." He kissed her hand again. "Your sons gave your daughter her name."

"Orla," Tallis breathed and smiled weakly. "I like that."

"And she is beautiful and perfect and I do not know how we – your husband and your sons – will ever be able to thank you enough for our golden princess."

Tallis eyes started to close. "You just did."

Erik reached out his free hand and caressed his wife's warm brow. "Sleep," he told her. "Sleep and get well." He could feel the tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. "You have three children who need your love." He lifted her hand to his lips and kept it there, whispering against it. "And you have a husband who needs his soul."

A tired voice answered back from the darkness. "Damn impossible man."


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Summary:** In the aftermath of Orla's birth, Erik finds himself dealing with emotional storms raging inside the sanctuary of his home while outside, Nature begins to brew a storm of her own.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

So the hours ticked by in the cottage by the sea. Nature pounded ocean waves against rocky coastline and breezes blew them back out to unknown depths. Shadows lengthened as the sun set and birds chirped greeting as it rose again. Day slowly surrendered to the dark depths of night and night reluctantly gave way to the bright glory of day. The world continued to revolve and life continued to go on. Each chime from the long case clock in the great room of the cottage heralded another heartbeat, signaling another fear conquered. And with each chime, each revolution, each tide, her chest rose and fell as she continued to draw breath despite the unending stillness that wrapped itself about her.

"No more," Tallis said, a single hand weakly pushing away the cup at her lips.

"Just one more sip," Erik pleaded.

"No. Sleep"

Erik's lips pursed into a tight line as he fought back the urge to shake the woman resting before him. "One more sip and then you can sleep," he replied, his voice holding a strangely compelling note as his free hand lifted Tallis' head a bit more. Her lips opened as a single finger massaged the side of her throat, forcing the liquid down, before Erik took away the cup and placed her head back on the pillow. "Good girl," he whispered. "Now you may sleep."

"I'm sorry," Tallis said as she gripped her husband's wrist with more strength than she knew she possessed.

He wanted to shout at her for such foolishness. "You have nothing for which to apologize," Erik said instead, his voice calm and reassuring.

"Everything hurts." Tallis winced slightly as she tried to roll toward Erik. "I cannot keep my eyes open. I cannot hug my sons. I cannot hold my baby." A single tear slipped away. "I am a terrible mother."

Those words coming from her was all it took. "I never want to hear those words from your lips again!" he growled as he grabbed her chin and turned her face toward his. "You are strong and courageous and the best mother I have ever known."

"But my babies," Tallis began as her eyes began to close.

"Their father has them well in hand," Erik assured her as he bent forward and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Go to sleep and dream sweet dreams of Gabriel," a finger traced her brow, "and Michael," it moved gently across a pale cheek, "and tiny Orla," the finger danced across her lips. There was no response to his touch and Erik knew his wife had again slipped away to a place he could not follow; it frightened him.

Orla was now two days old and Tallis had done nothing but sleep from the moment she had bidden Erik pick up their child. She could barely keep her eyes open long enough to sip at the strong broth her mother prepared. The visits from David Pendleton evoked the strongest response from Tallis as she moaned in pain at the least little touch. Trained in London, he had spent his entire working life among the people who lived and worked in the strip of land between the moor and the ocean. He had seen and learned much that had never been taught in books. It was that learning of a lifetime that permitted David to offer the hope that Tallis' family needed. He did not make promises he could not keep but did allow as to how each moment that passed, each breath that was drawn was another step along the road that would see Tallis well and strong again. They were words that her family clung to in the midst of the chaos that welcomed the newest family member.

As Erik closed the door to the bedroom leaving his wife in a world he did not understand, struggling against the very nature that urged him to follow her, a familiar screech greeted his ears and he heaved an angry sigh. It was all he could do to not storm into the great room and shake the child he knew created the grating noise. "Michael," he growled as he left the bedroom hallway. "Mama needs her sleep!"

Michael stood in the middle of the room, his normally happy expression replaced by a pronounced pout. A little foot stamped on the stone floor as his mouth opened again.

"If you screech one more time, I am going to take you over my knee and paddle your bottom," Erik threatened his youngest son, his voice reminiscent of one heard far too often from the shadows of a distant opera house.

Michael stared at the man before him, not seeing his father but a scary monster. It was too much. He broke into tears as his little legs gave out and he plopped down on the floor. A thumb went into his mouth and his entire body shook with his sobs.

From the other hallway his grandmother appeared with a sleeping Orla in her arms. Lorraine looked at Michael and then at an exasperated Erik. "What did you do?" she asked.

Erik was affronted "I did nothing! I was with Tallis and when she went back to sleep, I came out here and he," he thrust an accusing finger at his sobbing son, "went into hysterics."

"Michael…" Lorraine began as she approached him and stopped as Michael looked at her and began to screech again.

"That is enough," Erik growled and took a single step forward.

"No," Lorraine said softly, catching Erik's attention. She nodded almost imperceptibly at Michael and then at the baby in her arms, fighting back a chuckle as Erik rolled his eyes. She turned on her heel and quietly disappeared back the way she had come.

"Michael," Erik tried again, his tone of voice tempering, softening. He walked across the room, always conscious of the all too familiar gray eyes that watched him. He sat in the chair that he had claimed as his own. He continued to watch Michael, waiting until the sobs that shook his little body finally faded away into the silent tears that left angry red tracks on his cheeks. Erik held out his hands. "Michael," he repeated.

Michael shook his head.

Erik withdrew his hands. "Do you not want to come and sit on my lap and tell me what is wrong?"

The child's bottom lip began to tremble and his head shook back and forth.

"Michael, please," Erik asked, arms once again opening. "Come here and tell me what is wrong."

Michael let out a low screech before getting to his feet and running into the open arms of his father. As Erik lifted him onto his lap, Michael wrapped his arms about his father's neck and buried his head in his shoulder.

He gave the child a moment to cry, rubbing Michael's back and feeling the sobs slowly begin to lessen. "Now," Erik began softly, "can you tell me what is wrong?" A muffled response was his answer. "Pardon?" Another muffled response and Erik moved his hand up to the back of his son's head. "I cannot hear you if you hide your face from me." His hand gently moved Michael's head so that the child was looking at him. "What is wrong?"

Michael removed his thumb long enough to say, "Send baby back."

Erik was speechless.

"Me baby!" Michael said and slapped his father's arm. "Not Orla."

Still speechless and now confused, Erik found no words of comfort to offer his son; it only evoked the start of another tantrum.

"What seems to be the problem?" Benoit wanted to know as he came through the front door. He had been to town on errands and carried a bag from the chemist with powders to ease his daughter's pain. He placed the bag down and took the child who was reaching for him from Erik. Benoit kissed his grandson and hugged him close. "What is the problem?"

"I do not know," Erik growled as he glared at his youngest son.

"Me baby!" Michael declared.

"Ah." The father of five nodded knowingly as he cupped the child's cheek. "Michael, you are still your mama's baby but," he placed a finger against Michael's lips as they opened, "you are no longer the youngest. That is your sister and you need to be a big boy now. If you were a big boy, then you could help your papa around the house." The tears stopped. "And you could have lessons with Gabriel." The pout faded away. "And you could help take care of Orla." Michael looked doubtful at that. "And you could even help take care of your mama until she is well again." Benoit shook his head. "Babies cannot do those things. All babies can do is sleep and cry until they get big," he smiled, "like you. You are a big boy now and we love you as a big boy. And we love you as a baby. And we love you just for being Michael." Benoit waited, hoping he had said the right words.

"Me a big boy!" Michael chirped happily, all feelings of being left behind gone at the thought of being able to help around the house.

"And big boys get to take the dogs for a walk on the moor with their grandfather." Benoit put Michael down and grinned lopsidedly at a confused Erik as he was pulled toward the back door.

"Walk, walk, walk!" Michael insisted as he disappeared out the kitchen door with his grandfather, leaving a very confused father staring after them.

"I do not get it," Erik whispered to the empty room. "What did I miss?" He looked up as Lorraine returned, no baby in her arms. "Where is my daughter?"

"Sound asleep in her cradle," Lorraine said as she sat in the chair next to Erik's. She smiled. "She is such a good baby."

"That will not last," Erik grumped.

"Erik," Lorraine sighed, touching his arm, drawing his attention, "Orla is a good baby considering how she came into this world. She could be irritable and not wish to be held. She could cry incessantly. She could refuse to eat. Instead she cries only when she needs to be fed or changed. She is happy to be held. She is a good baby and she will be a good person as she grows."

"Unlike Michael."

Lorraine's laughter echoed about the room. "There is nothing wrong with Michael!"

Erik's hand thrust toward the closed kitchen door. "Then who was the person who just walked out the door?"

"It was Michael."

"That was not my child!" Erik insisted and grew silent for a moment. "No," his head drooped, "that was my child."

The urge to slap her daughter's husband nearly overwhelmed Lorraine. How many letters had Tallis sent her over these last years in which she spoke of her husband's mood swings? Lorraine had worried about the man who shared her daughter's home and bed, only speaking of it to her own husband. She had seen the mood swings during infrequent visits but never with the intensity of the last few days. Yet Tallis loved her husband and seemed to manage his constantly changing emotions with grace and aplomb. Lorraine only hoped she could do the same until Tallis was well enough to reclaim her family. "That was a little boy who is feeling very jealous of all the attention his new sister is receiving," Lorraine told him. "It happens – especially when the new child receives the attention of everyone around them. The other children can feel a little left out." She frowned slightly at Erik. "I think you should understand that."

Erik's frown matched her own. "So… you are telling me that Michael is fine he is just jealous?"

"Yes."

"That I understand," Erik nodded, a hand reaching up to ruffle already ruffled hair. "What have I done to my children?"

Lorraine rose to her feet and poked at his chest. "You have done nothing!" She was agitated and her voice reflected her emotional state. "It is perfectly normal for Michael to feel jealous! All he needs is some extra attention from you, from his grandfather – from all of us! He just needs some time with each of us without being interrupted by Orla. Gabriel will probably need the same thing." Now she was fuming. "And you need to stop being such a fool and such a spoiled child! You need to grow up and be a man!" Lorraine turned on her heel and stormed from the room.

Erik heard a door open and close as he rose to his feet, his own emotions roiling just beneath his surface. He took a single step toward the hallway down which Lorraine had disappeared and thought better of it. Something else was calling, something darker and colder than a room where an infant slept blissfully unaware of the turmoil that had come in her wake. He turned neatly on his heel and stalked down the other hallway, to the other side of the cottage. He passed by a closed bedroom door, thinking nothing of the woman sleeping behind it. He was going back to the only place he had known any control. He was sinking back to the depths of the opera house. And while he could not reach those depths from the west coast of England, the door at the end of the hallway and the sanctuary beyond it, would return him to a world he understood. It would return him to the shadows of the opera house. It would allow him to hide in those shadows, behind the mask, away from a world of light and humanity. As he entered the music room at the north end of the cottage, Erik could feel the Phantom taking hold and he smiled as the door clicked shut behind him.

Even for a late summer afternoon, the room was slightly chilled, long shadows emanating from each piece of furniture. The fireplace was cold and dark, matching the feeling in which Erik found himself wrapped. He could not feel anything but the cold, could not see anything but the piano against the back wall. The ebony and ivory keys gleamed in the low light from the windows, calling to him, urging him forward. He drew a deep breath as he walked toward the piano, each step across the room pulling him deeper and deeper into depths he had struggled to forget. Erik moved the piano bench out, the screeching across the wood floor, harsh and grating against sensitive ears. As Erik took a seat, fingers pounded against the keys, the sound just as grating. It did not go unnoticed.

"That's not music," a voice from the shadows stated.

Startled, Erik turned around and found Gabriel seated in one of the high-backed wing chairs. "What are you doing here?" he growled.

"I like the quiet," Gabriel replied, his voice holding the same menacing note as his father's.

Silence descended up the room as father and son stared at each other – Erik stunned, Gabriel certain.

Gabriel hunched down in the chair, seeming to want to bury himself in it. "It's too noisy out there. Michael is being a baby and screaming all over the place. Orla does nothing but cry. Grandpa is busy taking care of Michael and Grandma is busy taking care of Orla." He glared at his father. "You are busy taking care of Mama and no one is taking care of me. So I come here because no one does anymore." He looked around the room. "I like it here. It is still and quiet." A strange smile crossed his face. "I can hear the music in the silence. I like the music." He returned his eyes to his father. "Like when you made me listen to the sound in my heart and we made the lullaby for Mama." Gabriel's eyes slowly closed and he let out a long sigh. "I love the music in the dark and the quiet."

Gabriel's words reduced his father to a shocked shell of a man. In his worries that his youngest son was too much like him, in his fears that his perfect daughter would be touched by his madness, Erik had never contemplated that his eldest child would be marked by both. He sat across from Gabriel, listening to the vocal harmonies from his son that echoed in his mind, and wondered at the power in the young voice. He had spent a lifetime learning to perfect those tones that commanded attention, that compelled his will upon another and a mere child now held that power without trying. Erik shook his head, clearing the sounds from his mind, feeling a fear rising within his breast – how could he ever hope to control this child who could – even now at a young age – control him? How could he ever hope to prevent Gabriel from falling into a world of cold and shadows? How could he ever stop Gabriel from becoming the one thing Erik had spent the last years running away from? How could he prevent Gabriel from becoming The Phantom?

"At least you are quiet," Gabriel said as he opened his eyes.

And in that moment Erik knew that his son would never succumb to the demons that would always haunt him. Yes, the child held his power – it was the gift that had been bestowed upon Gabriel at the moment of his birth. It was the power to create music, to mold the world about him to his will. It was something that came to his son without trying and it amazed Erik. But looking upon his first-born child, the child that had never even been a dream in his life until the moment he had drawn breath, Erik saw a soul shining out through eyes that color of the evening fog. It was the child's redemption. It was the redemption for all his children. It was his redemption. It was the gift of the woman who was lost in her own world of shadows. Tallis had bequeathed a part of her soul to him and through him to their children. Erik only hoped she had kept enough of her soul for herself.

"Well?" Gabriel's voice cut through his thoughts.

"Do you often come here to listen to the silence?" Erik wanted to know.

Gabriel shook his head. "No. I can hear the music in the silence everywhere." He sat up a bit straighter. "I just thought…"

"What?"

"I thought having a new baby would be fun." Gabriel scooted to the edge of his seat. "I thought I could help Mama take care of the baby and tell the baby stories and sing songs and everything." A worried look crossed his face. "But Mama is so sick and no one lets me help with the baby and Michael doesn't want to play with me and I don't like it." He got to his feet. "I don't want to be alone!" He broke into tears and rushed into his father's arms.

Erik held his arms at his side, momentarily caught off guard by Gabriel's actions. He had not expected his son to rush into his arms. He had not expected tears. He had not expected Gabriel to share his eternal fears. He had expected Gabriel to grumble and storm off. Erik shook his head as he realized he had expected his son to behave like he would have done and Gabriel was nothing like him. Nor was Michael. Even tiny Orla – content and easily comforted – was nothing like him. A sudden flood rushed over him that Erik could not name but in its wake, it left a sense of peace and certainty. These children, these amazing creatures – these blessings – were his but they were tempered by the grace of the woman who had given them life. And as Erik wrapped his arms about Gabriel, he felt his heart swell with thanks for that grace.

"You will never be alone," Erik whispered. "No matter what, you will always have your brother and sister. And your mother and I will always love you." A soft chuckle rumbled in Erik's chest, matching the delighted thoughts that rumbled through his brain. "That is what families do."

"Really?" Gabriel asked as he drew back and wiped his face on his sleeve.

Erik reached for the handkerchief always in his pocket and handed it to his son. "I would never lie to you," he said and fought down the urge to wince as Gabriel blew his nose into the clean cotton. "Let us leave that here." He took the handkerchief and placed it atop the music cabinet beside the piano. "What would you say to helping me to make sure that Mama eats tonight?"

"I would like that."

"And then you and I can tell stories to Michael and Orla." Erik grinned at Gabriel. "Maybe we can even let Michael help us tell Orla a story." Gabriel giggled, further delighting his father. "And then you can sing your baby sister to sleep."

"Yes, please."

Erik sighed and ruffled the dark curls atop his son's head. "I am sorry, Gabriel. I have been so concerned over your mama that I have forgotten about you and Michael and even Orla. I did not mean to do so and I need your help to make sure I do not do it again. Can you do that for me?" Erik smiled at the enthusiastic nod he received but there was still one more thing he needed to make sure Gabriel understood. "And any time you feel the need to find the music in the silence or if you want to hide in the shadows, I want you to come to me - no matter what. It does not matter what I am doing. You come to find me and I will help you find the music beyond the shadows and the silence. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Papa," Gabriel assured him. "I will always come and find you."

"That is all I have ever wanted," Erik told him and wrapped his son in his warm embrace, feeling the storm clouds slowly begin to drift away from his heart, from his home.

Yet even as the storms inside dissipated, outside Nature was pulling summer storms from the depths of the ocean and blowing them toward the strip of land between the rocky coastline and the windswept moor.


	19. Chapter 19

_**Author's Notes:**_"Lorena" was written in 1856 by Joseph Phillbrick Webster and published in 1857. It was written for his fiancee after their engagement failed. Not wanting to use her real name, he instead changed it to "Lorena" as an adaptation of "Lenore" from Edgar Allan Poe's poem, "The Raven" – another lost love. The song was a favorite of both sides during the civil war and has long been a favorite of mine.

**Chapter Summary:** A storm blows in from the ocean and a Siren calls out to a new mother…

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Content.

If she had to put a single word to what she was feeling, it would be that – content. Beyond the pain that still haunted her, the slight fire that still heated her skin and the weariness that pervaded every part of her being, she was content. Life moved about the stillness, joy laughed through her lethargy and an all-encompassing peace invaded every inch of stone that surrounded her. A single finger reached out to trace the curve of a tiny cheek and she bent slightly forward to kiss a soft forehead.

"And there is music in the silence," Tallis whispered to her daughter and looked up at the sound of her husband's laughter.

"Gabriel said almost the same thing two days ago." Erik nodded to the two small boys in front of the bedroom hearth, heads bent together, laughing. "But I do not think I would call this silence."

Tallis managed a tired smile. "There all kinds of silence and I would much rather this silence then the dark silence of the last days."

Her words left her husband momentarily speechless as suppressed nightmares clawed their way from the deep recesses of his mind. But Erik found his tongue as he walked over to sit on the bed beside wife and daughter. "You have learned something from me all after all these years." A wicked grin crossed his face and his voice changed slightly, a bit of the Phantom creeping forth his own darkness. "All my lessons have not been in vain."

Rolling her eyes and placing a hand over the chest of the baby resting beside her, Tallis sighed. "And that is your first lesson," she told Orla, "your father must always have the last word."

"Always."

Tallis was too fatigued to give in to Erik's teasing and yawned in response.

"I think you have had enough for one afternoon."

"No," Tallis whined as her hand closed over her baby's arm, her head turning toward the sound of her sons. "Please do not take them away just yet." Her plea reached two sets of small ears and two dark curly heads popped up.

"No go!" Michael cried as he jumped to his feet.

"Can't we stay a little longer?" Gabriel wondered.

"Please, Erik," Tallis added her plea to those of her sons. "I have missed them so much and I do not want to let them go just yet." As Gabriel and Michael clambered up onto the bed, jostling their mother and causing their sister to let out a tiny cry of indignity, Tallis caught the fire that flared in her husband's eyes. "Erik, they are just children," she warned, "and I am fine." She turned her head toward the two boys kneeling at the foot of the bed and smiled, reaching out her free hand to them. "Come here," she bade them, Gabriel and Michael crawling up to her. Michael settled into his mother's side while Gabriel moved to sit on the pillow beside her head. Tallis returned her attention to her husband, a tired, triumphant smile on her face. "They are just children," she repeated softly, "my children."

"And I am to accept defeat graciously?" Erik asked, his answer in the look from his wife's eyes. "I am." He sighed, the smile on his face belying the sound of his voice. His answer came in the form of yawns from both wife and daughter.

"Baby tired," Michael stated the obvious. "Baby always tired." A wicked little smile lit his face. "Me not tired. Me not baby!"

Gabriel ran a hand down his mother's hair. "Mama's tired," he said softly.

Tallis fought back another yawn. "I am." She turned her head slightly so that she could look at the two boys just behind her. "Would you like to sing me to sleep? My lullaby, perhaps?" She laughed slightly as the baby beneath her hand kicked tiny legs. "I think your sister would like to hear you sing, too." She watched as the boys looked to their father and giggles broke out, Michael hiding his face in his hands. "What?" She turned back to Erik. "What else have I missed?" Her tone was sorrowful and Erik took pity upon her.

"We have a special song for Orla that we sing to her at night when we put her to sleep," he explained.

"Oh!" Tallis brightened at his words. "Could you do it for her?" Her head nodded on the pillow. "For me. For us."

"Softly," Erik told his sons as Tallis rested her head against Orla's and listened to the music that swirled about her.

_The years creep slowly by, Lorena,  
The snow is on the grass again;  
The sun's low down the sky, Lorena,  
The frost gleams where the flowers have been;  
But the heart throbs on as warmly now,  
As when the summer days were nigh;  
Oh! the sun can never dip so low,  
A-down affection's cloudless sky._

Erik's voice was strong and sure but soft, guiding the younger, untrained voices of Gabriel and Michael in melodic harmonies. Michael missed most of the words but hummed along happily, his voice very young. Gabriel's voice sang in his mother's ear, just as strong and certain at five as his father's was at forty. And still beneath the voices of her children Tallis heard the strange tones of her husband, the control and power that was The Phantom, now mellowed and refined by the unbridled joy of three young lives.

_A hundred months have passed, Lorena,  
Since last I held thy hand in mine;  
And felt the pulse beat fast, Lorena --  
Though mine beat faster far than thine;  
A hundred months -- 'twas flowery May,  
When up the hilly slope we climbed,  
To watch the dying of the day,  
And hear the distant church bells chime._

And as the chimes of male voices faded away into the late afternoon, Tallis found herself fading with them, Orla already fast asleep.

"Let me have her," Erik said as he gently took Tallis' hand from Orla and lifted their daughter into his arms. "Kiss Mama," he told the boys, waiting until they had done so and climbed down from the bed. He nodded toward the bedroom door. "Go and see your grandmother. I am sure she has some cookies and milk for you."

"Cookies!" Michael chirped.

"Shh," Gabriel warned him. "Mama's going to sleep." He took his brother's hand and led him from the bedroom.

Erik turned his attention back to his wife. "I am going to put Orla down and I will be right back."

"I'm sleeping," Tallis whispered.

"Not yet." A smirk turned up Erik's lips. "But you will be." It took but a moment for Erik to place Orla in her cradle and return to Tallis, a cup in his hands. He sat down next to her, putting a finger to her lips. "You need to drink this."

"No," Tallis whined.

"You are whining a good deal lately," her husband observed. Unable to fully open her eyes, Tallis looked at her husband from beneath her lashes. It was one of her most seductive tricks but now it just evoked a feeling of protection from Erik. "You really do need to drink this."

"I am already half-asleep." Tallis yawned for effect. "And I do not like that. It gives me strange dreams."

"You heard what the Mister Pendleton said – you must take this for another week for the sleep it gives is restorative and important for your well-being."

"Listening to my children laugh is restorative." Tallis reached out a hand to rest on Erik's leg. "Having you beside me is important for my well-being."

A clap of thunder rattled the windows of the cottage – a storm was blowing in from the ocean.

"Then at least take it so that you can sleep through the storm." Despite her obvious exhaustion, Erik knew the determined look upon his wife's face - she was more trouble than the children were. "Tallis, I mean it." He saw her lips clamp shut and knew he would need to bargain to get his own way. "If you take a few sips this one last time, I promise I will not make you take it again." One eye fully opened. "I will carry you to the great room so that you can rest on the lounge surrounded by your children." He winked as the other eye opened. "And I will stop sleeping on the chair and once again join you in our bed." There was a familiar twinkle in those opened eyes. "But only if you have a few sips of this."

"Why do you do that?" Tallis asked - her answer a raised eyebrow. "You know what I mean. Why do you always make yourself the reward for my giving in to your demands."

A lop-sided grin crossed Erik's face. "You have never quibbled with my requests or rewards before."

"Demands," Tallis corrected and turned her head away. "You are a brat."

"And you are too damn stubborn for my good." Erik shot back as another thunderclap shook the windows of the cottage. "You are going to take a few sips of this if I have to pour it down your throat myself!"

Tallis turned back to him, her eyes narrowing. "You would not dare."

A silent struggle ensued and lasted long minutes as husband and wife each refused to give in to the other.

"I cannot lose you!" Erik finally growled from between clenched teeth. "And if a few last sips of this drug will ensure that such a thing comes to pass then you will drink this and like it!"

Tallis studied her husband's face, the power glowing from his golden eyes, anger and frustration shaking the mug in his hands. She was tired and wanted to sleep. She wanted to escape from the comfortable prison of her bedroom. She wanted to reclaim her family. She wanted to once again be wife and mother, friend and lover. And she most certainly did not wish to fight with The Phantom – a fight she knew she would never win. "You promise this will be the last time?"

"Only if you drink this."

"A few sips, then," Tallis sighed in resignation.

"The whole mug," Erik told her.

"That was not the bargain!"

"I lied."

"Thank God the children take after me," Tallis humphed at him as she allowed Erik to lift her head slightly. She glowered at him as she took sip after sip of the warm drugged liquid. With her last swallow, Erik gently placed her head back on the pillow. "Happy?"

Erik grinned. "Yes. Sleepy?"

Tallis yawned and snuggled under the light summer linens. "Yes. Now go away."

"As the lady commands," he softly replied as he rose to his feet.

"Brat," came the equally soft reply.

"I love you, too," Erik said as he slipped from the room and closed the door gently behind him.

Those words reached through the darkness that was enveloping Tallis and put a small smile on her face as she succumbed to the drugs and the exhaustion she still felt nearly a week after giving birth to her daughter. Sleep claimed her quickly and she did not hear the storm that finally reached land, thunder shaking the ground, dark skies lit by flash after flash of lightening as the heavens opened and torrents of rain washed over everything. The storm chased everyone still outside into the nearest shelter; even the animals out on the moor found shelter in whatever manner presented itself. Erik and Benoit brought the dogs in from their pen and settled them before the hearth with their two favorite playmates – Gabriel and Michael. Orla took a page from her mother and settled in for a nap, her cradle gently rocked by the foot of her grandmother. And through the noise of the storm, the laughter of children and occasional barking of dogs, Tallis slept and dreamed of the things that she loved the most…

_She moved silently through the fog, turning this way and that as she struggled to follow the sound. It was a plaintive sound, a lonely sound and it beckoned, pulling her onward. Hands waved before her face, trying to part the unending grayness but it never gave way. She called out, waiting for an answer but none came. She prayed for a guide but there was none to lead her. She knew she needed to find that cry, comfort it, silence it. But she was all alone with the grayness and that lonely cry. That little, desperate cry…_

"Orla," Tallis muttered as she struggled to open her eyes. "Do not cry; Mama is coming." She could still hear the sound of her baby weeping in the distance as she fought to sit up. "Erik, the baby." Tallis placed her hands on the mattress and steadied herself as she placed shaking feet onto the floor. "Please don't cry, baby!" She knew the tears on her cheek matched the tears on her daughter's cheek. Tallis rose to her feet and nearly fell to the floor as legs unused to such action shook in protest. She reached out for the nearest thing and found her hand closing about the handle to the bedroom door. "Orla," she whispered as a trembling hand turned the handle and the door opened.

The hallway was dark and still and led into the unending grayness that hid her crying infant. Tallis found a row of spindly bare trees and grabbed onto them as she began to move in the direction of the cries. She was unaware she hugged the wall as she felt her way through her dream. She stumbled as uncertain feet tangled in the hem of her nightdress. Tallis reached out for a tree to steady herself and the flare of a bright star lit her path. In the spots that danced before her eyes, she could see an open door in the mist and Tallis knew that beyond that door her baby lay crying and uncomforted. She gritted her teeth and moved toward the opening. "Orla," she whispered and jumped slightly as the sound of the door slamming closed startled her. "Orla!" she heard herself scream as uncertain feet found certainty and she began to run toward her child.

And in the children's bedrooms, Erik was smiling as he rubbed a towel over Michael's wet head. Gabriel was on the other side of the room, slipping into clean clothes, a smile on his face as he anticipated having dinner with his mother. A flash of lightening lit the bedroom and Gabriel turned to look out the window.

"I like storms," he told his father. "They sound angry like when you pound on the piano."

"I never pound on the piano," Erik said.

Michael giggled. "Yes, you do."

Thunder boomed and rattled the bedroom window. "I do n…" Erik began and stopped, his head turning as he caught a sound that followed on the heels of the thunder. "Do you hear that?"

Gabriel looked confused. "What?"

Tallis' voice screaming her daughter's name cut through the sound of the storm and drove Erik to his feet. The sound of a door slamming back and forth in the wind-swept storm propelled him forward. He ran from his sons' room and into the great room. His ears heard the sound of a door and his eyes were drawn to the front of the cottage. Erik felt his heart drop as he saw the open front door swinging back and forth with each wind gust that blew in from the ocean. Another flash of lightening lit the room and Erik's breath stopped as he caught a brief glimpse of a figure moving along the path that ran along the edge of the cliffs overlooking the beach far below. "Tallis!" he screamed as he went chasing after her, unaware of the parents and children huddled in the entrance to the hallway, staring worriedly after him.

"Tallis!" Erik screamed again as he left the warm safety of the house and ran into the height of the storm. Another flash of lightening showed him his wife as she moved further away from him, headed unknowingly toward the path that led down to the beach.

Tallis did not hear her husband screaming her name. All she could hear was the sound of her baby calling out for her. In her drugged state she was thought the wind and thunder sounded like crying and little feet kicking against the side of the cradle. "Mama is coming," she said as she moved forward, hands already reaching for the child in the fog. "Don't cry, Orla; please don't cry." The sound of her baby faded away and Tallis could feel the panic rising in her breast. "Erik!" she screamed.

"I am right here," a voice whispered from behind her as strong arms turned her around.

Certain her tears had soaked the very clothes she wore and not entirely certain it was her husband holding her by the arms, Tallis struggled to get away. "My baby!" she exclaimed. "I have to go to my baby!"

Erik tightened his grip upon his wife, shaking his head to clear the rain from his eyes. "Stop it!" he ordered. "Your baby is safe in the cottage!"

"No!" Tallis screamed as she pulled away, breaking free from the demon that kept her from her daughter's side. She turned and ran down the path toward the beach and the pounding ocean. "Orla!"

Erik's scream matched his wife's. "Tallis!" He ran after her, unsure of how she managed to stay on her feet as she along the slippery ground. "Dammit, Tallis, stop!" he yelled, pulling forth The Phantom, hoping that creature's eerie voice would be heard over the sound of the storm – heard and obeyed. But his wife did not hear even The Phantom. Erik heard her scream once again for their daughter and he picked up his speed as Tallis picked up hers. And as lightening flashed overhead and thunder echoed across the land, Erik nearly caught up with his wife, hands reaching out for her and only managing to grab onto the back of her soaking nightdress. Erik did the only thing he knew to do – he yanked on his wife's nightdress and sent them both tumbling into the mud.

Tallis tried to claw her way from the demon trying to pull her down into the darkness. "Let me go! My baby!"

"Dammit, woman!" Erik screamed as he turned his wife over, grabbing her chin, stilling her head so that he could stare at her. His voice dropped several pitches and echoed in the noise of the storm. "Tallis, listen to me!" She still fought against him. "It is Erik. Your husband." The fight began to fade. "You are outside. It is storming and you are soaked." She was nearly still. "Orla is back at the cottage – safe and sound in her cradle – with her grandparents and her brothers." She still squirmed and Erik began to lose patience, shaking her shoulders, nearly beating her head into the muddy ground. "Dammit, Tallis! Your daughter is safe!" She still did not listen and Erik's patience snapped; he slapped his wife.

Stunned, Tallis finally stopped squirming and squinted up at the demon over her. "Erik?" she wondered.

"Damn impossible woman," Erik muttered as he stood, sweeping his wife into his arms as he did. "If you even twitch, I will slap you again," he warned as he began to walk back to the cottage.

Even though she clung to Erik as if her very life depended upon it, Tallis still heard the plaintive sound of her daughter crying in the distance. "My baby," she exclaimed as her eyes flew open and she rolled to her side, crying out as her hips protested the sudden change in position. Her cry was answered by strong hands gently rolling her onto her back. "My baby," she repeated.

"Your baby is fine," Erik said, smoothing the hair from her face. "She is hearing stories from her big brothers." He smiled as Tallis focused on his face. "You were dreaming."

Tallis melted into his touch. "So many dreams…" she breathed, her voice trembling with unshed tears. "I hear my baby and I cannot find her. She needs me and I cannot help her." Unshed tears began to trickle down her cheeks. "I cannot help myself."

"That is why you have me." Erik smirked at her. "I am always here to help you." He raised his eyes in thought for a moment. "Even if I have to chase you through the worst storm ever known to man."

Their bedroom grew quiet. Tallis studied the face before her, a trembling hand reaching up to brush away the tears. She looked at her damp fingertips and returned her gaze to her husband. "That was you."

Erik nodded.

"And that was not a dream?"

"No," he replied and thought about it. "Not exactly. You were under the effects of the drug I gave you and you must have been dreaming about your children. Orla, to be precise. It appears you thought you heard her crying and went to comfort her and got lost along the way. Instead of ending up in the room where Orla sleeps with your parents, you found your way out the front door when my back was turned. You were halfway down to the beach when I finally managed to stop you."

"I was out in the storm?" Tallis looked frightened.

Erik patted the hand he held. "Yes, but I brought you back."

Fingertips lightly touched a cheek and Tallis winced. "You hit me."

"Ah…"

"You hit me," she repeated.

At the sound of his wife's voice sounding more like a hurt child, the guilt welled up and threatened to overwhelm Erik. Then he thought of seeing Tallis more like a spectre running through the rain and the guilt faded away. He could not and would not allow himself to think upon what might have happened had he not heard the door slamming and reached his wife before she reached the beach. "Yes, I hit you," he admitted. "And I would do it again if you do anything like that ever again!" Tallis sniffled and he raised her hand to his lips. "I am sorry for hitting you but not for having had to do so." He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I am truly sorry," he whispered into her ear and found a gentle but shaky hand caressing his neck.

"Apology accepted," came the whispered reply, followed by a kiss. "I am sorry I scared you." Tallis drew back and smiled at her husband. "We are rather sorry individuals."

"Yes," Erik told her as he returned the smile. "But I would so much rather be sorry with you than without you."

Tallis could not find the words to reply and so drew her husband back to her lips.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Summary:** Two months after the birth of their daughter, life resumes a sense of normalcy for Erik, Tallis and their sons. And from the south of France comes a bit of foreshadowing for a new set of stories called "Choices"…

EPILOGUE

So summer faded away into autumn and with it the memory of dark days that were best left in the dim past. The ocean settled down into normal rhythms of ebb and flow as the storms of summer made their final bow and exited the stage. It would be a few months yet until winter storms took their place and iced over shoreline and countryside with bitter spray and cold, damp winds. But for now cool breezes blew and the sun blessed the land with the last of its warmth as the trees danced in their bright colors and fall flowers dotted lanes and gardens with their rich hues. And in a cottage by the sea a mother sat in a rocking chair holding her two-month old child by the hands, delighting in the silly noises her daughter made.

"Orla," Tallis teased as she shook her head back and forth, vibrating her lips. The baby in her lap stuck her tongue out and tiny bubbles slipped down her chin. Tallis laughed delightedly as she took the edge of her sleeve and wiped away the wet mess. She clapped her daughter's hands together. "Who is a pretty girl?" she cooed. "Who is her mama's pretty little girl?" Orla's head bobbed up and down in response to her mother's voice and Tallis sighed in delight as she studied a happy face. "You have your father's eyes," she whispered staring deep into the golden-brown orbs. She lifted Orla onto her shoulder. "My beautiful golden princess."

The kitchen door opened and familiar male voices were heard as the door slammed shut. Orla was not amused by the loud noises and let her displeasure be known.

"Shh," Tallis comforted her baby. "It is just your brothers and father." She smiled as her sons skipped into the great room and stopped by her side. "Did you have a good walk?"

Michael's head nodded enthusiastically and he giggled.

"It was a really nice walk, Mama," Gabriel assured her. "We ran and ran with the dogs and found all kinds of things!"

"What kind of things?"

Gabriel joined his brother in giggles.

Tallis raised a puzzled face to the man standing behind his sons. "What did I miss?"

"Show your mother what we found," Erik told his sons.

The red of cheeks brushed by cool breezes was heightened by excitement as Gabriel and Michael drew forth from behind their backs hands holding hidden treasures. They smiled as their mother oohed and aahed at the golden mums both boys held.

"For me?" she asked and smiled at the two heads nodding in unison. Tallis held out her free hand and accepted the small bouquets pressed into it. She held the flowers up to Orla and everyone laughed when she wrinkled her tiny nose and sneezed. "You will learn to like flowers," she said and turned her attention back to her sons. "Especially when they come from such handsome men." The smile on her lips reached up to her eyes and was given to the tall man standing proudly, a hand resting on each boy's shoulder.

"You really like them?" Gabriel asked.

Tallis shifted Orla to her other shoulder and leaned slightly so that she could give him a kiss; she repeated the action with Michael. "I love them. Thank you." She placed the flowers into the glass of water on the table beside her chair. "There. Now we can all enjoy their beauty."

Michael tapped her arm. "Mama."

"What?"

"Um…" Michael squirmed.

"What, sweetheart?"

He turned to look at Erik. "I forgot."

Erik laughed slightly and bent down to whisper in Michael's ear.

"I 'members now." Michael returned his attention to his mother. "Take the flowers to bed wif you!"

"So you can enjoy them when you see them when you wake up," Gabriel finished for his brother.

"I promise," Tallis assured them and frowned as she looked at their hands. "And I have some cookies and milk for you to enjoy but you need to go wash those hands first. How did your father let you get so dirty?"

"You should see Papa's hands!"

Erik cleared his throat and nodded toward the bedrooms; that was all it needed. Gabriel and Michael went skipping down the hallway to their room where basins of water awaited them. Erik grabbed a small stool from before the hearth and set it down in front of the rocking chair. He waited until Tallis had turned Orla around and seated her in her lap before reaching out to tickle the baby's tummy. Erik grinned as Orla arched her back and smiled toothlessly in response.

"You looked decidedly happy," Tallis told her husband.

"I am," Erik said as he continued to play with his daughter. "The boys and I had a grand time out on the moor with the dogs. We chased rabbits and threw rocks into the quicksand. We watched some deer." He laughed as he shook his head. "I had forgotten how distracting they can be when they are together. It has been too quiet with Gabriel now at school during the week."

"It is going to be even more quiet when Michael begins school." A dark look passed over Erik's face and Tallis reached out a hand to palm his cheek. "Still?" she wondered.

"I am what I am," Erik replied as he melted into her touch. "You knew that when this all began and I am too old to change now." He withdrew his finger from Orla's grasp before she could put it into her mouth. "You will think me silly."

"I already know you are impossible. What is silly compared to that?"

Erik placed his hands on his knees and raised his eyes to his wife. "I am self-taught. You know this." He arched his eyebrow at her. "You know I was not happy about sending Gabriel off to school. I am less happy about sending Michael." He shot a quick glance at his infant daughter. "I do not even wish to contemplate sending Orla." Sad eyes once again returned to gray ones full of compassion. "With each child that walks out that door, I feel as if I am losing them forever. I waited so long to have a dream come true. I thought it would be with Christine. I could not even have imagined you," he waved hand to encompass the living area of their home, "or this," he lightly ran a finger down Orla's nose, "or my children in any of my dreams! It would have been too much for which to hope! It would have been entirely too painful a thing for which to hope. And now that I have my dream, I do not wish to lose it!"

Tallis sighed. "We will never lose our children but we cannot hold them forever! God gives them to us for a moment and we must do our best by them. We must teach them and guide them and pray that we have done enough so that when they are adults they are good people. Gabriel already shows a talent for music and we must make sure that he can continue to study it. Michael likes to build things and perhaps someday he will make grand homes for great people." She leaned over and kissed Orla's head. "And Orla will be just as smart and talented as her brothers. I only hope she will find a man to love her as much as you love me."

"No one will ever be good enough for my daughter," Erik whispered. "I know that you are correct. I know and I thank you for not thinking me silly for feeling this way."

"I think you are silly and impossible for the small things you do that annoy me." Tallis shook her head. "But for the things that truly matter to your heart and soul, I would never think you either." Orla cooed at her parents. "And I think your daughter just reminded you that it will be years yet before she is ready to go to the school in town."

Erik reached hands out to touch the faces of the women in his life. "And until that time I shall have two beautiful faces to look upon." The sounds of little feet entering the room drew his attention and Erik smiled at his sons. "Make that four beautiful faces to look upon."

"Clean, Mama?" Gabriel wondered as he held up his hands to show Tallis.

She narrowed her eyes as she studied Gabriel's now clean hands. Michael imitated his brother and held his hands up for inspection, as well. Tallis finally nodded. "Go," she told them. "The cookies are on the table with some glasses of milk."

"Cookies!" the boys chirped in unison as they ran for the kitchen and the promised treats.

Orla bounced up and down on her mother's lap at the sound of her brothers' voices and Tallis laughed in response.

"It is so nice to wake from a nightmare to find your dreams come true," Erik said softly.

"It is even nicer to live your dreams," Tallis replied as her hand sought and found her husband's, their fingers entwining. She leaned forward, seeking and finding a kiss.

"Far, far nicer," Erik whispered against her lips as he greedily sought another kiss.

Later that night as the children he never could have imagined in his most fevered dreams dreamt their own pleasant dreams and Erik and Tallis succumbed to the exhaustion known to parents of small children the world over. And across the Channel and deep into the French countryside another couple were dealing with their own children and struggling with their own fears.

Raoul stood silently at the end of the huge bed and stared at the small figure nearly lost beneath the huge featherbed. He eyed the pillows piled on either side of the child, studying them, making sure they were stable enough to last the night. He nodded and began to reach for the child with the dark, curly hair of his mother when he stopped. A sad look crossed his face and eyes closed in memory of another child gone nearly three years now. Raoul opened his eyes again, gave one last look to his youngest son and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. He stood in the upstairs hallway at Chagny, staring at two other closed doors. He easily pictured the children sleeping safely behind them – Isabelle and Katarina sharing the huge four-poster bed as they dreamt of little girl things and Olivier old enough to love his younger brother but still young enough to be annoyed by the antics of an overly rambunctious two-year old. Knowing that his family was safe for the night, Raoul made his way down the hall and entered the bedroom he shared with his wife.

Christine looked up from the vanity where she sat and smiled at the reflection in her mirror. She turned around to face her husband. "Are they all safe and sleeping the sleep of the innocent?"

Raoul nodded as he closed the bedroom door.

"And Anders?" Christine asked and waited for the answer she knew would not come. It had been nearly three years since she had awoken to check on three-month old Hakon and found her youngest child lifeless in his bassinet. The infant's death had nearly destroyed her and it had sent her beloved husband into a downward spiral the likes of which she had not seen since Raoul had been returned from his grave. She had hoped the birth of another son a year – a son who looked like her - would have lifted Raoul's spirits but it did not. To Christine it seemed that Raoul was afraid to get close enough to love Anders for fear he would lose him like he lost Hakon. Or perhaps it was that Anders was too much like her in mannerisms as well as appearance; he would be a difficult child in the future, of that Christine was certain. "Raoul?" she asked again as she rose to her feet.

"He's fine. I could barely see his head beneath that featherbed." Raoul shook his head and took the hand that his wife offered. "He is so tiny."

"He is a normal child."

"I do not know." Raoul looked thoughtful. "Perhaps we should have him examined by Monsieur Corhei now that we are in Chagny for a few months."

Christine drew her husband to sit beside her on the edge of the bed they shared. "Raoul," she began gently, "there is nothing wrong with Anders." A crooked smile passed her lips. "Besides the fact that he is far too much my child. He is a healthy little boy with a bright future before him." She reached up to turn his face so that she could look upon him. "He is two years old and we are not going to lose him. Do you understand me? We are going to have Anders with us for the rest of our lives. Just as we have Isabelle and Olivier and Katarina. This is our family and you need to love them." Christine grew serious. "All of them."

His wife had grown into a fine woman from the child she had been in the early years of their marriage and Raoul was often silenced in the face of her hard-won wisdom. He knew she spoke the truth about the miracles their love had created and he did love his children. They were everything he could have wished for and more. They were bright and beautiful. They moved through his life with laughter and brought him a joy he had never known. Yet there was always something missing, a piece of his heart that he could never get back. How could he make Christine understand that? How could he express the fear in his heart when he knew it would break hers? "I do love them," he replied, his words nearly lost as Raoul hung his head.

"Do not lie to me," Christine warned.

Her words caused anger to rise in Raoul's breast. "I am not lying! I do love our children!" He watched Christine tilt her head and raise her eyebrows in question. "I do," he insisted and swallowed hard. "I just… I just…"

Christine took pity upon the man beside her; she squeezed the hand she held. "Raoul, Hakon is gone. He died. Children die in their cribs every day…"

"But not our children!" he interrupted. "Not ours."

"Even ours," Christine corrected. "Do you think that happy little boy we cherished for those few precious months would want you to live your life in fear?" She paused for effect. "Again?"

"I… I…" Raoul opened and closed his mouth. "No."

"No," Christine repeated. "He would not. He would want you to love his little brother just as he would have. Just as Isabelle and Olivier and Katarina do. Just as Philippe and Monique love him. Just as I love him." She sighed. "You cannot live your life being afraid to love someone. Love is the greatest gift we are given – the greatest gift we have to give. And I know – far better than anyone else in this world – just how big your heart is and how much love and forgiveness you have to give!" She drew Raoul into her arms and turned her head on his shoulder so that she could whisper into his ear. "You need to forgive yourself. There was nothing you could have done to save Hakon. There was nothing any of us could have done. It was his time and we should be grateful we had him for the months that we did. Now you need to let Hakon go so that he can rest in peace and you need to let go of your fear that you will lose Anders so that you can love him with all that is in your marvelous heart." She kissed him below the ear. "Just love us, Raoul; that is all we need from you. Just love us."

Raoul hugged his wife close and buried his face in her soft dark curls. "Always," he told her. "Always."

**_The End_ **

**_Author's Notes:_** And now for everyone who has stuck with me through the ups and downs of this story, the gaps between chapters as I worked through the Issues of Real Life, I give you a sneak peek of the stories that will finally finish what "Puzzle Pieces" began. It is a set of three stories entitled "Choices" - inspired by the song "Choose Life" by Big Tent Revival. The stories are currently being outlined and when I have 18 chapters finished, I will be back with Book One. Until then … thank you for your support, the honest criticisms and the comments. I write because it makes me happy and to know that it makes others happy … well … that is just all the more reason to keep at it! Thank you, everyone!

**Book One - "Choose Life"**  
_Choose life, that you might live  
the life that He gives  
He gives you forever_  
Deals with our hero and heroine meeting and the choices they make that will affect the lives of everyone around them.

**Book Two - "The Choice Before You"**  
_A choice is set before you now  
living or dying,  
blessing or cursing_  
Follows our heroine as she gives into her personal darkness, our hero as he gives in to his self-doubt and their families as they give in to their shared past.

**Book Three - "The Time Has Come Around"**  
_And now the time has come around  
to turn from your fighting  
and rest in His mercy  
_As our hero and heroine search for peace in their individual and separate ways, their families search for a way to save both them and the promise of the future.


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